The Marriage

March 14, 2010

3.11 a.m.

I have heard people taking a lot of time before finalizing their life partner to be. I decided it in the first 15 minutes of coming across a girl that she was going to be my life partner. My decision was based on the first impression that she looks adjusting and understanding to my way of life and thinking, as briefly explained to her by me.

I didn’t give too much attention to her looks, as I wanted to select a nice person and not just a ‘charming’ girl which might prove good for nothing.

Our family’s approval for the girl took unusually long time. First it was ‘Pau’ month as per Hindu calendar which forbids people to get into relations or start off anything new, later it was both families’ over cautious approach which led to suspicious feelings.

The basic difference of opinion is based on the fact that ours is basically a business-oriented family and theirs is a service-oriented family. Hence, the approach to view things or deal with any matter or subject leads to confusion and clarities.

But everything zeroes-in at the kind of bonding or eagerness both of us—me and my prospective wife—would reflect to our families. It is required to handle both the families’ ego or sensitiveness.

The fact that both of us have felt comfortable in each other’s company whenever we could interact has humbled both sides and forced them to reconcile.

The process of marriage has commenced in very strange way with individuals from both sides behaving in a way which is viewed with raised eyebrows or cynicism.

In my family, my elder brother has proved himself funny by acting in a strange way unexpected of a 42 to 46 age group. He has always spoken out of turn, unnecessarily and ungracefully. That’s his limitations for not being exposed to present-day socializing system.

Though I am grateful to him for opening my eyes to see the hidden truth clearly on various occasions, I would still say he is just shocking to listen to or even watch behaving in any gathering. He needs to improve a lot more than rest of the family because the responsibility to come forward and also act as the eldest of our family is just missing in his conduct. I find the girl’s side generally tolerating him instead of cherishing his presence. He wants to sound intelligent, which he is, but like everyone he is yet to accept somewhere, rather on most of the occasions, he is looking a joker or socially less developed person.

Thankfully I have jijais and Billey Bhapaji as my family elders. The girl’s side finds conversing with them quite comfortable. It is just like when the eldest of a family is supposed to sit in front of the other family’s eldest or elderly persons, he is found doing or commenting stupidly like a primary school kid who is yet to learn how to socialize in a graceful manner. His over attempt to sound intelligent in all respects is proving too much to all, I believe.

Only jijais are emerging out to be quite mature on such a big occasion of my life. Bhaiya’s routine habits and loud-mouthness is hurting everyone besides sounding too embarrassing to bear at times.

I have been advised not to preach or quarrel with anyone or not even speak at high volume in angry mood lest it should hurt others and he or she moves away from the occasion.

Mumma being an ailing person is not in a position to discuss properly her youngest and perhaps favourite son’s marriage proposal. She speaks what she is asked to. Otherwise she is shouted at by me or my silly brother for saying or not saying what she shouldn’t or obviously should have state at any given moment.

The girl’s side looks completely naïve, as if they have just entered a society which abides some rituals and system of performing traditions. They seem as if all they know is how to stand suited-booted at any hotel or gathering and just talk pleasantries.

The main person for whom my internal respect evolves in natural way is their father. We have been told he is not keeping on well now a days since he came across some accident. He was an assistant Director in Ministry of Telecommunications. He loves reading and his favourite author being Agatha Christie. Since he was not introduced to us at the outset. We turned curious after all how could a family talk about a girl’s marriage proposal without her father being present.


The girl’s side, read brother, even said they were ready for the marriage after meeting their prospective son-in-law, which is me. Though anyone would have enjoyed that innocence or mature stance of judging a book by its cover, but it only added to my brother’s cynicism. He conveyed that as my well-wisher. I agreed to his logic and also got curious about the family’s secretness or over trusting approach.


We went to their home despite their initial reluctance. We were highly satisfied after meeting their father, who actually looked not being completely well. They tried to show us their newly built flat located at third floor. Everything looked new like a newly bride. But we were content to having taken our mother to their place and having personally invited the prospective daughter-in-law to her. For me, the purpose was achieved besides getting another opportunity to interact briefly with the girl.

Personally, I never wanted to accept any girl on earth as my life partner till my mother gave her consent on my choice. It was my way of according her the fullest respect which she deserves by the virtue of my mother, the one who produced me despite jeorparding her own life due to minimal hemoglobin of the blood. I was her sixth child. The one preceding me was also a boy but his head was undeveloped so it was compromised with at doctor’s suggestion at that time. So my birth brought a wave of cheer in my entire family including my eldest sister who was about 18 to 20 years senior to me.


So, in a way, sidelining or ignoring anyone’s respect is like doing a sin and causing an insult to their importance as my flesh and blood and affectionate persons of my life.

The girl’s family I believe is yet to learn about the meaning of dealing with such a big and involved family and also offering due respect to each one according to his or her place in the family. I find them a bit immature or not so much exposed to such niceties.

Their visit to our home proved disastrous. They appear hunting for something more bad than they know in that part of the house which has already been described as old and requiring renovation.


It seems they are trying to find out something very new or neat and clean in the oldest part of the big house. Ours is four times bigger than theirs but has just half of the kind of shine their recently bought flat at the third floor has.

But their inspection of our house and its every nook and corner has surpassed even Bhaiya’s awkward behaviour. It is happening so awkwardly as if they are a flying squad and trying to find out the hidden without ticket passenger or hidden smuggled material somewhere in our house. To me personally, it is the most disgusting part of their conduct which I am finding very very objectionable along with the girl’s mother’s attitude of offering unwanted suggestions.

On the very day of Rokka, the ceremony to officially confirm my marriage to their daughter on any auspicious day in near future, my prospective mother-in-law suggested me about which room should I develop as my bedroom and why I should rent a room or two of my house. They routine mention of my salary being very little (Rs. 18,500 + Rs. 1,000) feels like an insulting comment to me. I am very surprised to think that their daughter for whom they have chosen me is almost earning half of my salary, is not even a proper professional, not even thoroughly well-read or educated. Still, they have the audacity to keep mention my salary being so little at every occasion.

I feel like giving them my piece of mind by showing them a mirror in my sarcastic narrative version. But it is just the respect for their age and now the relation and the fascination of having that seemingly nice girl-at-heart in my life along with decency of any educated person which prevents me from acting myself just like I can but I am avoiding.

Though it feels awkward but both the families appear to be compromising and ignoring small things or issues just because the centre of both families---the girl and the boy—have expressed their strong willingness to marry each other.


I am very nervous about what will happen in future. May God bless both the families maturity and sense of forming good relations.



























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