I am very much peeved at my family's response to my probability of joining IANS. None of them, particularly Pratibha, is in a condition to understand the influence of such a new job will have on my journalistic carer.
Call it her ignorance or anything, she just wants me to continue with the present job, as it's 'less demanding'.
Yesterday, I had to lecture her for half-an-hour over this issue. I felt very agitated on noticing that there is pall of gloom that has overtaken her mood, as if I am going out of this world on an expedition. She feels I will go away from her with the new job, as it will require my presence on odd hours of the day at times.
She is not able to understand just like a fish dies when brought out of the river the same way a writer cannot live without writing and a journalist would lose interest in life and surrounding if he is to live out of journalitic work for long.
I feel very very disturbed on such a response coming from my wife. She is totally disheartened. Thankfully, her elder sister has started to understand what it would mean to stay out of journalism that too for a contractual job of six months.
Pratibha wants me to be available for her always. No matter whether we quarrel over silly issues or I have live in wait for her just like I have done in this last one-and-a-half month period at MDNIY.
She doesn't understand the worth of being a journalist and the value of being 'nobody' in the crowd.
Yesterday (Dec.28,2010), we completed six months of our marital bliss. But I had to do some straight talk to my affectionate wife.
We were to visit Lord Hanuman temple for our Tuesday-visit. On noticing her face so saddened, I had to ask and lecture her about my basic nature, personality and dedication to writing.
Even though I hate talking about myself, but had to do the same yesterday. I chose to make things quite clear to her so that there is no scope of any ambiguity in her mind henceforth.
I said, "I have chosen a field for taking up tough things. Even if I manage to learn one form of writing , I would be instinctly inclined to learn something new and better. After one platform, despite the financial rewards being satisfactory or not, I would always wish for higher platforms of writing. This is my basic nature to try hard and endure pain for excellence in life. "
"I have never wished to be ordinary but extraordinary performer in every pursuit of life. I am after knowledge and excellence and not satisfaction of any ordinary person who aims to lead a simple life."
I had to mention that her husband, that's me, has set himself tough goals and aims to enjoy the satisfaction of rising high and making a splash all around.
But all she wishes is just a decent amount of salary and my availabity for her outings or enjoyments. I felt highly fed up with this attitude.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
My dilemma and family....
Strange but true that I am faced with a strange dilemma in personal life over joining a coveted job of working at the foreign desk of IANS. None of my family members want me to join the new job and stay in the present one. They feel this five days a week job is the best thing.
They don't wish to think about contractual six-month job and the increasing stupid work profile and pressure. None of them is interested in making a note of the very fact this is non-journalistic job.
They don't realise the importance of working on Foreign Desk that too in a reputed news agency like IANS. They are very much scared with the shift system in IANS. I have informed that the new job will involve working 8 to 4 p.m. , 4.00 p.m to 12.00 midnight. and 12.00 a.m. to 8.00 a.m. . They concern is valid but they don't understand it could be quite useful for my career graph.
All of my seniors have asked me to jump and grab this opportunity.My family, including wife, doesn't understand the importance of getting back Journalist's tag and living without it. They view everything as just a JOB.
Strange but true that I am faced with a strange dilemma in personal life over joining a coveted job of working at the foreign desk of IANS. None of my family members want me to join the new job and stay in the present one. They feel this five days a week job is the best thing.
They don't wish to think about contractual six-month job and the increasing stupid work profile and pressure. None of them is interested in making a note of the very fact this is non-journalistic job.
They don't realise the importance of working on Foreign Desk that too in a reputed news agency like IANS. They are very much scared with the shift system in IANS. I have informed that the new job will involve working 8 to 4 p.m. , 4.00 p.m to 12.00 midnight. and 12.00 a.m. to 8.00 a.m. . They concern is valid but they don't understand it could be quite useful for my career graph.
All of my seniors have asked me to jump and grab this opportunity.My family, including wife, doesn't understand the importance of getting back Journalist's tag and living without it. They view everything as just a JOB.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Thank God you made me quit ANI on a good note......
Yes, I quit Asian News International (ANI) finally on Nov.15, 2010. That was my last day there.
I was in a doubt, whether I would ever be able to see or imagine myself living beyond working at ANI ever. My decision surprised many of my well-wishers as they learnt that I quit to join as media consultant at Morarji Desai National Inst. of Yoga (under Depart. of AYUSH), Ministry of Health.
It felt surprising also because I opted to not explore or utilise the available options of working in TV channels or rival News Agency and even Economic Times!) I know I disappointed many a people as much I disappointed the journalist in me. But , at the same time, my decision did delight all those who knew about the untenable circumstances I was working in for such a long time.
It will not be complete truth, if I said that I changed it for the sake of new opportunity. Rather, I left ANI as it had been consistently getting into my nerves.
The kind of intense stress and third-grade politics was killing me inside. I remember how on the very day I joined office on the third day after marriage, an emergency meet was convened to target me. It was a well-planned meeting to reflect an easily readable political trap for me.
I was told that my evening shift, that I did for over a year consistently, couldn't be changed in any circumstances. Even my weekly off, which was easily possible, could not be changed. It simply meant that no matter what my personal life was going to be affected henceforth. My bastard boss lacked humaneness when he mentioned the new rules of 'no change in shifts', exculively for me. I was told the evening shift meant for those who were not good writers. It was adding insult to injury for a person who had been writing on daily basis in last seven years without a break.
All this was a bastard act of Praful, an average Bihari journalist whose claim to fame is nothing beyond "Mere Bhaiya President ki security ke incharge hain". He colluded with Ashok DickShit to target me so that he could escape the hardship of evening shift.
My classification in the poor writers' category was quite hurtful. It was all the more surprising to everyone, as I am known for my writing among all.
It is worth mentioning here about the work profile I was assigned in ANI to evaluate my worth for Print Media section of ANI. In the last five years, I was made the sole incharge of Feature stories of ANI's print media section, the incharge of late evening shift happened two years ago. On the last day, as an ANI employee, my profile comprised being responsible for Jammu and Kashmir's stories, North East stories, Jharkhand, Chhattisgarh stories, writing Ministry of External Affairs's Exclusive Feature stories, handling all political, and international stories related to President, Prime Minister, and External Affairs Minister's foreign visits, Sports (Commonwealth Games's opening ceremony and closing ceremony related all stories). Even though my sincerity and dedication to my work without complaint, despite everything, had earned me respect gradually from Ashok Dick-Shit, the very man I hated the most all these years, but I was too anguished with the politics as had been played in the recent past here that I wanted to quit even for peanuts.
Ashok and Praful had joined hands in Harami Giri (the bastard act of putting resonsiblity on others) for the sake of just 'Daru ki Bottle' (a bottle of whisky).
But I have no ill-will for the great organisation, the ANI, that offered me an opportunity to explore the hidden writer in me. It was quite a privilege to work upon a variety of subjects. Various forms of writing required for them were gradually developed in me. It was initially, like in all writing jobs, much to do with adapting the right formats and stuffing relevant information in that. Later, it turned quite interesting exploration of style of presentation with words and placements of additional or relevant information to every writing piece. The whole credit for enabling me to write to my fullest potential goes to I.Ramamohan Rao, the Editior-in-Chief, the person I directly reported to. The immediate boss, Ashok Dixit, was a dampenor always. His job has always been to keep others demotivated like himself.
Ashok Dixit, my immediate boss and News Editor, threw a farewell lunch for me at a fantastic hotel in Green Park and my main boss that I respected the most all these years, Mr. I. Ramamohan Rao, threw another farewell party at the renovated Karnataka Sangha, in R.K.Puram after two days. The gesture of both the bosses touched my heart immensely. It was a farewell worth remembering forever for its sincere gesture. Honestly stating, I least expected it !.
Regards
Chaudhary Sandeep Datta
Yes, I quit Asian News International (ANI) finally on Nov.15, 2010. That was my last day there.
I was in a doubt, whether I would ever be able to see or imagine myself living beyond working at ANI ever. My decision surprised many of my well-wishers as they learnt that I quit to join as media consultant at Morarji Desai National Inst. of Yoga (under Depart. of AYUSH), Ministry of Health.
It felt surprising also because I opted to not explore or utilise the available options of working in TV channels or rival News Agency and even Economic Times!) I know I disappointed many a people as much I disappointed the journalist in me. But , at the same time, my decision did delight all those who knew about the untenable circumstances I was working in for such a long time.
It will not be complete truth, if I said that I changed it for the sake of new opportunity. Rather, I left ANI as it had been consistently getting into my nerves.
The kind of intense stress and third-grade politics was killing me inside. I remember how on the very day I joined office on the third day after marriage, an emergency meet was convened to target me. It was a well-planned meeting to reflect an easily readable political trap for me.
I was told that my evening shift, that I did for over a year consistently, couldn't be changed in any circumstances. Even my weekly off, which was easily possible, could not be changed. It simply meant that no matter what my personal life was going to be affected henceforth. My bastard boss lacked humaneness when he mentioned the new rules of 'no change in shifts', exculively for me. I was told the evening shift meant for those who were not good writers. It was adding insult to injury for a person who had been writing on daily basis in last seven years without a break.
All this was a bastard act of Praful, an average Bihari journalist whose claim to fame is nothing beyond "Mere Bhaiya President ki security ke incharge hain". He colluded with Ashok DickShit to target me so that he could escape the hardship of evening shift.
My classification in the poor writers' category was quite hurtful. It was all the more surprising to everyone, as I am known for my writing among all.
It is worth mentioning here about the work profile I was assigned in ANI to evaluate my worth for Print Media section of ANI. In the last five years, I was made the sole incharge of Feature stories of ANI's print media section, the incharge of late evening shift happened two years ago. On the last day, as an ANI employee, my profile comprised being responsible for Jammu and Kashmir's stories, North East stories, Jharkhand, Chhattisgarh stories, writing Ministry of External Affairs's Exclusive Feature stories, handling all political, and international stories related to President, Prime Minister, and External Affairs Minister's foreign visits, Sports (Commonwealth Games's opening ceremony and closing ceremony related all stories). Even though my sincerity and dedication to my work without complaint, despite everything, had earned me respect gradually from Ashok Dick-Shit, the very man I hated the most all these years, but I was too anguished with the politics as had been played in the recent past here that I wanted to quit even for peanuts.
Ashok and Praful had joined hands in Harami Giri (the bastard act of putting resonsiblity on others) for the sake of just 'Daru ki Bottle' (a bottle of whisky).
But I have no ill-will for the great organisation, the ANI, that offered me an opportunity to explore the hidden writer in me. It was quite a privilege to work upon a variety of subjects. Various forms of writing required for them were gradually developed in me. It was initially, like in all writing jobs, much to do with adapting the right formats and stuffing relevant information in that. Later, it turned quite interesting exploration of style of presentation with words and placements of additional or relevant information to every writing piece. The whole credit for enabling me to write to my fullest potential goes to I.Ramamohan Rao, the Editior-in-Chief, the person I directly reported to. The immediate boss, Ashok Dixit, was a dampenor always. His job has always been to keep others demotivated like himself.
Ashok Dixit, my immediate boss and News Editor, threw a farewell lunch for me at a fantastic hotel in Green Park and my main boss that I respected the most all these years, Mr. I. Ramamohan Rao, threw another farewell party at the renovated Karnataka Sangha, in R.K.Puram after two days. The gesture of both the bosses touched my heart immensely. It was a farewell worth remembering forever for its sincere gesture. Honestly stating, I least expected it !.
Regards
Chaudhary Sandeep Datta
Thursday, October 21, 2010
After all it’s all about two square meal
The elderly suggest that a woman should cook and serve food with peace in mind to keep one’s family delighted. Perhaps, most of the modern-day women need to learn this basic thing.
I have recently come across such a woman in my life. She knows how best to get ‘please don’t do this for me as I will do it myself’ sentence from my mouth and then make it an official line forever. With each passing incident like the latest one, I have realised the reasons why individuals stop loving their better halves and think beyond marriage and start focussing on other pursuits.
On Oct.28, it will be four months to my marriage. I remember one of the most compelling reasons to get married was to have someone who could take car of my meals.
I had literally starved myself for months since my beloved mother turned bed-ridden. Doctors observed she had met with mild brain stroke, which if repeated can turn into paralytic attack. The winter season posed a big challenge for me to protect her at any cost.
I tried my best. Sometimes by changing chicks to prevent unbearable chill to come inside her bedroom, making sure she has room heater kept on most of the time without bothering about electricity bill, ensuring she gets a vegetable in the afternoon which should not contain onion, as she has been pure vegetarian all her life.
But, personally, it was quite difficult for me to take care of my daily food. Often I would return late at night and there will be no dinner available, as the neighbourhood eateries or local Dhabas would close after 11.00 at night. In the afternoons, my lunch was limited to samosa and tea. It’s been actually quite nightmarish all these months for me. The office colleagues would point out : “Sir, why don’t’ you get married at the earliest and I gave up after a few months and decided to marry.”
My cousin and mentor came across a family during a matrimonial alliance meet. And, I was delighted he approved one girl ‘suitable’ for our family and more importantly, me.
Without bothering about her average looks, I decided after my 15-minute private conversation that she could be my life partner if she gives her nod after learning about my lifestyle as I sincerely narrated to her in brief.
I remember it was one of the biggest battle that I fought to have myself married with grace despite my elder brother and his wife’s incooperation and enemy-like role during the whole process till wedding day.
I don’t know but whenever I would feel dejected or disheartened I would assure myself once she was in my life, the happiness would come with her companionship.
But the irritation which started right from the first day, though thankfully at small scale. But the more she is trying to be a bit ‘smart’ , the more cautious and distant I am turning from her.
Yesterday’s experience when she reflected her compulsion to serve food at night to my best friend, who is chiefly responsible for her presence in my life, I was shocked and utterly disappointed from her.
I shouted like a mad man, as I couldn’t believe such a woman is related to me and I am having food from her hands all these days. Instead of viewing it as joy to be able to serve food , instead of properly cooking, for me, she is doing it as ‘compulsion’ . I realised it yesterday. What an unfortunate man I am that I have someone in my life who has such views for those who have been so faithful and caring to me for so many years much before she entered my life.
I am quite disturbed to notice instead of making a bigger space in my life, she is becoming a person worth observation for her ‘tricks’ or ‘tantrums’.
On the issue of food, I would say it’s quite difficult to enjoy food if served with compulsion by someone.
The elderly suggest that a woman should cook and serve food with peace in mind to keep one’s family delighted. Perhaps, most of the modern-day women need to learn this basic thing.
I have recently come across such a woman in my life. She knows how best to get ‘please don’t do this for me as I will do it myself’ sentence from my mouth and then make it an official line forever. With each passing incident like the latest one, I have realised the reasons why individuals stop loving their better halves and think beyond marriage and start focussing on other pursuits.
On Oct.28, it will be four months to my marriage. I remember one of the most compelling reasons to get married was to have someone who could take car of my meals.
I had literally starved myself for months since my beloved mother turned bed-ridden. Doctors observed she had met with mild brain stroke, which if repeated can turn into paralytic attack. The winter season posed a big challenge for me to protect her at any cost.
I tried my best. Sometimes by changing chicks to prevent unbearable chill to come inside her bedroom, making sure she has room heater kept on most of the time without bothering about electricity bill, ensuring she gets a vegetable in the afternoon which should not contain onion, as she has been pure vegetarian all her life.
But, personally, it was quite difficult for me to take care of my daily food. Often I would return late at night and there will be no dinner available, as the neighbourhood eateries or local Dhabas would close after 11.00 at night. In the afternoons, my lunch was limited to samosa and tea. It’s been actually quite nightmarish all these months for me. The office colleagues would point out : “Sir, why don’t’ you get married at the earliest and I gave up after a few months and decided to marry.”
My cousin and mentor came across a family during a matrimonial alliance meet. And, I was delighted he approved one girl ‘suitable’ for our family and more importantly, me.
Without bothering about her average looks, I decided after my 15-minute private conversation that she could be my life partner if she gives her nod after learning about my lifestyle as I sincerely narrated to her in brief.
I remember it was one of the biggest battle that I fought to have myself married with grace despite my elder brother and his wife’s incooperation and enemy-like role during the whole process till wedding day.
I don’t know but whenever I would feel dejected or disheartened I would assure myself once she was in my life, the happiness would come with her companionship.
But the irritation which started right from the first day, though thankfully at small scale. But the more she is trying to be a bit ‘smart’ , the more cautious and distant I am turning from her.
Yesterday’s experience when she reflected her compulsion to serve food at night to my best friend, who is chiefly responsible for her presence in my life, I was shocked and utterly disappointed from her.
I shouted like a mad man, as I couldn’t believe such a woman is related to me and I am having food from her hands all these days. Instead of viewing it as joy to be able to serve food , instead of properly cooking, for me, she is doing it as ‘compulsion’ . I realised it yesterday. What an unfortunate man I am that I have someone in my life who has such views for those who have been so faithful and caring to me for so many years much before she entered my life.
I am quite disturbed to notice instead of making a bigger space in my life, she is becoming a person worth observation for her ‘tricks’ or ‘tantrums’.
On the issue of food, I would say it’s quite difficult to enjoy food if served with compulsion by someone.
Monday, September 27, 2010
My marriage, a disappointing beginning of a new phase of life
The honeymoon period seems to have ended much earlier that I intended it to stretch. I had plans to educate my wife on the careful way and restraint approach that she would require to carry on with me in family and before all.
I remember I told everyone in family and the Khandan that they shouldn't go on looks but the kind of a special being I have selected in her. I termed her 'very impressive and adjusting sounding girl' who has the temperament and comes from a family culture that teaches her to take care of Everyone as an affectionate family member with my cooperation and protection for her mistakes every time.
Her overexcited statements to sound friendly or cheerful, I feel, are being looked upon as acts of a loving, affectionate and deeply respecting individual by our family. I can notice how they welcome her and listen to her with a smile.
But as I believe in looking at near future and the time which is bound to come with our present acts. I know she has deep regret for marrying a person with not so high salary and lost in his own world of self esteem or hollow ego. Perhaps, marrying a richer person who was less understanding and educated or caring could have been tolerable for her.
Though I am quite satisfied with her affection for me and developing of actual love for me so far, but it's her silly acts that agitate me beyond control. I feel very very saddened after shouting like an 'animal' at his prey but she invites it everytime. It actually hasn't affected me too much that she is slow learner in bed. I can understand her struggle in this from her point of view and accept that it's completely my responsibility to train her. And, soon I will. But I can least tolerate becoming an OPEN BOOK for any damn person on earth.
A big satisfaction is that she is winning my mother and sisters' affection but I know once she gets exposed by her own acts or over spokenness, she would make even a joke of her husband besides her.
Her childishly selfish reaction on handing over salary to Mumma showed her hidden self in very poor light to me. She was told before marriage that the extra salary is required to help create comfort in family and she would thus be needed to work. Perhaps, she has taken her as if she would work and earn for herself. I wonder what if, after marriage.
I see her nervousness when she talks 'money' money money if not in words, anymore, but in acts and greedy eyes towards 'luxurious things' in others' possession. I know I am wrong in expecting the same feeling of self-reliance or 'on my guts' to earn or win anything in life is just too much of asking from a person of such personality.
By the end of every argument, I end up feeling exhausted in mind. Especially when I realise I was actually preaching a person 'who simply cannot understand being very narrow-minded. Her hearing impairment is turning a serious concern for me. And, she doesn't know that it can spoil her charm in my eyes forever because of that.
I decided to write to her....a day previous to completing three months of marriage........and here the letter explains the experience.....
Having felt utterly disappointed and shocked with Pratibha, I decided to maintain distance from her. I intend to make our relation 'not so friendly', as over closeness of last three months has made our association a bit too open of a relation to entertain anyone wishing to have a hearty laugh.
Having tried my best to protect her in last three months from becoming a laughing stock in my family, as she is alien to what matters and what doesn't matter to our family members. She has a greediness to have what others have, and fails to realise the importance and value its presence in life. Her lifestyle is of any
I meant what I said. You don't deserve friendly approach in our relation, as it involves sharing many things in privacy. But I have noticed you lack that maturity to retain things to yourself.
It remains a lifetime shock to me that things related to our sexual life have been shared with mother in law and sister threadbare. Had it been anyone he could have dropped you immediately at home and advised you to share as much as you wished to. But it was my mistake that I trusted such a person again and shared many things, thinking she would learn that a husband and wife's talks or habits or acts are not shared in public or among family members too seniors or juniors to him.
I have tried my best so far to sound an irritating person but save you from public mockery in long term. But with the latest act you have shown that you are basically A STUPID, who feels despite being a married person and aged well past 30 her words will not be taken seriously by anyone.
For the first time since Bhaiya's marriage I looked an idiot before Bhabhi and kids, who noticed that this so called 'responsible and mature' person could not properly train his wife how to conduct herself in family. She goes kiddish and turns a joke for all with her silly or credulous behaviour equal to children, even when she is related to someone who is most reserve in family.
What Sharada Bhabhi told you about 'moti wandey hon ge zaroor' was a compliment (though I don't deserve it) that showed how much your husband has been valued before marriage by relatives and why.
You haven't realised your role and basic conduct after officially being associated to me. You have not realised the day you married you are taken seriously and keenly observed for every word and act.
Failing to take up responsibilities at home, has already given you an awkward introduction. But your growing silly acts and statements 'Bhabhi ka angan' , or words like 'Bhukhi', 'ridiculous' or physical ailments like having hearing problem are beginning to create long term problems for you. I don't know about others, they may be lenient towards you for a longer time or accept you with that forever, but that's not possible with me.
The honeymoon period seems to have ended much earlier that I intended it to stretch. I had plans to educate my wife on the careful way and restraint approach that she would require to carry on with me in family and before all.
I remember I told everyone in family and the Khandan that they shouldn't go on looks but the kind of a special being I have selected in her. I termed her 'very impressive and adjusting sounding girl' who has the temperament and comes from a family culture that teaches her to take care of Everyone as an affectionate family member with my cooperation and protection for her mistakes every time.
Her overexcited statements to sound friendly or cheerful, I feel, are being looked upon as acts of a loving, affectionate and deeply respecting individual by our family. I can notice how they welcome her and listen to her with a smile.
But as I believe in looking at near future and the time which is bound to come with our present acts. I know she has deep regret for marrying a person with not so high salary and lost in his own world of self esteem or hollow ego. Perhaps, marrying a richer person who was less understanding and educated or caring could have been tolerable for her.
Though I am quite satisfied with her affection for me and developing of actual love for me so far, but it's her silly acts that agitate me beyond control. I feel very very saddened after shouting like an 'animal' at his prey but she invites it everytime. It actually hasn't affected me too much that she is slow learner in bed. I can understand her struggle in this from her point of view and accept that it's completely my responsibility to train her. And, soon I will. But I can least tolerate becoming an OPEN BOOK for any damn person on earth.
A big satisfaction is that she is winning my mother and sisters' affection but I know once she gets exposed by her own acts or over spokenness, she would make even a joke of her husband besides her.
Her childishly selfish reaction on handing over salary to Mumma showed her hidden self in very poor light to me. She was told before marriage that the extra salary is required to help create comfort in family and she would thus be needed to work. Perhaps, she has taken her as if she would work and earn for herself. I wonder what if, after marriage.
I see her nervousness when she talks 'money' money money if not in words, anymore, but in acts and greedy eyes towards 'luxurious things' in others' possession. I know I am wrong in expecting the same feeling of self-reliance or 'on my guts' to earn or win anything in life is just too much of asking from a person of such personality.
By the end of every argument, I end up feeling exhausted in mind. Especially when I realise I was actually preaching a person 'who simply cannot understand being very narrow-minded. Her hearing impairment is turning a serious concern for me. And, she doesn't know that it can spoil her charm in my eyes forever because of that.
I decided to write to her....a day previous to completing three months of marriage........and here the letter explains the experience.....
Having felt utterly disappointed and shocked with Pratibha, I decided to maintain distance from her. I intend to make our relation 'not so friendly', as over closeness of last three months has made our association a bit too open of a relation to entertain anyone wishing to have a hearty laugh.
Having tried my best to protect her in last three months from becoming a laughing stock in my family, as she is alien to what matters and what doesn't matter to our family members. She has a greediness to have what others have, and fails to realise the importance and value its presence in life. Her lifestyle is of any
I meant what I said. You don't deserve friendly approach in our relation, as it involves sharing many things in privacy. But I have noticed you lack that maturity to retain things to yourself.
It remains a lifetime shock to me that things related to our sexual life have been shared with mother in law and sister threadbare. Had it been anyone he could have dropped you immediately at home and advised you to share as much as you wished to. But it was my mistake that I trusted such a person again and shared many things, thinking she would learn that a husband and wife's talks or habits or acts are not shared in public or among family members too seniors or juniors to him.
I have tried my best so far to sound an irritating person but save you from public mockery in long term. But with the latest act you have shown that you are basically A STUPID, who feels despite being a married person and aged well past 30 her words will not be taken seriously by anyone.
For the first time since Bhaiya's marriage I looked an idiot before Bhabhi and kids, who noticed that this so called 'responsible and mature' person could not properly train his wife how to conduct herself in family. She goes kiddish and turns a joke for all with her silly or credulous behaviour equal to children, even when she is related to someone who is most reserve in family.
What Sharada Bhabhi told you about 'moti wandey hon ge zaroor' was a compliment (though I don't deserve it) that showed how much your husband has been valued before marriage by relatives and why.
You haven't realised your role and basic conduct after officially being associated to me. You have not realised the day you married you are taken seriously and keenly observed for every word and act.
Failing to take up responsibilities at home, has already given you an awkward introduction. But your growing silly acts and statements 'Bhabhi ka angan' , or words like 'Bhukhi', 'ridiculous' or physical ailments like having hearing problem are beginning to create long term problems for you. I don't know about others, they may be lenient towards you for a longer time or accept you with that forever, but that's not possible with me.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Yes, having her in my life is actually a differnt joy. I am trying my best to prepare her for everything and everyone which may otherwise prove quite difficult to handle or deal with otherwise.
I wish to save her for any eventuality in the circumstances at my home, which require a careful approach in one's conduct and utterances. As I have been a reserved fellow in general and quite assertive on certain occasions, my better half requires to guard her conduct for obvious reasons.
I feel sorry to observe but she has to be quite watchful in her utterancs in particular. Her pet word is 'disgusting', she always keeps her mind busy with the thougts of 'air conditioner', car, MONEY, MONEY and more MONEY.
She is yet to learn the maturity what should be or shouldn't be revealed about her husband. Plus, she has a habit of hiding things from me, which I expose bitterly when I feel like. SHe is fearful of Bhabhi and her dangerous politics.
The more she feels 'free' before anyone, the more she tends to commit another blunder to invite criticism or laughter.
Well, she is a late riser. Till date (Sep.9, 2010), what she cooks is barely enough for one person or two for breakfast. She cooks sukhe aloo, manchurian, corns. That's it. She cooks chapati for me in the evening. But on Sundays, I think she cooks Dal, which I don't eat as I never eat Dal while Rajma Chawal are available.
So far this is the reality. I have mentioned this to her once quite strongly. But she says she needs time to take up entire responsibilty for food, as she is 'NEW'.
But I believe partialy i am also guilty, as we sleep around 2.00 or 3.00. But now I am changing that sleeping time, as it gets very exhaustive and sleep for no reason. I ahve to go to computers almost everyday to satisfy me ultimately.
I wish to save her for any eventuality in the circumstances at my home, which require a careful approach in one's conduct and utterances. As I have been a reserved fellow in general and quite assertive on certain occasions, my better half requires to guard her conduct for obvious reasons.
I feel sorry to observe but she has to be quite watchful in her utterancs in particular. Her pet word is 'disgusting', she always keeps her mind busy with the thougts of 'air conditioner', car, MONEY, MONEY and more MONEY.
She is yet to learn the maturity what should be or shouldn't be revealed about her husband. Plus, she has a habit of hiding things from me, which I expose bitterly when I feel like. SHe is fearful of Bhabhi and her dangerous politics.
The more she feels 'free' before anyone, the more she tends to commit another blunder to invite criticism or laughter.
Well, she is a late riser. Till date (Sep.9, 2010), what she cooks is barely enough for one person or two for breakfast. She cooks sukhe aloo, manchurian, corns. That's it. She cooks chapati for me in the evening. But on Sundays, I think she cooks Dal, which I don't eat as I never eat Dal while Rajma Chawal are available.
So far this is the reality. I have mentioned this to her once quite strongly. But she says she needs time to take up entire responsibilty for food, as she is 'NEW'.
But I believe partialy i am also guilty, as we sleep around 2.00 or 3.00. But now I am changing that sleeping time, as it gets very exhaustive and sleep for no reason. I ahve to go to computers almost everyday to satisfy me ultimately.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Aug.2, 2010
I am surprised at my surprise to notice what an individual of our family is doing to my married life. May be it is the timing which led to my surprise. It was Sunday morning when I took Pratibha to buy raincoats. As she was to start her official routine from Monday onwards, I decided to take her to Azad market and buy raincoat. On return journey, she requested me to take her to Ridge area, as she had heard a lot about it before marriage.
I find it quite nice demand, as it would also take me to a place full of greenary all around in a rainy weather. Both of us were soon in the ridge area of Delhi University. She enjoyed every moment as I felt she would.
As we entered Delhi University's Jawahar Vatika adjoined with teh universtiy ground, she revealed me something quite important. She took my promise not to reveal it anyone but to keep it all to myself. I 'promised'. She narrated how Bhabhi has been poisoning her mind by talking about our family and particularly me. She has been critical of me and blamed me for 'ill treating' her in the past. She mentioned a lot in praise of her husband and how 'happy' she was with her husband. The silly things like daily juices and 'very caring' approach of her husband for her were narrated in detail. She was critical of me and Chanchal, my widow sister, for ill treating her. And, she also mentioned that me and my elder brother, her husband, are actually very hard to deal with. She narrated that she had almost all the luxuries of the world and was thus very very happy. She said that her husband and herself were of the opinon that Sandeep has got a nice wife in Pratibha by chance and were surprised over it. She expressed her concern and tried to prick her for being a working woman and also a housewife. She said she should carry on working till she could manage and take care of her instead of what family or husband thinks.
Bhabhi told Pratibha that there is no more possibility of any new construction work or change taking place inside the house and she should forget all that from Sandeep's side. She mentioned that a lot of money has been spent on the marriage. And, that her husband has told her once that he has collected enough money to even take care of even Sandeep's children. Like a typical, mother in law, Bhabhi pulled her that she has been gifted with two jewellery sets from her mother's side and the in laws (Sandeep's family) could only gift her with one jewellery set. Bhabhi tried to provoke Pratibha's mind with all this knowing very well that Sandeep intends to keep her away from such stupid matters and lead a quality life.
Bhabhi knows it well that she is playing a trick to spoil my personal life, as she along with her four sisters have already done to first wife of her elder brother in Tilak Nagar.
I felt very pleased with my beloved wife for confiding in me and revealing all that to me. I narrated her how Bhabhi is trying to poison her new inning of married life. I told her she is playing her move of the chessboard. It's nothing but hardcore family politics where she intends to spoil my married life, just like she has done in her brother's life. I told her that it is nothing but because I rejected her niece whom she wanted to marry off with me. She wanted me to obey her diktats and let her live her own chosen way. She wanted maximum freedom to roam around without any family restrictions and set her own rules. Bhaiya has been a poor guy in all this as he doesn't have the guts to control her. I believe she is taking advantage of his some 'big' weak point that she may have observed recently. She is jealous like her husband (my brother) and suffering from inferiority complex for a long time from me. And, everything is being done to create differences and unsettle my life.
But I couldn't tell her that Bhabhi's both brothers have a seriously troubled life with the eldest one facing complaints from her second wife before crime against women cell. He has been booked for beating his wife with iron rods.
Off and on Bhabhi complains to us that Bhaiya wants dowry! And how laughable matter this is because Bhaiya has amassed so much money from his textile business that he can purchase his family not just once but five times. We chose her from a poor family and accepted her with grace but now she is showing her true colours after 10 years of marriage.
She wants my room at the ground floor for her children's study room. It is demand to actually make me vacate a room so that she could enjoy full rule at the ground floor without hindrance or being inspected by anyoen. And, I AM DETERMINED NOT TO LET HER DO SO AT ANY COST!
The biggest joy is me and my wife are realising her intentions and turning extra careful about her designing character. Bhabhi is doing a hara-kiri, a Japanese way of suicide. She is all set to lose entire family's affection. I just want my wife to win hearts of my family, as she will not have to compete with anyone for being more considerate. All she has to do is to be a bit more careful in her words and develop an affectionate approach.
Regards
Chaudhary Sandeep Datta
I am surprised at my surprise to notice what an individual of our family is doing to my married life. May be it is the timing which led to my surprise. It was Sunday morning when I took Pratibha to buy raincoats. As she was to start her official routine from Monday onwards, I decided to take her to Azad market and buy raincoat. On return journey, she requested me to take her to Ridge area, as she had heard a lot about it before marriage.
I find it quite nice demand, as it would also take me to a place full of greenary all around in a rainy weather. Both of us were soon in the ridge area of Delhi University. She enjoyed every moment as I felt she would.
As we entered Delhi University's Jawahar Vatika adjoined with teh universtiy ground, she revealed me something quite important. She took my promise not to reveal it anyone but to keep it all to myself. I 'promised'. She narrated how Bhabhi has been poisoning her mind by talking about our family and particularly me. She has been critical of me and blamed me for 'ill treating' her in the past. She mentioned a lot in praise of her husband and how 'happy' she was with her husband. The silly things like daily juices and 'very caring' approach of her husband for her were narrated in detail. She was critical of me and Chanchal, my widow sister, for ill treating her. And, she also mentioned that me and my elder brother, her husband, are actually very hard to deal with. She narrated that she had almost all the luxuries of the world and was thus very very happy. She said that her husband and herself were of the opinon that Sandeep has got a nice wife in Pratibha by chance and were surprised over it. She expressed her concern and tried to prick her for being a working woman and also a housewife. She said she should carry on working till she could manage and take care of her instead of what family or husband thinks.
Bhabhi told Pratibha that there is no more possibility of any new construction work or change taking place inside the house and she should forget all that from Sandeep's side. She mentioned that a lot of money has been spent on the marriage. And, that her husband has told her once that he has collected enough money to even take care of even Sandeep's children. Like a typical, mother in law, Bhabhi pulled her that she has been gifted with two jewellery sets from her mother's side and the in laws (Sandeep's family) could only gift her with one jewellery set. Bhabhi tried to provoke Pratibha's mind with all this knowing very well that Sandeep intends to keep her away from such stupid matters and lead a quality life.
Bhabhi knows it well that she is playing a trick to spoil my personal life, as she along with her four sisters have already done to first wife of her elder brother in Tilak Nagar.
I felt very pleased with my beloved wife for confiding in me and revealing all that to me. I narrated her how Bhabhi is trying to poison her new inning of married life. I told her she is playing her move of the chessboard. It's nothing but hardcore family politics where she intends to spoil my married life, just like she has done in her brother's life. I told her that it is nothing but because I rejected her niece whom she wanted to marry off with me. She wanted me to obey her diktats and let her live her own chosen way. She wanted maximum freedom to roam around without any family restrictions and set her own rules. Bhaiya has been a poor guy in all this as he doesn't have the guts to control her. I believe she is taking advantage of his some 'big' weak point that she may have observed recently. She is jealous like her husband (my brother) and suffering from inferiority complex for a long time from me. And, everything is being done to create differences and unsettle my life.
But I couldn't tell her that Bhabhi's both brothers have a seriously troubled life with the eldest one facing complaints from her second wife before crime against women cell. He has been booked for beating his wife with iron rods.
Off and on Bhabhi complains to us that Bhaiya wants dowry! And how laughable matter this is because Bhaiya has amassed so much money from his textile business that he can purchase his family not just once but five times. We chose her from a poor family and accepted her with grace but now she is showing her true colours after 10 years of marriage.
She wants my room at the ground floor for her children's study room. It is demand to actually make me vacate a room so that she could enjoy full rule at the ground floor without hindrance or being inspected by anyoen. And, I AM DETERMINED NOT TO LET HER DO SO AT ANY COST!
The biggest joy is me and my wife are realising her intentions and turning extra careful about her designing character. Bhabhi is doing a hara-kiri, a Japanese way of suicide. She is all set to lose entire family's affection. I just want my wife to win hearts of my family, as she will not have to compete with anyone for being more considerate. All she has to do is to be a bit more careful in her words and develop an affectionate approach.
Regards
Chaudhary Sandeep Datta
Thursday, July 29, 2010
One month of my marriage....
On July 28, I completed one month of my marriage and living together with my better half Pratibha. Thankfully, by the grace of God, it was Ok with her.
She has been affectionate, careworn and loving all these days. The honeymoon is actually a superb thing, I realised it after spending a week with her. Most of the experienced people would tell skipping this most awaited period of married life can prove disastrous to carry on with any woman who has married you. I didn't take much time and planned it very carefully. It was planned quite minutely to avoid any major discomfort. Many experienced individuals and local natives' personal advise was sought to keep it a smooth and joyful journey.
I remained quite focussed to keep it blunder-free, the errors were acceptable. I was quite focussed to 'what' next' throughout the trip and hence enjoyed only after reaching at any place. My concern remained her saftey and comfort. She thought I was not showing involvement. But I knew my mental occupation with work to do was vital and her expectations were natural 'wishes' of a newly married girl.
Both of us kept observing each other in real way. I felt she was intelligent enough to observe me broadly. My moody-self and short temperament was something I wanted her to witness besides the romantic person in me. I also showed her my tastes as a nature lover, photographer and religious person. I believe she noticed that her husband could actually take care of her and was equally religious-minded as she is. She liked my religious side of personality.
However, more than anything we got a big chance to know each other and introduce each other by our nature to an extent. I presented myself as a moody and angry man who would object to everything going off the plan or basic mannerism or respect of a husband. She took me as a boy friend whom she could talk the way she wanted to. I made her clear, this is 'HUSBAND'. I felt it was needed to keep things going off limits in next few days after returning home.
I found her caring but quite casual in many things. She looked to be a child brought up with a bit too much 'don't worry' approach. I tried to make her feel that she needed to be quite attentive and hold responsibility about what happens due to what she does casually. For instance, her taking too much time to be ready irritated me the most.
However, these days I am struggling to make her bring some changes in her way of life, as she begins her actual life with a person of my tastes and lifestyle. At times she raises her tone and I have to silence her a bit harshly. Her obession for Air Conditioned environment and dream to CHANGE me has faded.
But God knows that I am trying to apprise her of all possible mistakes or silly acts that may make her become a laughing stock in our family or my social circle. Being aware of what is required in our family or social circle, it is my duty to keep her alarmed about every act.
At times, Pratibha understands. But most of the time she is arguing with me without even listening to me completely. I have found her carrying a baggage of negative experience as lived by others in the past at her parents' side.
She has a bad habit of interrupting in mid-way and hence faces my tough talk. She has a number of strange habits and thus faces my flak.
Like most of the time, even during honeymoon, I told her not to use "Tu" for me, as I was not any junior friends of hers or boy friend. She is yet to overcome her this habit. Many a times I have asked her not to express her care as if I am a school kid seeking mummy's feed or care. I have conveyed her to just control her behavior from looking stupidly caring towards me. Her slightly deafness has shocked me and I want it to be treated immediately. I just fear it should not be permanent or a fact kept secret from me. Had the latter fact proved a truth, I would feel Cheated.
Her high pitch in talking to me or talking back to me is something I find quite disturbing and will make her mend herself. Unfortunately, almost everyday she has to face my rough side,But I am also trying to be tolerant and adjustable to a new person and her strangeness in attitude. I was shocked to see today that an MBA by education person would avoid reading even one news in the newspaper and would cling it for 'horoscope' or bollywood gossip age, known as Page 3.
Frankly, I felt I have got somebody with very ordinary intellectual tastes. I hope she will understand value of my tastes and at least give me my space to carry on with them without getting 'shocked' or 'ignorant' of its significane in an inquisitive journalist's life.
On July 28, I completed one month of my marriage and living together with my better half Pratibha. Thankfully, by the grace of God, it was Ok with her.
She has been affectionate, careworn and loving all these days. The honeymoon is actually a superb thing, I realised it after spending a week with her. Most of the experienced people would tell skipping this most awaited period of married life can prove disastrous to carry on with any woman who has married you. I didn't take much time and planned it very carefully. It was planned quite minutely to avoid any major discomfort. Many experienced individuals and local natives' personal advise was sought to keep it a smooth and joyful journey.
I remained quite focussed to keep it blunder-free, the errors were acceptable. I was quite focussed to 'what' next' throughout the trip and hence enjoyed only after reaching at any place. My concern remained her saftey and comfort. She thought I was not showing involvement. But I knew my mental occupation with work to do was vital and her expectations were natural 'wishes' of a newly married girl.
Both of us kept observing each other in real way. I felt she was intelligent enough to observe me broadly. My moody-self and short temperament was something I wanted her to witness besides the romantic person in me. I also showed her my tastes as a nature lover, photographer and religious person. I believe she noticed that her husband could actually take care of her and was equally religious-minded as she is. She liked my religious side of personality.
However, more than anything we got a big chance to know each other and introduce each other by our nature to an extent. I presented myself as a moody and angry man who would object to everything going off the plan or basic mannerism or respect of a husband. She took me as a boy friend whom she could talk the way she wanted to. I made her clear, this is 'HUSBAND'. I felt it was needed to keep things going off limits in next few days after returning home.
I found her caring but quite casual in many things. She looked to be a child brought up with a bit too much 'don't worry' approach. I tried to make her feel that she needed to be quite attentive and hold responsibility about what happens due to what she does casually. For instance, her taking too much time to be ready irritated me the most.
However, these days I am struggling to make her bring some changes in her way of life, as she begins her actual life with a person of my tastes and lifestyle. At times she raises her tone and I have to silence her a bit harshly. Her obession for Air Conditioned environment and dream to CHANGE me has faded.
But God knows that I am trying to apprise her of all possible mistakes or silly acts that may make her become a laughing stock in our family or my social circle. Being aware of what is required in our family or social circle, it is my duty to keep her alarmed about every act.
At times, Pratibha understands. But most of the time she is arguing with me without even listening to me completely. I have found her carrying a baggage of negative experience as lived by others in the past at her parents' side.
She has a bad habit of interrupting in mid-way and hence faces my tough talk. She has a number of strange habits and thus faces my flak.
Like most of the time, even during honeymoon, I told her not to use "Tu" for me, as I was not any junior friends of hers or boy friend. She is yet to overcome her this habit. Many a times I have asked her not to express her care as if I am a school kid seeking mummy's feed or care. I have conveyed her to just control her behavior from looking stupidly caring towards me. Her slightly deafness has shocked me and I want it to be treated immediately. I just fear it should not be permanent or a fact kept secret from me. Had the latter fact proved a truth, I would feel Cheated.
Her high pitch in talking to me or talking back to me is something I find quite disturbing and will make her mend herself. Unfortunately, almost everyday she has to face my rough side,But I am also trying to be tolerant and adjustable to a new person and her strangeness in attitude. I was shocked to see today that an MBA by education person would avoid reading even one news in the newspaper and would cling it for 'horoscope' or bollywood gossip age, known as Page 3.
Frankly, I felt I have got somebody with very ordinary intellectual tastes. I hope she will understand value of my tastes and at least give me my space to carry on with them without getting 'shocked' or 'ignorant' of its significane in an inquisitive journalist's life.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
I am taking time to understand that now i am joined by someone in personal life, where I have never allowed anyone to enter.
And, many other things that I feel I need to realise at the earliest is 6.00 p.m. means 7.00 and being ready at the earliest dose means after 45 minutes, having my breakfast means 40 minutes of just eating and unwantedly smiling instead of the previous 10 minutes of gobbling food and flipping through newspapers in complete silence.
And, many other things that I feel I need to realise at the earliest is 6.00 p.m. means 7.00 and being ready at the earliest dose means after 45 minutes, having my breakfast means 40 minutes of just eating and unwantedly smiling instead of the previous 10 minutes of gobbling food and flipping through newspapers in complete silence.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
My Honeymoon.......
Well!! I am back in Delhi after seven days (July 9 to 15,2010) of honeymoon, the most awaited phase of a man and woman's life after marriage. After having cancelled twice for Jammu and Kashmir, I finally headed to Vaishno Devi in Jammu and Himachal in place of Kashmir, the heaven on earth.
Interestingly, we had to pre-pone it by 12 hours due to Ambala flood situation and the train journey was changed into bus journey. Thankfully, it was by Volvo! We reached Katra, the base camp for Vaishno Devi pilgrimage. We stayed at Durga Hotel for short stay, as we were a bit late for relaxing for two-three hours at the Shrine Board's room. It's called short stay. We finally landed in Durga Hotel, the oldest and biggest hotel, located opposite to Jewels, the ultimate place for fresh, clean, and quality food. It’s any gourmet’s delight.
We left for the ultimate pilgrimage at 7.45 p.m. and returned the next morning riding Khachhars....it was an ultimate joy.....thereafter we visited Dharamshala, stayed at Govt. Guest house with the help of a friend.It was a great joy...surrounded by mountains and fog on the following morning after rainshower. We enjoyed it greatly.
Thereafter we visited Bhagsu nath temple, devoted to Lord Shiva, Dalai Lama temple, an unforgettable and fascinating place full of peace and prayers, and the McLoed Ganj. She didn’t realize McLoed Ganj was about a market full of extraordinary beautiful Buddhists and foreigners. I realized it only when after our brief wandering there for an hour in the market while enjoying the romantic breeze, she asked……Sunna ji yaahan se chalao ab…mujhe McLoed Ganj jana hai!!!! I was surprised. She was left blushing….at her soft-minded or rather ignorant reply.
But the pleasant weather made it a great joy visiting any place.
Later, we headed towards Pathankot, a place where you will find it all buses standing except the one you wish to board. We waited for an hour.
Well, we travelled mostly by local buses there. It was a great joy for me enjoying the local feel. Maybe it wasn't that much for Pratibha. But soon she felt there is different feel and joy than waiting for hours for luxury buses or expensive private cabs to cover even short distances.
The valleys and the mountains added to the mood and joy. The buses were never crowded so we felt nice. Actually, both of us travelled all places as old buddies enjoying a short trip outside home for the first time after a long time of separation. :) Well, then we reached Chamunda Devi, the place I deeply worship and value. I told her that it was the same Devi before whom I had prayed after failing in standard XII exams to bless me with guidance, intelligence and knowledge. She realised it's importance. We had plans to visit Palampur, Tapovan and one more place on the next day. But, on request of a friend, who had arranged our stay in one of his relative's hotel for free, we decided to spend another day at Chamunda Devi. The hotel was very good to be there besides the mood-lifting, soothing and pleasant green surroundings with all greeting mountains around us.
The following day in Chamuda Devi happened to be my b'day also. With my pre-paid phone being inaccessible for all, I missed everyone's blessings and faced the annoyance a few days later. But, it was actually very nice staying there and attendin Aartis four times in two days. It was a great joy also spending time sittin on pebbles or large stones in the river in Chamunda Devi temple.
After that we boarded another bus and left for Amritsar. My dearest and closest journalist friend Ravinder Singh Robin, Bureau Chief of Punjab who always travels with President and Prime Minister and Foreign Minister invited us to pay obeisance at Harmandar Saheb or, the Golden temple.
I agreed to take further obligation from him after having enjoyed free accomodation at his relative's hotel for two days in Chamunda Devi. Though i don't believe in free lunch as a principal but his affection had overwhelmed me. It was Atithi hotel, a three storey building and the second attractive place to stay in Chamunda Devi.
As i reached Amritsar, I had finished explaining Pratibha that we were actually going to visit Robin's residence, located in a remote area in border villages. I advised her not to let her veil or head covering beyond nose-tip, as it will like flouting typical Punjabi customs as maintained and valued by such families in villages. She was scared. I told her to avoid using Hindi or English, as the ladies at his home prefer and understand just Teth Punjabi, the hardcore Punjabi that is too difficult to understand by even Punjabis leave aside non-Punjabis. She turned nervous. I told her there was nothing to worrry about as she would be in Janankhana!! But what's that Sandeep,,,she asked me. I smiled and said it's nothing but a place in a house that is meant for woman only. And, there will be my friend's aged mother, Dadi, Nani and wife to converse with whole night! She turned pale. I said don't worry they will take care tht you have hand-held Pankhi and mosquitoes shouldn't touch you!! She was like.....Sandeep plsss after such a good stay why you are pushing me into all that....I said: Don't worry my dear.....it will be a distinct joy ....going to Jangal Pani.....with a lalten . But whyyyyyyyy.......sandeep....plss tell me ...why can't we skip all thisssss and go to home.....Pratibha asked me.....I said arreyy it's a courtesy to visit my affectionate friend after enjoying his hotel at Chamunda. She murmured something and just settled down in her seat, as i had just added telling ther that she would definitely be accompanied by any child or lady in the fields with lantern! And, it was obvious as it is being said that electricity is going to be available in there village in next five years!! She started sweating...after hearing to all this. She said ....Sandy yaaar....plssssssss....I said: "arrey madam don't worry....it's a joy of different sort and i want to be strong enough wife of a journalist who likes rural life!!!!!
Finally, we reached Amritsar bus stop. My friend Ravinder Singh informed that some close relative is hospitalised and he has to rush back to him. So , he advised me to just visit Darbar Saheb first and later he would catch both of us. He sent a car with a driver and two of his journalists to assist us. They collected our heavy bags to relieve us from its weight and we headed to Darbar Sahib. We were given VIP treatment. The car was parked where nobody's allowed. I was given Rumala and we entered. As usual, my camera's battery ditched at the first pic. One of the two journalists rushed back to car and brought two camera, as they had planned for us. We were clicked before Darbar Sahib and I was happy as it was my first combine click with her. I remained clicking stones, trees, rivers and her throughout the tour and just avoided clicking myself too.
So, my delight was obvious. We were introduced to the in-charge of entire arrangement at Golden temple and later escorted inside the magnificent Golden Temple's sanctum sanctorum. Both of our two new journalist friends were ensuring that we should cover Darshan and due meet with Ravinder Singh within our one-and-a-half hour's time available at our disposal in Amritsar. One of the two journos escorting us whispered something to one of the main Granthis inside the sanctum sanctorum. And, he presented Pratibha with the Saropa, a special religious gift from the temple body often given to VIPs. I felt blessed that my wife recieved it.
Ravinder called up and ensured that we get the best food for our back journey to home. I asked him to leave everything and just meet. He reserved lobby of a huge and captivating hotel for us. We reached there by the car along with the two journalists who assist Ravinder Singh. He was waiting there with his innocent Mrs. and a very handsome child. I termed him an NRI, as his father travels foreign almost every second month.
Well, the meet was actually a family meet and both of them were highly courteous. I wanted to show my wife how down to earth and affectionate my friend Robin Singh is despite his big profile in Punjab, not just in Amritsar. It was actually a great meeting, as she had an opportunity to meet my first friend outside Delhi.
He also arranged for our return journey by Volvo. Pratibha was delighted that she finally had her 'AC' bus at her serivce in her last leg of honeymoon. Ravinder Singh brought her another stylish and luxury vehicle and dropped us. Our luggage was brought in another car by the other two journalists. We had a good talk and our share of laughter with that loving couple and invited them to visit Delhi at the earliest.
Pratibha was so ecstatic after meeting both of them and the special arrangements that she requested me now to stay back at Amritsar for a day as being consistenly requested by Ravinder Singh and family !!!! I smiled and asked her to just remember Amritsar as her second in-laws' house where she would be visiting very soon whenever it's possible for a long stay.
Really, both of us returned, by everyone's blessings with a big cheer on our faces and delight inside our hearts.
Well!! I am back in Delhi after seven days (July 9 to 15,2010) of honeymoon, the most awaited phase of a man and woman's life after marriage. After having cancelled twice for Jammu and Kashmir, I finally headed to Vaishno Devi in Jammu and Himachal in place of Kashmir, the heaven on earth.
Interestingly, we had to pre-pone it by 12 hours due to Ambala flood situation and the train journey was changed into bus journey. Thankfully, it was by Volvo! We reached Katra, the base camp for Vaishno Devi pilgrimage. We stayed at Durga Hotel for short stay, as we were a bit late for relaxing for two-three hours at the Shrine Board's room. It's called short stay. We finally landed in Durga Hotel, the oldest and biggest hotel, located opposite to Jewels, the ultimate place for fresh, clean, and quality food. It’s any gourmet’s delight.
We left for the ultimate pilgrimage at 7.45 p.m. and returned the next morning riding Khachhars....it was an ultimate joy.....thereafter we visited Dharamshala, stayed at Govt. Guest house with the help of a friend.It was a great joy...surrounded by mountains and fog on the following morning after rainshower. We enjoyed it greatly.
Thereafter we visited Bhagsu nath temple, devoted to Lord Shiva, Dalai Lama temple, an unforgettable and fascinating place full of peace and prayers, and the McLoed Ganj. She didn’t realize McLoed Ganj was about a market full of extraordinary beautiful Buddhists and foreigners. I realized it only when after our brief wandering there for an hour in the market while enjoying the romantic breeze, she asked……Sunna ji yaahan se chalao ab…mujhe McLoed Ganj jana hai!!!! I was surprised. She was left blushing….at her soft-minded or rather ignorant reply.
But the pleasant weather made it a great joy visiting any place.
Later, we headed towards Pathankot, a place where you will find it all buses standing except the one you wish to board. We waited for an hour.
Well, we travelled mostly by local buses there. It was a great joy for me enjoying the local feel. Maybe it wasn't that much for Pratibha. But soon she felt there is different feel and joy than waiting for hours for luxury buses or expensive private cabs to cover even short distances.
The valleys and the mountains added to the mood and joy. The buses were never crowded so we felt nice. Actually, both of us travelled all places as old buddies enjoying a short trip outside home for the first time after a long time of separation. :) Well, then we reached Chamunda Devi, the place I deeply worship and value. I told her that it was the same Devi before whom I had prayed after failing in standard XII exams to bless me with guidance, intelligence and knowledge. She realised it's importance. We had plans to visit Palampur, Tapovan and one more place on the next day. But, on request of a friend, who had arranged our stay in one of his relative's hotel for free, we decided to spend another day at Chamunda Devi. The hotel was very good to be there besides the mood-lifting, soothing and pleasant green surroundings with all greeting mountains around us.
The following day in Chamuda Devi happened to be my b'day also. With my pre-paid phone being inaccessible for all, I missed everyone's blessings and faced the annoyance a few days later. But, it was actually very nice staying there and attendin Aartis four times in two days. It was a great joy also spending time sittin on pebbles or large stones in the river in Chamunda Devi temple.
After that we boarded another bus and left for Amritsar. My dearest and closest journalist friend Ravinder Singh Robin, Bureau Chief of Punjab who always travels with President and Prime Minister and Foreign Minister invited us to pay obeisance at Harmandar Saheb or, the Golden temple.
I agreed to take further obligation from him after having enjoyed free accomodation at his relative's hotel for two days in Chamunda Devi. Though i don't believe in free lunch as a principal but his affection had overwhelmed me. It was Atithi hotel, a three storey building and the second attractive place to stay in Chamunda Devi.
As i reached Amritsar, I had finished explaining Pratibha that we were actually going to visit Robin's residence, located in a remote area in border villages. I advised her not to let her veil or head covering beyond nose-tip, as it will like flouting typical Punjabi customs as maintained and valued by such families in villages. She was scared. I told her to avoid using Hindi or English, as the ladies at his home prefer and understand just Teth Punjabi, the hardcore Punjabi that is too difficult to understand by even Punjabis leave aside non-Punjabis. She turned nervous. I told her there was nothing to worrry about as she would be in Janankhana!! But what's that Sandeep,,,she asked me. I smiled and said it's nothing but a place in a house that is meant for woman only. And, there will be my friend's aged mother, Dadi, Nani and wife to converse with whole night! She turned pale. I said don't worry they will take care tht you have hand-held Pankhi and mosquitoes shouldn't touch you!! She was like.....Sandeep plsss after such a good stay why you are pushing me into all that....I said: Don't worry my dear.....it will be a distinct joy ....going to Jangal Pani.....with a lalten . But whyyyyyyyy.......sandeep....plss tell me ...why can't we skip all thisssss and go to home.....Pratibha asked me.....I said arreyy it's a courtesy to visit my affectionate friend after enjoying his hotel at Chamunda. She murmured something and just settled down in her seat, as i had just added telling ther that she would definitely be accompanied by any child or lady in the fields with lantern! And, it was obvious as it is being said that electricity is going to be available in there village in next five years!! She started sweating...after hearing to all this. She said ....Sandy yaaar....plssssssss....I said: "arrey madam don't worry....it's a joy of different sort and i want to be strong enough wife of a journalist who likes rural life!!!!!
Finally, we reached Amritsar bus stop. My friend Ravinder Singh informed that some close relative is hospitalised and he has to rush back to him. So , he advised me to just visit Darbar Saheb first and later he would catch both of us. He sent a car with a driver and two of his journalists to assist us. They collected our heavy bags to relieve us from its weight and we headed to Darbar Sahib. We were given VIP treatment. The car was parked where nobody's allowed. I was given Rumala and we entered. As usual, my camera's battery ditched at the first pic. One of the two journalists rushed back to car and brought two camera, as they had planned for us. We were clicked before Darbar Sahib and I was happy as it was my first combine click with her. I remained clicking stones, trees, rivers and her throughout the tour and just avoided clicking myself too.
So, my delight was obvious. We were introduced to the in-charge of entire arrangement at Golden temple and later escorted inside the magnificent Golden Temple's sanctum sanctorum. Both of our two new journalist friends were ensuring that we should cover Darshan and due meet with Ravinder Singh within our one-and-a-half hour's time available at our disposal in Amritsar. One of the two journos escorting us whispered something to one of the main Granthis inside the sanctum sanctorum. And, he presented Pratibha with the Saropa, a special religious gift from the temple body often given to VIPs. I felt blessed that my wife recieved it.
Ravinder called up and ensured that we get the best food for our back journey to home. I asked him to leave everything and just meet. He reserved lobby of a huge and captivating hotel for us. We reached there by the car along with the two journalists who assist Ravinder Singh. He was waiting there with his innocent Mrs. and a very handsome child. I termed him an NRI, as his father travels foreign almost every second month.
Well, the meet was actually a family meet and both of them were highly courteous. I wanted to show my wife how down to earth and affectionate my friend Robin Singh is despite his big profile in Punjab, not just in Amritsar. It was actually a great meeting, as she had an opportunity to meet my first friend outside Delhi.
He also arranged for our return journey by Volvo. Pratibha was delighted that she finally had her 'AC' bus at her serivce in her last leg of honeymoon. Ravinder Singh brought her another stylish and luxury vehicle and dropped us. Our luggage was brought in another car by the other two journalists. We had a good talk and our share of laughter with that loving couple and invited them to visit Delhi at the earliest.
Pratibha was so ecstatic after meeting both of them and the special arrangements that she requested me now to stay back at Amritsar for a day as being consistenly requested by Ravinder Singh and family !!!! I smiled and asked her to just remember Amritsar as her second in-laws' house where she would be visiting very soon whenever it's possible for a long stay.
Really, both of us returned, by everyone's blessings with a big cheer on our faces and delight inside our hearts.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
The Marriage....
To the world, it may have been just another marriage but for me it was one of the most unforgettable incidents of my life.
It was nothing less than a miracle for me that my marriage was solemnised without any single untoward or mood-spoiling scene. Not just me or my family, but the girl’s side was also very anxious about it. Both the families had valid reasons for keeping their fingers’ crossed.
The reason being that from day one when the proposal for my wedding was being considered, there were some unanswered questions, mainly in my brother and my mind.
Even as it was due to over cautious or may be cynical approach, the concerns were genuine. They included failure to find out any familiar relation or relative between the two families, the absence of father in any of our initial matrimonial meetings, the late revelation about the girl that she wears specs, and girl’s families’ probing approach.
The reason behind first concern was because both of the families belonged to one Mohyal community but, perhaps, they didn’t maintain good relations with the members of the community they belonged to.
It led to suspicion that the girl’s side might not be actually from Mohyal community. But very soon me and brother decided even if they weren’t we should meet their father.
The father’s presence was sought eagerly by me and my brother. I don’t know about brother’s reasons but I actually wanted to meet girl’s father before saying ‘yes’ to marry his daughter. My reason was purely a matter of giving him the actual respect and appearing before him as the candidate before getting accepted by anyone else.
My brother’s concern for specs looked a bit genuine, as it was revealed just a day before the ‘Rokka’, official confirmation of marriage. My brother was take a back, as he always viewed anyone wearing specs as having some major medical problem or defect in personality.
On the contrary, I was unusually cool about the matter. I conveyed it to him straightforwardly that specs was a non-issue for a person like me. I conveyed it to girl’s brother that I believed anyone wearing specs looks ‘intellectual’ and it usually adds to one’s personality than affecting it negatively. He was relieved by my prompt answer. But my brother’s suspicion deepened, as I informed him about this private intimation about specs from the girl’s side.
In our private talks, my brother informed that the main reason behind his all concerns was his own wife. He was duped about his looks, as when our family visited his in-laws to see the girl, she looked fair complexioned with no spots on the face. We were told that she was nervous and her complexion was affected since her father’s demise recently. We were fool enough to believe such a stupid reason. It was only later we noticed that half of her face was full of marks and BLACK. It looked as if it was burnt and thus turned black.
I noticed it only after many years. Otherwise, everyday she would come out only after applying foundation cream to cover her original complexion of the face.
Hence, his concern had genuine personal experience as the basis for being over cautious or cynical in every single thing being directly or indirectly ‘revealed’ to us.
The mention of ‘Car’ and the suggestion about the need to learn driving proved the last nail in the coffin. My mother-in-law advised me to learn driving as it could be useful when required. Even as the words meant nothing wrong but they meant for indicating that the girl’s side was considering to ‘gift’ that to us. I read it correctly as ‘DOWRY’, the very word I hated the most. I had mentioned it to the girl’s side on the very first day our meet that irrespective of when the relations gets finalised but ‘Dowry’ was highly objectionable to me.
The moment she left, my tone turned of a furious man insulted by someone. I have always felt irritated if someone tried to unnecessarily oblige me and that too without asking. Innocently, my mother-in-law had done that mistake. I took it very objectionably as if someone tried to ‘gift’ me something which was considered ‘unaffordable’ by others for me.
I being a person who always felt very hesitant even to accept small gifts from my own sister, found it disturbing. It felt like someone was trying to please me or win me with such a ‘gift’ (read dowry).
We objected it as a unit and made it a serious objection. It was decided to call off the marriage proposal as the boy (me) had found it an insult.
A few days later when the girl’s side approached us, the brother lambasted the very person who called. He went berserk and callous in conveying the family’s mood. But little did he realise that there is always a proper was of communicating such things to any lady.
I realised it at night when the girl’s elder brother called me. I found it shocking that such a matter was conveyed by my brother to girl’s mother. I was terrified, as our family knew he is the worst communicator of our family. It was scary to imagine how much or what he would have spoken to the girl’s mother which made her weep over phone. The girl’s brother informed me about all that. He said his mother was in tears and her legs were shaking. The argument with him took a worse shape later.
All this made me apologise, as he could never tolerate a lady, that too elderly, being talked to in rough tone. I was apologetic by heart.
I said we didn’t mean it and the brother shouldn’t have been the main communicator or spokesperson from our side. I assured by sister’s husband (Dinesh) would talk to them now onwards. They felt happy with it that there would be another communicator.
Since then the girl’s brother was irritated with my brother’s repeated claim stating that he was a businessman and thus didn’t need to think too much about anything (expenditure for the function). Such a repeated claim made the girl’s side feel that it was actually being said to make fun of their financial capability.
And, one day while reacting about my brother’s tone and way of talking with the girl’s side, the girl’s brother told my Jijaji that “ Agar itne hi bade businessman hain Datta sahab, to kam se kam apna ghar to repair karwa liya hota. Sab jagah se to wo toota-phoota para hai, itna hi hai to pehle Ghar to thik kara lein.”
I was informed about it with hesitation by my sister. It was informed in response to my question about a surprise meet by my prospective wife in a Mall. I returned from the meeting after convincing her that it was me who dictated terms at home instead of my elder brother in my personal life. But I turned curious to know after all why such a ‘meet’ was called for at the first instance.
Hence, my sister felt it appropriate to intimate me what occurred between her husband and my prospective brother-in-law over phone. I turned flabberghasted at the revelation. I asked her to call it off immmediateelllyy without any ifs or buts.
I was assured of it for the time being. Then came Holi. I was again asked by my close friends’ wives about my marriage. I told them that a very good proposal had be called off due to ‘Dowry’. They were shocked to learn about it. I told them that there was no issue regarding me or the girl but our families. They laughed and felt sad for me.
My Holi had no joy, as I avoided mingling too much due to my saddened state of mind. I kept clicking their pics to keep myself busy and record the annual event for the first time.
After Holi, I was approached by my family members. I was told girl’s side’s context of stating such things. I was told not to miss this proposal just like that as the girl had 100 per cent approval of each member of our family.
To the world, it may have been just another marriage but for me it was one of the most unforgettable incidents of my life.
It was nothing less than a miracle for me that my marriage was solemnised without any single untoward or mood-spoiling scene. Not just me or my family, but the girl’s side was also very anxious about it. Both the families had valid reasons for keeping their fingers’ crossed.
The reason being that from day one when the proposal for my wedding was being considered, there were some unanswered questions, mainly in my brother and my mind.
Even as it was due to over cautious or may be cynical approach, the concerns were genuine. They included failure to find out any familiar relation or relative between the two families, the absence of father in any of our initial matrimonial meetings, the late revelation about the girl that she wears specs, and girl’s families’ probing approach.
The reason behind first concern was because both of the families belonged to one Mohyal community but, perhaps, they didn’t maintain good relations with the members of the community they belonged to.
It led to suspicion that the girl’s side might not be actually from Mohyal community. But very soon me and brother decided even if they weren’t we should meet their father.
The father’s presence was sought eagerly by me and my brother. I don’t know about brother’s reasons but I actually wanted to meet girl’s father before saying ‘yes’ to marry his daughter. My reason was purely a matter of giving him the actual respect and appearing before him as the candidate before getting accepted by anyone else.
My brother’s concern for specs looked a bit genuine, as it was revealed just a day before the ‘Rokka’, official confirmation of marriage. My brother was take a back, as he always viewed anyone wearing specs as having some major medical problem or defect in personality.
On the contrary, I was unusually cool about the matter. I conveyed it to him straightforwardly that specs was a non-issue for a person like me. I conveyed it to girl’s brother that I believed anyone wearing specs looks ‘intellectual’ and it usually adds to one’s personality than affecting it negatively. He was relieved by my prompt answer. But my brother’s suspicion deepened, as I informed him about this private intimation about specs from the girl’s side.
In our private talks, my brother informed that the main reason behind his all concerns was his own wife. He was duped about his looks, as when our family visited his in-laws to see the girl, she looked fair complexioned with no spots on the face. We were told that she was nervous and her complexion was affected since her father’s demise recently. We were fool enough to believe such a stupid reason. It was only later we noticed that half of her face was full of marks and BLACK. It looked as if it was burnt and thus turned black.
I noticed it only after many years. Otherwise, everyday she would come out only after applying foundation cream to cover her original complexion of the face.
Hence, his concern had genuine personal experience as the basis for being over cautious or cynical in every single thing being directly or indirectly ‘revealed’ to us.
The mention of ‘Car’ and the suggestion about the need to learn driving proved the last nail in the coffin. My mother-in-law advised me to learn driving as it could be useful when required. Even as the words meant nothing wrong but they meant for indicating that the girl’s side was considering to ‘gift’ that to us. I read it correctly as ‘DOWRY’, the very word I hated the most. I had mentioned it to the girl’s side on the very first day our meet that irrespective of when the relations gets finalised but ‘Dowry’ was highly objectionable to me.
The moment she left, my tone turned of a furious man insulted by someone. I have always felt irritated if someone tried to unnecessarily oblige me and that too without asking. Innocently, my mother-in-law had done that mistake. I took it very objectionably as if someone tried to ‘gift’ me something which was considered ‘unaffordable’ by others for me.
I being a person who always felt very hesitant even to accept small gifts from my own sister, found it disturbing. It felt like someone was trying to please me or win me with such a ‘gift’ (read dowry).
We objected it as a unit and made it a serious objection. It was decided to call off the marriage proposal as the boy (me) had found it an insult.
A few days later when the girl’s side approached us, the brother lambasted the very person who called. He went berserk and callous in conveying the family’s mood. But little did he realise that there is always a proper was of communicating such things to any lady.
I realised it at night when the girl’s elder brother called me. I found it shocking that such a matter was conveyed by my brother to girl’s mother. I was terrified, as our family knew he is the worst communicator of our family. It was scary to imagine how much or what he would have spoken to the girl’s mother which made her weep over phone. The girl’s brother informed me about all that. He said his mother was in tears and her legs were shaking. The argument with him took a worse shape later.
All this made me apologise, as he could never tolerate a lady, that too elderly, being talked to in rough tone. I was apologetic by heart.
I said we didn’t mean it and the brother shouldn’t have been the main communicator or spokesperson from our side. I assured by sister’s husband (Dinesh) would talk to them now onwards. They felt happy with it that there would be another communicator.
Since then the girl’s brother was irritated with my brother’s repeated claim stating that he was a businessman and thus didn’t need to think too much about anything (expenditure for the function). Such a repeated claim made the girl’s side feel that it was actually being said to make fun of their financial capability.
And, one day while reacting about my brother’s tone and way of talking with the girl’s side, the girl’s brother told my Jijaji that “ Agar itne hi bade businessman hain Datta sahab, to kam se kam apna ghar to repair karwa liya hota. Sab jagah se to wo toota-phoota para hai, itna hi hai to pehle Ghar to thik kara lein.”
I was informed about it with hesitation by my sister. It was informed in response to my question about a surprise meet by my prospective wife in a Mall. I returned from the meeting after convincing her that it was me who dictated terms at home instead of my elder brother in my personal life. But I turned curious to know after all why such a ‘meet’ was called for at the first instance.
Hence, my sister felt it appropriate to intimate me what occurred between her husband and my prospective brother-in-law over phone. I turned flabberghasted at the revelation. I asked her to call it off immmediateelllyy without any ifs or buts.
I was assured of it for the time being. Then came Holi. I was again asked by my close friends’ wives about my marriage. I told them that a very good proposal had be called off due to ‘Dowry’. They were shocked to learn about it. I told them that there was no issue regarding me or the girl but our families. They laughed and felt sad for me.
My Holi had no joy, as I avoided mingling too much due to my saddened state of mind. I kept clicking their pics to keep myself busy and record the annual event for the first time.
After Holi, I was approached by my family members. I was told girl’s side’s context of stating such things. I was told not to miss this proposal just like that as the girl had 100 per cent approval of each member of our family.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Finally, I am married...
Thank God, I am married. I say this becasue considering the kind of pulls and pressure existed ahead of this wedding are too much to be explained accurately.
There were constraints of money, time, and dirty moves of my elder brother.
Despite my best possible efforts to keep the expenses within my budget, they exceeded. The last three days just ahead of my wedding day were actually very very hectic. The biggest disappointment was not being able to properly invite all of my loved ones the way I wished to.
Thank God, I am married. I say this becasue considering the kind of pulls and pressure existed ahead of this wedding are too much to be explained accurately.
There were constraints of money, time, and dirty moves of my elder brother.
Despite my best possible efforts to keep the expenses within my budget, they exceeded. The last three days just ahead of my wedding day were actually very very hectic. The biggest disappointment was not being able to properly invite all of my loved ones the way I wished to.
Monday, June 7, 2010
It's June 7; thirteen days left for my Sagan and 21 days to the wedding.
While talking to my fiancee yesterday night I felt a bit disturbed perhaps for the first time due to her. She wanted to make a few things clear and be clear about a few things she has been able to understand.
The main thing was her being in job after marriage. I told her it's necessary. But she wanted to be sure if she would have to work despite pregnancy. Well, it was a bit too advance to think of it even before getting engaged. But I preferred being as realistic as i could. I told her it's not about being compelled to visit office in such a condition rather about keeping my mind clear that she will hve be get back to job after child birth as and when possible.
I told her it gets easy when you have persons at home to take care of child. Like,in our case, it's my mother. And, the job was needed to prevent her become a typical housewife, too much into others' news and less interested in the world her husband lives in.
I told her I hate talking on such topics and that's why never talk to family members until necessary. I have chosen her , an MBA by education girl, not to make her a typical Aunty by mind or talks. I told her my society belongs to the educated and the constructive minds instead of behejis and she would find her recogntion as someone into some constructive work. She said she 'understands' it's necessary for financial help and to be able to introduce her in my society.
I contracted her by saying no matter whether she was working or not or intelligent or not....she will be introduced by me and accepted by my friends or society with equal grace as my life partner. The job is required to keep her mind occupied with sth. constructive.
She is showing hesitation like a kid and acting as an school girl who wants to attend the school but want to confirm before joining it that she will neither be made to do homework (read household work) nor she will be objected to live as per the school's rules and regulations (read the new home's living style).
It is interesting that she has been reared under a mother who reprimands her and seeks explanation every now and then but still she expects maximum freedom at the new form. It looks she wants to have her way and that's why making many a things clear to me one by one at a time when i am in romantic mood.
Well, maybe she has found me a bit too easy to overwhelm.
I know it would have to her as a major disappointment when I said that I hoped she has heard workd partiachal way of life. I told her why I am talking to men , no woman is allowed to interfere in any way, just like I don't interfere in ladies' work.
She told me she never thought she would be in a joint family. I felt a little awkward but i smiled at her stupidity in saying so in front of a person who cannot digest the idea of living away from loved ones. By saying so , she showed she is just another average girl who doesn't wish to cherish living in family but an alienated life.
Frankly writing, I felt i am witnessing a hidden girl with her innermost scary wishes coming out one by one. Perhaps, she wanted a person who will fall in love with her and start obeying her out of love. It feels bad but I hope she will soon get the message this man is actually MAN enough to handle a girl and make her lead a responsible life instead of enjoy an everlasting honeymoon.
While talking to my fiancee yesterday night I felt a bit disturbed perhaps for the first time due to her. She wanted to make a few things clear and be clear about a few things she has been able to understand.
The main thing was her being in job after marriage. I told her it's necessary. But she wanted to be sure if she would have to work despite pregnancy. Well, it was a bit too advance to think of it even before getting engaged. But I preferred being as realistic as i could. I told her it's not about being compelled to visit office in such a condition rather about keeping my mind clear that she will hve be get back to job after child birth as and when possible.
I told her it gets easy when you have persons at home to take care of child. Like,in our case, it's my mother. And, the job was needed to prevent her become a typical housewife, too much into others' news and less interested in the world her husband lives in.
I told her I hate talking on such topics and that's why never talk to family members until necessary. I have chosen her , an MBA by education girl, not to make her a typical Aunty by mind or talks. I told her my society belongs to the educated and the constructive minds instead of behejis and she would find her recogntion as someone into some constructive work. She said she 'understands' it's necessary for financial help and to be able to introduce her in my society.
I contracted her by saying no matter whether she was working or not or intelligent or not....she will be introduced by me and accepted by my friends or society with equal grace as my life partner. The job is required to keep her mind occupied with sth. constructive.
She is showing hesitation like a kid and acting as an school girl who wants to attend the school but want to confirm before joining it that she will neither be made to do homework (read household work) nor she will be objected to live as per the school's rules and regulations (read the new home's living style).
It is interesting that she has been reared under a mother who reprimands her and seeks explanation every now and then but still she expects maximum freedom at the new form. It looks she wants to have her way and that's why making many a things clear to me one by one at a time when i am in romantic mood.
Well, maybe she has found me a bit too easy to overwhelm.
I know it would have to her as a major disappointment when I said that I hoped she has heard workd partiachal way of life. I told her why I am talking to men , no woman is allowed to interfere in any way, just like I don't interfere in ladies' work.
She told me she never thought she would be in a joint family. I felt a little awkward but i smiled at her stupidity in saying so in front of a person who cannot digest the idea of living away from loved ones. By saying so , she showed she is just another average girl who doesn't wish to cherish living in family but an alienated life.
Frankly writing, I felt i am witnessing a hidden girl with her innermost scary wishes coming out one by one. Perhaps, she wanted a person who will fall in love with her and start obeying her out of love. It feels bad but I hope she will soon get the message this man is actually MAN enough to handle a girl and make her lead a responsible life instead of enjoy an everlasting honeymoon.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Dowry--a big dilemma
The subject of dowry is turning out to be quite strange for me. As the wedding-day has been decided for June 28, 2010, the preparations are on and so is everyone's pressure on me.
Beyond preparations, a big and interesting strange has arisen. Almost all are concerned and want to know about my opinion on one thing---DOWRY.
It has turned a major problem, as I have also been an anti-dowry person and this time it's my turn to set an example. But I am feeling being trapped or pushed into the line of dowry-seekers.
Strangely, the pressure is from girl's side to convince me to accept it with grace.
I don't know why but pressure is mounting on me. I am surprised about not just my family but by her family too. They want to increase the list of 'gifts' for marriage. Being an anti-dowry person by heart and spirit, I have always been dead against it.
Even the initial talks for Rokka (confirmation of marriage) were postponed and brought to the brink of 'NO' by me, as they girl's mother indicated that they may gift a car on wedding.
I strongly objected it and felt a big insult and mockery of my resolution to have a non-dowry marriage.
The girl's mother went into depression for seven days on learning about my decision to even consider the proposal of marriage to her daughter as null and void. She was shocked and fell ill after I made it a serious issue saying how could they even offer me such a thing, when I told them on very first day that i am anti-dowry.
She apologised later and I accepted it and went ahead to marry her daughter after making it clear that I mean something when I say "NO" to dowry.
But I think there is no respite from that for me. Once again, just two months ahead of the marriage they are now influencing my mind indirectly to accept dowry's gifts.
The girl has secretly told me about some of the prominent (read expensive) items of the 'gifts' (read dowry). And, I have made her my secret representative to keep deleting items from that list without letting them know that it's my wish. She has promised me for that.
The influence to keep mum on the issue of accepting gifts by girl's side's choic is being created through my relatives. Somebody is suggesting it's nothing but gifts meant for their own daughter. Somebody says it is a part of ritual and should be accepted as a norm. I am being told not to feel guilty in any way as there is no demand being made from us for any item. Instead, it is the girl's side who are giving it to their daughter for her comfort.
Today, my most respected cousion-cum-mentor Billey Bhapaji called me at his home and convinced me to not to make it an issue . I promised him I wouldn't create any public scene, as is being percieved or feared by girl's side.
My sister and jiaji held a meet with me two hours later on the same issue. I was told to avoid any such resistance. It was told that i should view the gifts as necessary things meant to replace the already for the sake of welcoming new waves in home.
When I said I am also old and deserves to be replaced with new in that case, they laughed away.
Anyways, I am very very disturbed mentally as I am finding it highly uncomfortalbe and almost like ............don't know what.....to accept anything as dowry under the garb of gift.
It's said don't take dowry. I say: "Do they allow us not to take it?"
The subject of dowry is turning out to be quite strange for me. As the wedding-day has been decided for June 28, 2010, the preparations are on and so is everyone's pressure on me.
Beyond preparations, a big and interesting strange has arisen. Almost all are concerned and want to know about my opinion on one thing---DOWRY.
It has turned a major problem, as I have also been an anti-dowry person and this time it's my turn to set an example. But I am feeling being trapped or pushed into the line of dowry-seekers.
Strangely, the pressure is from girl's side to convince me to accept it with grace.
I don't know why but pressure is mounting on me. I am surprised about not just my family but by her family too. They want to increase the list of 'gifts' for marriage. Being an anti-dowry person by heart and spirit, I have always been dead against it.
Even the initial talks for Rokka (confirmation of marriage) were postponed and brought to the brink of 'NO' by me, as they girl's mother indicated that they may gift a car on wedding.
I strongly objected it and felt a big insult and mockery of my resolution to have a non-dowry marriage.
The girl's mother went into depression for seven days on learning about my decision to even consider the proposal of marriage to her daughter as null and void. She was shocked and fell ill after I made it a serious issue saying how could they even offer me such a thing, when I told them on very first day that i am anti-dowry.
She apologised later and I accepted it and went ahead to marry her daughter after making it clear that I mean something when I say "NO" to dowry.
But I think there is no respite from that for me. Once again, just two months ahead of the marriage they are now influencing my mind indirectly to accept dowry's gifts.
The girl has secretly told me about some of the prominent (read expensive) items of the 'gifts' (read dowry). And, I have made her my secret representative to keep deleting items from that list without letting them know that it's my wish. She has promised me for that.
The influence to keep mum on the issue of accepting gifts by girl's side's choic is being created through my relatives. Somebody is suggesting it's nothing but gifts meant for their own daughter. Somebody says it is a part of ritual and should be accepted as a norm. I am being told not to feel guilty in any way as there is no demand being made from us for any item. Instead, it is the girl's side who are giving it to their daughter for her comfort.
Today, my most respected cousion-cum-mentor Billey Bhapaji called me at his home and convinced me to not to make it an issue . I promised him I wouldn't create any public scene, as is being percieved or feared by girl's side.
My sister and jiaji held a meet with me two hours later on the same issue. I was told to avoid any such resistance. It was told that i should view the gifts as necessary things meant to replace the already for the sake of welcoming new waves in home.
When I said I am also old and deserves to be replaced with new in that case, they laughed away.
Anyways, I am very very disturbed mentally as I am finding it highly uncomfortalbe and almost like ............don't know what.....to accept anything as dowry under the garb of gift.
It's said don't take dowry. I say: "Do they allow us not to take it?"
Latta and jijaji held a meet with me at Sangam to discuss wedding preparations.
My mind is totally engrossed in that......don't know what's happeing and how it will happen...Bhaiya is conveying his hesitation to even participate in marriage or any single preparation.
The problems are aggravating at home.
My mind is totally engrossed in that......don't know what's happeing and how it will happen...Bhaiya is conveying his hesitation to even participate in marriage or any single preparation.
The problems are aggravating at home.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
April 3.....My first official day of courtship....
Yes...I liked her.....toooooooooooooo muchhhhh, as she did feel a girl who is actually happy being with me forever...I actually felt loved....and liked so deeply with complete faith and respect. O Lord, please...make me capable enough to keep her happy always!
March 21, 2010
It’s March and I am preparing for the marriage. Before preparations in actual action the mental exercise has begun. The planning is most important. And, I am just putting main things to do on piece of paper. The rest will be sub-plans.
My role is obviously not of any price but of an executive who will plan, execute and also organize things. However, handling individuals and their oversensitivities could be a big challenge me.
Lord Krishna, please give me courage.
Today, it was an irritating start of the day. I was irritated to notice there wasn’t any Baniyan for me. Ahead of the girl’s side we put things in a disorganized way and thus everything was put wherever someone wanted. The result is I am finding it hard to locate my belonging which I did keep at some place.
We were supposed to visit Mamaji. I brought sweets box. But all in vain. I reached home and turned irritated over Baniyan. I just denied to go to Mamaji’s house in that mood. Brother also denied taking Mumma there without me. He said if Sandeep is busy so was he. The visit was cancelled for the day. Perhaps, till we recover from our mood.
March 2, 2010
The Ungrateful
The partition of Hindustan into India and Pakistan in 1947 was such a tragic incident that even after over six decades its pain is felt in various Mushaiyaras, Kavi Sammelans and occasional meetings of people from both sides of the border.
The exodus of people to either side of the border was biggest ever recorded in history books. Millions of people migrated to India from that side to live through Punjab borders. A section of these people were Punjabi families, which suffered attacks by their long time friends, neighbours, and well-wishers as part of mob violence.
These Punjabis somehow managed to reach to Indian side leaving behind their ancestral properties. Many of these people develop goose bums on their body if they were to recall those terrible days of migration, the consistent fear of being slaughtered or looted or even physically molested. It is said that so many women preferred diving into the wells while running for security from a chasing mad-mob that also included blood thirsty and savage individuals who would rape any woman or teenaged girls they could catch hold of before killing.
The lucky ones who could reach the Indian borders were offered shelter in the refugee camps, especially set up for their help. But due to limited resources the government wasn’t in a condition to arrange for their two square meal, clothes to wear or other basic amenities. Jansangh or the present-day Rashtriya Swayamsewak Sangh, a Hindu cultural organistion, came forward to be of help to these refugee families in such a desperate time. The women, the children, the elderly and the injured all were helpless and wanted help to survive. And, at this moment, the RSS volunteers served them with a dedicated spirit and enable them to carry on without fear.
Children of those families are not aged and still recall the timely help they received from the RSS.
However, it can shock anyone having even slight awareness of those desperate days of Partition and families’ plight if he or she comes across children of those families describing RSS as a fundamentalist or Hindu militant group. These modern-day children of those refugee families’ sole purpose is nothing but to disturb communal harmony in India. The political wing of RSS is today known as Bharatiya Janata Party and religious wing as the Vishwa Hindu Parishad. These two dominant wings are dedicated to the cause of protecting the right to life and respect in their own country without being oppose to the same right available to member of non-Hindu communities in the country.
Feb.8, 2010
Dixit sahab told me today that I am perceived as a Ghost Writer for Ravinder Singh Robin. I was surprise why he has chosen to describe me like that. I asked D, what is the reason for it when the person, who is working as reporter with ANI, has been connected by the company itself. Being the in-charge for Punjab stories, he automatically send his stories to me and I have to present it properly. I told hem there is nothing to such a good relation and just because I choose to converse in the language he finds convenient. D himself said Rao sahab must have also thought about just like he converses in Kannada language with persons of his state, it shouldn’t be unusual to find you conversing in Punjabi with Robin and also misconstrue it anything beyond convenience. But I take it Ghost Write remark as a compliment that at least I could be something for something, even if I am not.
I believe to reduce…..
Spelling mistakes…we should write often enough and read a little but with complete focus on words. It is useful to study easiest and well-written pieces everyday for a few days to remind ourselves of familiar words, their usage and spellings.
For spoken….we must listen to quality speakers and also read with deep involvement, as if we want to listen to words being pronounced in our mind while reading it out. It’s always helpful to read out anything on computer as if we are trying to narrate it to a child in front of us. It helps in developing or improving our narrative style and smoothens our tongue, the most important factor for avoiding hiccups while using a language or new or big words.
For writing…..we must, must read easiest possible write ups i.e. letters to the editor of The Hindu or daily reports of the same newspaper. TOI also serves quality language.
Feb.7, 2010
Is seeking a traffic sergeant’s identity card a crime?
On Feb.7, in a rush to reach my office, I jumped a traffic signal at Jhandewalan roundabout, as it was empty road and no vehicle in side from even very far off. I opted to join other vehicles standing there and waiting for the other side of the traffic to clear. A traffic sergeant came and asked why did I cross the road on Red signal. Without argument I accepted I did a mistake. He asked me to park the vehicle and started asking for my documents. I produced duplicate of my original license. He rejected it. I accepted and stated it was because I have suffered theft of papers so I usually carry that copy and keep the original at home. He asked for my Registration Copy (R.C.). I produced it. It was okay. Then he asked for my insurance document. I said I wasn’t carrying it but could produce it right away from home.
But Jai Singh, the sergeant, simply refused to wait for it saying he won’t like waiting for me in the meanwhile I go and return from home. Sensing he is getting after my skin for basically a minor offence of red light jumping, I said I was ready to pay for the offence. But he disagreed to accept that. He said I should pay it in court instead. I asked him, when I am ready to pay here why should I go there? Besides, I was getting late. But he remained adamant and kept writing for about 10 minutes. I asked him why was he not allowing me to pay at the place of incident itself. He said: “NO”.
I asked him to show me his I-card first before I handover my all documents in his custody. He took out a card for a glimpse and just put it back without letting me even read the name or see the photo in it? He felt agitated on it and said now I will show you what it means to ask for an identity card of a traffic policeman. He again started writing. When I asked what he was actually writing now, he said that it was that I misbehaved with him. I was shocked. I asked him but what was exactly that I commit to make him so furious? He said “nothing”. But as another sergeant arrived at the spot, he said this guy asked wanted to see my I-card and hence I am showing him what can I do. I was surprised on this revelation. It was happening just because I asked for his I-card? I was surprised and said but that is what anyone should do before handing over documents.
He said that’s what you are witnessing. He kept on writing. And, asked for my office card, as PRESS was written on the motorbike. I said I am a journalist that’s why I have written that for night shifts. He asked for my office I-card to identify me. I game him that. He called my office. I asked why? He said to complain about my misbehaviour. But for what? I asked. He said because you have misbehaved and not signing the challan without reading it. I was shocked what was he upto?
Feb.3, 2010
The smile, the taunts, the show off Bihari dom existing in office or around is becoming a constant irritant. I feel ashamed of the Dilliwalas who are not understanding their place, position and respect is being captured by these strange Biharis. Though I have many good and respectful friends from Bihar, some of the Bihari guys are polluting the warm feeling I have always cherished while talking to them.
I wish maximum people understand that they need to be careful and be ready unitedly to take of their own space from Biharis.
Feb.1, 2010
Mukesh sir at Sopan shocked me with the present reality of Asian Age. He told me how Asian Age is being run in an unprofessional way, as the journalists working there are under intense pain to quit or compromise with personal dignity. The abuses, the reprimand with heavy pay packet is there for anyone to join or stay away for.
Jan.25, 2010
I am pained to find Dianne, a girl who does entertainment stories in Print Section, demanding a seat from Sreeraj, who does political stories, on the premise that that particular seat belonged to the Entertainment department. When I told her it was such a small thing and all seats basically belonged to the team of Print section that we work for, she refused to accept it.
She said: “Look at the audacity of Shreeraj, he asked me if I could sit elsewhere. I felt like slapping him.” The statement shocked me to think of the level the entire print section has reached. There was a time when we worked as a team. Today, there is such a feeling that we are two separate departments altogether.
She has always looked divisionary, I have noticed, and a bit too much on the face when it comes to “my” or “your” kind of situation. But it felt hurting today to see her speaking like that without hesitation for the mediocre way or embarrassment for her words. None of us ever uses such a blunt or disturbing statement but her attitude on such a subject felt shocking.
I believe two fellows—Chandrika Jain and Bhavana Shekhawat—sown the seeds from our section. And, Shilpa, who worked for marketing, and Pooja of entertainment section, in our same department, spoiled the loving and inspirational team spirit by their self-centred and unconcerned attitude towards others special occasions triggered that attitude in Bhavana, on several occasions. The celebration of individuals’ birthdays or farewells working in their section and never of persons working in our section, peeved a lot. Bhavna was the first person to point it out to me and I realized it then onwards. They have always given me so much respect at ANI.
But now I feel foolish to have felt all as a team. But having such a mindset of different departments is shocking. Nobody has noticed the growing distance among hearts in this section. I am utterly disappointed to notice such a development in attitudes.
Jan.24, 2010
12.50 p.m
I am shocked to notice the foreign delegates giving a thousand rupee note at R.K.Puram traffic signal despite being educated and informed.
Why do educated people give money to child beggars or sellers? Can't they understand they are promoting their exploitation?
9.00 p.m.
Mr.Dixit surprised me today by asking about my ailing mother’s health. I felt very nice about this courtesy. He told me that his Mrs. (Bhabhi ji) asked him why he hadn’t asked about my mother’s health condition till date for such a long time.
He also offered me that I could take time off whenever I needed to depending upon my mother’s need. He said, irrespective of others he would always be with me in such an hour.
I am actually surprised and conveyed my thanks and Namaskar to Bhabhi ji.
Yes...I liked her.....toooooooooooooo muchhhhh, as she did feel a girl who is actually happy being with me forever...I actually felt loved....and liked so deeply with complete faith and respect. O Lord, please...make me capable enough to keep her happy always!
March 21, 2010
It’s March and I am preparing for the marriage. Before preparations in actual action the mental exercise has begun. The planning is most important. And, I am just putting main things to do on piece of paper. The rest will be sub-plans.
My role is obviously not of any price but of an executive who will plan, execute and also organize things. However, handling individuals and their oversensitivities could be a big challenge me.
Lord Krishna, please give me courage.
Today, it was an irritating start of the day. I was irritated to notice there wasn’t any Baniyan for me. Ahead of the girl’s side we put things in a disorganized way and thus everything was put wherever someone wanted. The result is I am finding it hard to locate my belonging which I did keep at some place.
We were supposed to visit Mamaji. I brought sweets box. But all in vain. I reached home and turned irritated over Baniyan. I just denied to go to Mamaji’s house in that mood. Brother also denied taking Mumma there without me. He said if Sandeep is busy so was he. The visit was cancelled for the day. Perhaps, till we recover from our mood.
March 2, 2010
The Ungrateful
The partition of Hindustan into India and Pakistan in 1947 was such a tragic incident that even after over six decades its pain is felt in various Mushaiyaras, Kavi Sammelans and occasional meetings of people from both sides of the border.
The exodus of people to either side of the border was biggest ever recorded in history books. Millions of people migrated to India from that side to live through Punjab borders. A section of these people were Punjabi families, which suffered attacks by their long time friends, neighbours, and well-wishers as part of mob violence.
These Punjabis somehow managed to reach to Indian side leaving behind their ancestral properties. Many of these people develop goose bums on their body if they were to recall those terrible days of migration, the consistent fear of being slaughtered or looted or even physically molested. It is said that so many women preferred diving into the wells while running for security from a chasing mad-mob that also included blood thirsty and savage individuals who would rape any woman or teenaged girls they could catch hold of before killing.
The lucky ones who could reach the Indian borders were offered shelter in the refugee camps, especially set up for their help. But due to limited resources the government wasn’t in a condition to arrange for their two square meal, clothes to wear or other basic amenities. Jansangh or the present-day Rashtriya Swayamsewak Sangh, a Hindu cultural organistion, came forward to be of help to these refugee families in such a desperate time. The women, the children, the elderly and the injured all were helpless and wanted help to survive. And, at this moment, the RSS volunteers served them with a dedicated spirit and enable them to carry on without fear.
Children of those families are not aged and still recall the timely help they received from the RSS.
However, it can shock anyone having even slight awareness of those desperate days of Partition and families’ plight if he or she comes across children of those families describing RSS as a fundamentalist or Hindu militant group. These modern-day children of those refugee families’ sole purpose is nothing but to disturb communal harmony in India. The political wing of RSS is today known as Bharatiya Janata Party and religious wing as the Vishwa Hindu Parishad. These two dominant wings are dedicated to the cause of protecting the right to life and respect in their own country without being oppose to the same right available to member of non-Hindu communities in the country.
Feb.8, 2010
Dixit sahab told me today that I am perceived as a Ghost Writer for Ravinder Singh Robin. I was surprise why he has chosen to describe me like that. I asked D, what is the reason for it when the person, who is working as reporter with ANI, has been connected by the company itself. Being the in-charge for Punjab stories, he automatically send his stories to me and I have to present it properly. I told hem there is nothing to such a good relation and just because I choose to converse in the language he finds convenient. D himself said Rao sahab must have also thought about just like he converses in Kannada language with persons of his state, it shouldn’t be unusual to find you conversing in Punjabi with Robin and also misconstrue it anything beyond convenience. But I take it Ghost Write remark as a compliment that at least I could be something for something, even if I am not.
I believe to reduce…..
Spelling mistakes…we should write often enough and read a little but with complete focus on words. It is useful to study easiest and well-written pieces everyday for a few days to remind ourselves of familiar words, their usage and spellings.
For spoken….we must listen to quality speakers and also read with deep involvement, as if we want to listen to words being pronounced in our mind while reading it out. It’s always helpful to read out anything on computer as if we are trying to narrate it to a child in front of us. It helps in developing or improving our narrative style and smoothens our tongue, the most important factor for avoiding hiccups while using a language or new or big words.
For writing…..we must, must read easiest possible write ups i.e. letters to the editor of The Hindu or daily reports of the same newspaper. TOI also serves quality language.
Feb.7, 2010
Is seeking a traffic sergeant’s identity card a crime?
On Feb.7, in a rush to reach my office, I jumped a traffic signal at Jhandewalan roundabout, as it was empty road and no vehicle in side from even very far off. I opted to join other vehicles standing there and waiting for the other side of the traffic to clear. A traffic sergeant came and asked why did I cross the road on Red signal. Without argument I accepted I did a mistake. He asked me to park the vehicle and started asking for my documents. I produced duplicate of my original license. He rejected it. I accepted and stated it was because I have suffered theft of papers so I usually carry that copy and keep the original at home. He asked for my Registration Copy (R.C.). I produced it. It was okay. Then he asked for my insurance document. I said I wasn’t carrying it but could produce it right away from home.
But Jai Singh, the sergeant, simply refused to wait for it saying he won’t like waiting for me in the meanwhile I go and return from home. Sensing he is getting after my skin for basically a minor offence of red light jumping, I said I was ready to pay for the offence. But he disagreed to accept that. He said I should pay it in court instead. I asked him, when I am ready to pay here why should I go there? Besides, I was getting late. But he remained adamant and kept writing for about 10 minutes. I asked him why was he not allowing me to pay at the place of incident itself. He said: “NO”.
I asked him to show me his I-card first before I handover my all documents in his custody. He took out a card for a glimpse and just put it back without letting me even read the name or see the photo in it? He felt agitated on it and said now I will show you what it means to ask for an identity card of a traffic policeman. He again started writing. When I asked what he was actually writing now, he said that it was that I misbehaved with him. I was shocked. I asked him but what was exactly that I commit to make him so furious? He said “nothing”. But as another sergeant arrived at the spot, he said this guy asked wanted to see my I-card and hence I am showing him what can I do. I was surprised on this revelation. It was happening just because I asked for his I-card? I was surprised and said but that is what anyone should do before handing over documents.
He said that’s what you are witnessing. He kept on writing. And, asked for my office card, as PRESS was written on the motorbike. I said I am a journalist that’s why I have written that for night shifts. He asked for my office I-card to identify me. I game him that. He called my office. I asked why? He said to complain about my misbehaviour. But for what? I asked. He said because you have misbehaved and not signing the challan without reading it. I was shocked what was he upto?
Feb.3, 2010
The smile, the taunts, the show off Bihari dom existing in office or around is becoming a constant irritant. I feel ashamed of the Dilliwalas who are not understanding their place, position and respect is being captured by these strange Biharis. Though I have many good and respectful friends from Bihar, some of the Bihari guys are polluting the warm feeling I have always cherished while talking to them.
I wish maximum people understand that they need to be careful and be ready unitedly to take of their own space from Biharis.
Feb.1, 2010
Mukesh sir at Sopan shocked me with the present reality of Asian Age. He told me how Asian Age is being run in an unprofessional way, as the journalists working there are under intense pain to quit or compromise with personal dignity. The abuses, the reprimand with heavy pay packet is there for anyone to join or stay away for.
Jan.25, 2010
I am pained to find Dianne, a girl who does entertainment stories in Print Section, demanding a seat from Sreeraj, who does political stories, on the premise that that particular seat belonged to the Entertainment department. When I told her it was such a small thing and all seats basically belonged to the team of Print section that we work for, she refused to accept it.
She said: “Look at the audacity of Shreeraj, he asked me if I could sit elsewhere. I felt like slapping him.” The statement shocked me to think of the level the entire print section has reached. There was a time when we worked as a team. Today, there is such a feeling that we are two separate departments altogether.
She has always looked divisionary, I have noticed, and a bit too much on the face when it comes to “my” or “your” kind of situation. But it felt hurting today to see her speaking like that without hesitation for the mediocre way or embarrassment for her words. None of us ever uses such a blunt or disturbing statement but her attitude on such a subject felt shocking.
I believe two fellows—Chandrika Jain and Bhavana Shekhawat—sown the seeds from our section. And, Shilpa, who worked for marketing, and Pooja of entertainment section, in our same department, spoiled the loving and inspirational team spirit by their self-centred and unconcerned attitude towards others special occasions triggered that attitude in Bhavana, on several occasions. The celebration of individuals’ birthdays or farewells working in their section and never of persons working in our section, peeved a lot. Bhavna was the first person to point it out to me and I realized it then onwards. They have always given me so much respect at ANI.
But now I feel foolish to have felt all as a team. But having such a mindset of different departments is shocking. Nobody has noticed the growing distance among hearts in this section. I am utterly disappointed to notice such a development in attitudes.
Jan.24, 2010
12.50 p.m
I am shocked to notice the foreign delegates giving a thousand rupee note at R.K.Puram traffic signal despite being educated and informed.
Why do educated people give money to child beggars or sellers? Can't they understand they are promoting their exploitation?
9.00 p.m.
Mr.Dixit surprised me today by asking about my ailing mother’s health. I felt very nice about this courtesy. He told me that his Mrs. (Bhabhi ji) asked him why he hadn’t asked about my mother’s health condition till date for such a long time.
He also offered me that I could take time off whenever I needed to depending upon my mother’s need. He said, irrespective of others he would always be with me in such an hour.
I am actually surprised and conveyed my thanks and Namaskar to Bhabhi ji.
Monday, March 15, 2010
The Marriage
March 14, 2010
3.11 a.m.
I have heard people taking a lot of time before finalizing their life partner to be. I decided it in the first 15 minutes of coming across a girl that she was going to be my life partner. My decision was based on the first impression that she looks adjusting and understanding to my way of life and thinking, as briefly explained to her by me.
I didn’t give too much attention to her looks, as I wanted to select a nice person and not just a ‘charming’ girl which might prove good for nothing.
Our family’s approval for the girl took unusually long time. First it was ‘Pau’ month as per Hindu calendar which forbids people to get into relations or start off anything new, later it was both families’ over cautious approach which led to suspicious feelings.
The basic difference of opinion is based on the fact that ours is basically a business-oriented family and theirs is a service-oriented family. Hence, the approach to view things or deal with any matter or subject leads to confusion and clarities.
But everything zeroes-in at the kind of bonding or eagerness both of us—me and my prospective wife—would reflect to our families. It is required to handle both the families’ ego or sensitiveness.
The fact that both of us have felt comfortable in each other’s company whenever we could interact has humbled both sides and forced them to reconcile.
The process of marriage has commenced in very strange way with individuals from both sides behaving in a way which is viewed with raised eyebrows or cynicism.
In my family, my elder brother has proved himself funny by acting in a strange way unexpected of a 42 to 46 age group. He has always spoken out of turn, unnecessarily and ungracefully. That’s his limitations for not being exposed to present-day socializing system.
Though I am grateful to him for opening my eyes to see the hidden truth clearly on various occasions, I would still say he is just shocking to listen to or even watch behaving in any gathering. He needs to improve a lot more than rest of the family because the responsibility to come forward and also act as the eldest of our family is just missing in his conduct. I find the girl’s side generally tolerating him instead of cherishing his presence. He wants to sound intelligent, which he is, but like everyone he is yet to accept somewhere, rather on most of the occasions, he is looking a joker or socially less developed person.
Thankfully I have jijais and Billey Bhapaji as my family elders. The girl’s side finds conversing with them quite comfortable. It is just like when the eldest of a family is supposed to sit in front of the other family’s eldest or elderly persons, he is found doing or commenting stupidly like a primary school kid who is yet to learn how to socialize in a graceful manner. His over attempt to sound intelligent in all respects is proving too much to all, I believe.
Only jijais are emerging out to be quite mature on such a big occasion of my life. Bhaiya’s routine habits and loud-mouthness is hurting everyone besides sounding too embarrassing to bear at times.
I have been advised not to preach or quarrel with anyone or not even speak at high volume in angry mood lest it should hurt others and he or she moves away from the occasion.
Mumma being an ailing person is not in a position to discuss properly her youngest and perhaps favourite son’s marriage proposal. She speaks what she is asked to. Otherwise she is shouted at by me or my silly brother for saying or not saying what she shouldn’t or obviously should have state at any given moment.
The girl’s side looks completely naïve, as if they have just entered a society which abides some rituals and system of performing traditions. They seem as if all they know is how to stand suited-booted at any hotel or gathering and just talk pleasantries.
The main person for whom my internal respect evolves in natural way is their father. We have been told he is not keeping on well now a days since he came across some accident. He was an assistant Director in Ministry of Telecommunications. He loves reading and his favourite author being Agatha Christie. Since he was not introduced to us at the outset. We turned curious after all how could a family talk about a girl’s marriage proposal without her father being present.
The girl’s side, read brother, even said they were ready for the marriage after meeting their prospective son-in-law, which is me. Though anyone would have enjoyed that innocence or mature stance of judging a book by its cover, but it only added to my brother’s cynicism. He conveyed that as my well-wisher. I agreed to his logic and also got curious about the family’s secretness or over trusting approach.
We went to their home despite their initial reluctance. We were highly satisfied after meeting their father, who actually looked not being completely well. They tried to show us their newly built flat located at third floor. Everything looked new like a newly bride. But we were content to having taken our mother to their place and having personally invited the prospective daughter-in-law to her. For me, the purpose was achieved besides getting another opportunity to interact briefly with the girl.
Personally, I never wanted to accept any girl on earth as my life partner till my mother gave her consent on my choice. It was my way of according her the fullest respect which she deserves by the virtue of my mother, the one who produced me despite jeorparding her own life due to minimal hemoglobin of the blood. I was her sixth child. The one preceding me was also a boy but his head was undeveloped so it was compromised with at doctor’s suggestion at that time. So my birth brought a wave of cheer in my entire family including my eldest sister who was about 18 to 20 years senior to me.
So, in a way, sidelining or ignoring anyone’s respect is like doing a sin and causing an insult to their importance as my flesh and blood and affectionate persons of my life.
The girl’s family I believe is yet to learn about the meaning of dealing with such a big and involved family and also offering due respect to each one according to his or her place in the family. I find them a bit immature or not so much exposed to such niceties.
Their visit to our home proved disastrous. They appear hunting for something more bad than they know in that part of the house which has already been described as old and requiring renovation.
It seems they are trying to find out something very new or neat and clean in the oldest part of the big house. Ours is four times bigger than theirs but has just half of the kind of shine their recently bought flat at the third floor has.
But their inspection of our house and its every nook and corner has surpassed even Bhaiya’s awkward behaviour. It is happening so awkwardly as if they are a flying squad and trying to find out the hidden without ticket passenger or hidden smuggled material somewhere in our house. To me personally, it is the most disgusting part of their conduct which I am finding very very objectionable along with the girl’s mother’s attitude of offering unwanted suggestions.
On the very day of Rokka, the ceremony to officially confirm my marriage to their daughter on any auspicious day in near future, my prospective mother-in-law suggested me about which room should I develop as my bedroom and why I should rent a room or two of my house. They routine mention of my salary being very little (Rs. 18,500 + Rs. 1,000) feels like an insulting comment to me. I am very surprised to think that their daughter for whom they have chosen me is almost earning half of my salary, is not even a proper professional, not even thoroughly well-read or educated. Still, they have the audacity to keep mention my salary being so little at every occasion.
I feel like giving them my piece of mind by showing them a mirror in my sarcastic narrative version. But it is just the respect for their age and now the relation and the fascination of having that seemingly nice girl-at-heart in my life along with decency of any educated person which prevents me from acting myself just like I can but I am avoiding.
Though it feels awkward but both the families appear to be compromising and ignoring small things or issues just because the centre of both families---the girl and the boy—have expressed their strong willingness to marry each other.
I am very nervous about what will happen in future. May God bless both the families maturity and sense of forming good relations.
They didn’t e
March 14, 2010
3.11 a.m.
I have heard people taking a lot of time before finalizing their life partner to be. I decided it in the first 15 minutes of coming across a girl that she was going to be my life partner. My decision was based on the first impression that she looks adjusting and understanding to my way of life and thinking, as briefly explained to her by me.
I didn’t give too much attention to her looks, as I wanted to select a nice person and not just a ‘charming’ girl which might prove good for nothing.
Our family’s approval for the girl took unusually long time. First it was ‘Pau’ month as per Hindu calendar which forbids people to get into relations or start off anything new, later it was both families’ over cautious approach which led to suspicious feelings.
The basic difference of opinion is based on the fact that ours is basically a business-oriented family and theirs is a service-oriented family. Hence, the approach to view things or deal with any matter or subject leads to confusion and clarities.
But everything zeroes-in at the kind of bonding or eagerness both of us—me and my prospective wife—would reflect to our families. It is required to handle both the families’ ego or sensitiveness.
The fact that both of us have felt comfortable in each other’s company whenever we could interact has humbled both sides and forced them to reconcile.
The process of marriage has commenced in very strange way with individuals from both sides behaving in a way which is viewed with raised eyebrows or cynicism.
In my family, my elder brother has proved himself funny by acting in a strange way unexpected of a 42 to 46 age group. He has always spoken out of turn, unnecessarily and ungracefully. That’s his limitations for not being exposed to present-day socializing system.
Though I am grateful to him for opening my eyes to see the hidden truth clearly on various occasions, I would still say he is just shocking to listen to or even watch behaving in any gathering. He needs to improve a lot more than rest of the family because the responsibility to come forward and also act as the eldest of our family is just missing in his conduct. I find the girl’s side generally tolerating him instead of cherishing his presence. He wants to sound intelligent, which he is, but like everyone he is yet to accept somewhere, rather on most of the occasions, he is looking a joker or socially less developed person.
Thankfully I have jijais and Billey Bhapaji as my family elders. The girl’s side finds conversing with them quite comfortable. It is just like when the eldest of a family is supposed to sit in front of the other family’s eldest or elderly persons, he is found doing or commenting stupidly like a primary school kid who is yet to learn how to socialize in a graceful manner. His over attempt to sound intelligent in all respects is proving too much to all, I believe.
Only jijais are emerging out to be quite mature on such a big occasion of my life. Bhaiya’s routine habits and loud-mouthness is hurting everyone besides sounding too embarrassing to bear at times.
I have been advised not to preach or quarrel with anyone or not even speak at high volume in angry mood lest it should hurt others and he or she moves away from the occasion.
Mumma being an ailing person is not in a position to discuss properly her youngest and perhaps favourite son’s marriage proposal. She speaks what she is asked to. Otherwise she is shouted at by me or my silly brother for saying or not saying what she shouldn’t or obviously should have state at any given moment.
The girl’s side looks completely naïve, as if they have just entered a society which abides some rituals and system of performing traditions. They seem as if all they know is how to stand suited-booted at any hotel or gathering and just talk pleasantries.
The main person for whom my internal respect evolves in natural way is their father. We have been told he is not keeping on well now a days since he came across some accident. He was an assistant Director in Ministry of Telecommunications. He loves reading and his favourite author being Agatha Christie. Since he was not introduced to us at the outset. We turned curious after all how could a family talk about a girl’s marriage proposal without her father being present.
The girl’s side, read brother, even said they were ready for the marriage after meeting their prospective son-in-law, which is me. Though anyone would have enjoyed that innocence or mature stance of judging a book by its cover, but it only added to my brother’s cynicism. He conveyed that as my well-wisher. I agreed to his logic and also got curious about the family’s secretness or over trusting approach.
We went to their home despite their initial reluctance. We were highly satisfied after meeting their father, who actually looked not being completely well. They tried to show us their newly built flat located at third floor. Everything looked new like a newly bride. But we were content to having taken our mother to their place and having personally invited the prospective daughter-in-law to her. For me, the purpose was achieved besides getting another opportunity to interact briefly with the girl.
Personally, I never wanted to accept any girl on earth as my life partner till my mother gave her consent on my choice. It was my way of according her the fullest respect which she deserves by the virtue of my mother, the one who produced me despite jeorparding her own life due to minimal hemoglobin of the blood. I was her sixth child. The one preceding me was also a boy but his head was undeveloped so it was compromised with at doctor’s suggestion at that time. So my birth brought a wave of cheer in my entire family including my eldest sister who was about 18 to 20 years senior to me.
So, in a way, sidelining or ignoring anyone’s respect is like doing a sin and causing an insult to their importance as my flesh and blood and affectionate persons of my life.
The girl’s family I believe is yet to learn about the meaning of dealing with such a big and involved family and also offering due respect to each one according to his or her place in the family. I find them a bit immature or not so much exposed to such niceties.
Their visit to our home proved disastrous. They appear hunting for something more bad than they know in that part of the house which has already been described as old and requiring renovation.
It seems they are trying to find out something very new or neat and clean in the oldest part of the big house. Ours is four times bigger than theirs but has just half of the kind of shine their recently bought flat at the third floor has.
But their inspection of our house and its every nook and corner has surpassed even Bhaiya’s awkward behaviour. It is happening so awkwardly as if they are a flying squad and trying to find out the hidden without ticket passenger or hidden smuggled material somewhere in our house. To me personally, it is the most disgusting part of their conduct which I am finding very very objectionable along with the girl’s mother’s attitude of offering unwanted suggestions.
On the very day of Rokka, the ceremony to officially confirm my marriage to their daughter on any auspicious day in near future, my prospective mother-in-law suggested me about which room should I develop as my bedroom and why I should rent a room or two of my house. They routine mention of my salary being very little (Rs. 18,500 + Rs. 1,000) feels like an insulting comment to me. I am very surprised to think that their daughter for whom they have chosen me is almost earning half of my salary, is not even a proper professional, not even thoroughly well-read or educated. Still, they have the audacity to keep mention my salary being so little at every occasion.
I feel like giving them my piece of mind by showing them a mirror in my sarcastic narrative version. But it is just the respect for their age and now the relation and the fascination of having that seemingly nice girl-at-heart in my life along with decency of any educated person which prevents me from acting myself just like I can but I am avoiding.
Though it feels awkward but both the families appear to be compromising and ignoring small things or issues just because the centre of both families---the girl and the boy—have expressed their strong willingness to marry each other.
I am very nervous about what will happen in future. May God bless both the families maturity and sense of forming good relations.
They didn’t e
Friday, January 22, 2010
Jan.23, 2010
Lakshmi called up today. She was in pain, perhaps deep agony than just pain. She was missing her father. The very thought that he is not there is anymore is overwhelming her off and on. Perhaps, the father’s sweet memories keep returning to his beloved daughter. She was quite close to him. Especially, in his last days when he was hospitalized, she was restless. She was in deep pain. The irony was she cannot speak her heart out to anyone, as it would only aggravate her inner suffering. Watching her father awaiting his last moment of life, felt too much to her. May God gives her strength to overcome this unbearable condition.
Jan.19, 2010
I have felt guilty for not being available when it mattered the most on three occasion in last two months. Two of the occasions were the most regretful incidents of my life, as they belonged to two closest friends. One of them lost her father and the other, her mother. I express my condolences from the depth of my heart. I felt ashamed of not being of any worth or use for them when they should have someone trustable with them. I just could not be there with them due to responsibiilites at the workplace.
But it is also true that I genuinely wanted to be with them at any cost. But I couldn’t. The sorry is too little word to say anything about my guilty and moral and social crime.
One of them being Lakshmi, my closest friend and a supporter of the most difficult phase of life when I was in search of first job at any cost. She is my classmate and still a big mental support which helps me carry on in professional life with solace. Her beloved father had been suffering from cancer for a few months. She would tell me almost on routine basis how she was undergoing mental agony but could not share with mother. She wanted to avoid giving shock to her sensitive mother. The father and Lakshmi had promised each other not to let the mother learn of this disease. Both would keep mum and put up a smiling face till the last few weeks were left and doctors informed the days were numbered.
I admire the control of Lakshi and express utter sorrow that despite entire family’s best efforts, her beloved Daddy left for heavenly abode.
She wanted to handover ‘green grass’, as the father wanted to drink its juice. He was told by someone it helps dramatically in cancer. But the problem was that the special grass was available in Delhi only and father was hospitalized in Chennai. Despite best efforts to coordinate with each other , Lakshmi and me could not meet each other despite living in the same city. Whenever I would have time to meet her, she couldn’t and vice-versa.
Finally, she left for Chennai at the desperate call from her sister to be with her father for the last time.
For not being able to be of any use to her will remain lifetime guilt in my conscience.
The other girl is Gayatri, a former colleague at ANI. Though we never worked in one section, as she belonged to electronic media and me, print media, but our vibes made it sure that we were like-minded. I remember she even left her job at ANI for her mother’s health four years ago. She had tears in eyes and couldn’t control them on her last day at ANI, as she left for Kolkata to be with her ailing mother.
We met after four years on roadside. She had joined Live India channel. Both of us were thrilled to meet once again. We shared a good time talking like school kids reuniting after a long phase of life. But then we would talk over phone and share laughter. He mother had carried on with the disease all this years somehow. So I never doubted she would be visiting the hospital for the last time. Last October (2009), Gayatri told me he mother was again hospitalized. I thought it was routine.
Later she informed she was in ICCU. I felt worried for Aunty but avoided visiting her in hospital. She said the mother was recuperating gradually and been shifted to the ward. But she added that the mother was not keeping on well still. I didn’t feel the seriousness of the statement. I hoped she would be alright again and prayed in my heart for her earliest recovery. The office routine kept me heavily occupied in the meantime and I just couldn’t call Gayatri for a long time.
Once I called her up and she said she remains on night or day duty at hospital for her mother, as she required somebody to be with her. It worried me and I avoided calling her up lest I should disturb her at an odd hour of the day. She could be relaxing at home after the night duty or just been attending her darling mother by her bed side. I avoided calling, hence.
But one day, when I did to ask about aunty…I was shocked. Gayatri said: “Mummy to Guzar gayi”.
The answer left me inexplicable to utter any more word. I felt as if her whole world had come to an end. It was because I knew she valued her mother the most and had literally devoted her entire young life for her well-being. The grief overwhelmed me. I just put down the phone and left the room in silence. I narrated that to my mother. She also felt pained to hear that news.
But inside my heart, the guilt of not been able to be with her, hurt me the most. Till date, I am ashamed of my ‘busy’ routine.
The SMS wedding
Amit Tyagi and Ruchi Shrimali……..a unique couple I know.
Lakshmi called up today. She was in pain, perhaps deep agony than just pain. She was missing her father. The very thought that he is not there is anymore is overwhelming her off and on. Perhaps, the father’s sweet memories keep returning to his beloved daughter. She was quite close to him. Especially, in his last days when he was hospitalized, she was restless. She was in deep pain. The irony was she cannot speak her heart out to anyone, as it would only aggravate her inner suffering. Watching her father awaiting his last moment of life, felt too much to her. May God gives her strength to overcome this unbearable condition.
Jan.19, 2010
I have felt guilty for not being available when it mattered the most on three occasion in last two months. Two of the occasions were the most regretful incidents of my life, as they belonged to two closest friends. One of them lost her father and the other, her mother. I express my condolences from the depth of my heart. I felt ashamed of not being of any worth or use for them when they should have someone trustable with them. I just could not be there with them due to responsibiilites at the workplace.
But it is also true that I genuinely wanted to be with them at any cost. But I couldn’t. The sorry is too little word to say anything about my guilty and moral and social crime.
One of them being Lakshmi, my closest friend and a supporter of the most difficult phase of life when I was in search of first job at any cost. She is my classmate and still a big mental support which helps me carry on in professional life with solace. Her beloved father had been suffering from cancer for a few months. She would tell me almost on routine basis how she was undergoing mental agony but could not share with mother. She wanted to avoid giving shock to her sensitive mother. The father and Lakshmi had promised each other not to let the mother learn of this disease. Both would keep mum and put up a smiling face till the last few weeks were left and doctors informed the days were numbered.
I admire the control of Lakshi and express utter sorrow that despite entire family’s best efforts, her beloved Daddy left for heavenly abode.
She wanted to handover ‘green grass’, as the father wanted to drink its juice. He was told by someone it helps dramatically in cancer. But the problem was that the special grass was available in Delhi only and father was hospitalized in Chennai. Despite best efforts to coordinate with each other , Lakshmi and me could not meet each other despite living in the same city. Whenever I would have time to meet her, she couldn’t and vice-versa.
Finally, she left for Chennai at the desperate call from her sister to be with her father for the last time.
For not being able to be of any use to her will remain lifetime guilt in my conscience.
The other girl is Gayatri, a former colleague at ANI. Though we never worked in one section, as she belonged to electronic media and me, print media, but our vibes made it sure that we were like-minded. I remember she even left her job at ANI for her mother’s health four years ago. She had tears in eyes and couldn’t control them on her last day at ANI, as she left for Kolkata to be with her ailing mother.
We met after four years on roadside. She had joined Live India channel. Both of us were thrilled to meet once again. We shared a good time talking like school kids reuniting after a long phase of life. But then we would talk over phone and share laughter. He mother had carried on with the disease all this years somehow. So I never doubted she would be visiting the hospital for the last time. Last October (2009), Gayatri told me he mother was again hospitalized. I thought it was routine.
Later she informed she was in ICCU. I felt worried for Aunty but avoided visiting her in hospital. She said the mother was recuperating gradually and been shifted to the ward. But she added that the mother was not keeping on well still. I didn’t feel the seriousness of the statement. I hoped she would be alright again and prayed in my heart for her earliest recovery. The office routine kept me heavily occupied in the meantime and I just couldn’t call Gayatri for a long time.
Once I called her up and she said she remains on night or day duty at hospital for her mother, as she required somebody to be with her. It worried me and I avoided calling her up lest I should disturb her at an odd hour of the day. She could be relaxing at home after the night duty or just been attending her darling mother by her bed side. I avoided calling, hence.
But one day, when I did to ask about aunty…I was shocked. Gayatri said: “Mummy to Guzar gayi”.
The answer left me inexplicable to utter any more word. I felt as if her whole world had come to an end. It was because I knew she valued her mother the most and had literally devoted her entire young life for her well-being. The grief overwhelmed me. I just put down the phone and left the room in silence. I narrated that to my mother. She also felt pained to hear that news.
But inside my heart, the guilt of not been able to be with her, hurt me the most. Till date, I am ashamed of my ‘busy’ routine.
The SMS wedding
Amit Tyagi and Ruchi Shrimali……..a unique couple I know.
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