Marriage, the biggest mistake of my life

Just a week ahead of one's second wedding anniversary, it feels most discomforting to write about the things that I am about to write today (June 22, 2012). 

It's 7.28 p.m. and Pratibha, my wife, has returned from office. Like any other day she is late and coming on the time decided by herself.

About four months back we quarrelled on this very issue over when she was expected by family to return home and by what time she could actually reach via three-wheeler instead of crowded buses. 

We had a long heated argument which went late into the night, with not just family members but neighbours being all ears to our loud noise. The quarrel had almost brought our marriage to the brink of separation.

I had almost made my mind that either she would live as per family or carry on using her tantrums and making fool of all by telling lies all the time. I even held a special meeting with her mother and briefed her what Pratibha was doing. Till that date, I had covered Pratibha’s weak points and everything she was doing form her family. I wanted her to improve herself in this family and become responsible person in married life.

The main reason for such a quarrel was triggered after I wished and requested her to return home by 7.15 p.m. I narrated her my circumstances and mumma’s health.

But she was adamant she couldn't reach before 7.30 p.m.. I told her since my mother requires her meal by 7.30 p.m. Pratibha, being the daughter-in-law should reach 15 minutes earlier than that. It was requested because I wanted my ailing mother should get the meal (two chapatis and a dal) made by my wife and not Bhabhi. 

This request was made after learning that Bhabhi has been preparing the evening meal almost on daily basis for Mumma, who requires this mini-size dinner before taking her medicine around that time. Her neurologist who has been treating her since she suffered a partial paralytic attack last year. 

Her attack had turned me nervous of losing her forever. Hence, I wanted to do whatever maximum I could manage to do within my means. I told about this to Pratibha that Mumma needed personal attention now onwards. Before that it was Mumma who was taking care of me for the last 35 years. 

Pratibha agreed to come by 7.15 p.m.. But she never stick to this time beyond three days of our argument and settlement. 

In Brief....(June 21)

Pratibha made it an issue that she was pointed out by Mumma over her habit of taking a glass of milk at night. As I was present on this occasion in the same room, I could see what happened and how it was conveyed, observed, and also how it was made up to sound like what …by both the sides.

Mumma said: Pratibha tenu keiya hai Dudh waste, phir wi tu samajh ni nahin hain....

Pratibha: Nahin Mumma, mein rakhti hun kal ke liye....

Mumma: Kithe hai...dikha mainu....fridge wich....dekh lai...nahin paya hai na....tenu kini war kaya hai....Savere layi thora jaya chad ditta kar.....je kise nu savere ...cha pini hoye te ....dudh nahin honda.....thora soch ke chalya kar....agale din wastey vi kuj sochya kar....

Pratibha: Mumma mujhe ye pasand nahin....aap jo roz roz ....mujhe doodh ke liye suna dete ho.....

Mumma: Maine tujhe pine se mana nahin kiya.....tujhe kaha hai ki agale din ke thora sa hai ya nahin....ye sochna bhi chahiye....beshak hor le ke aao....per agali subah da vi sochna chahiye......

Pratibha: Nahin nahin mummy main samajh gayi hoon....main apna doodh kal se le kar aa jaya karoongi....

Mumma: Dekh le ...baat ko doosri taraf le ja rahi hai....tu...maine kaha hai ki doodh lete waqat pehle dekh lena chahiye ki kal subah ke liye thora sa bacha hai ke nahin......

 About two weeks ago (around June 7, 2012)

Sandeep: Pratibha tu aaj kal kitne baje aa rahi...hai....

Pratibha: Sandeep ....lag bhag 7.30 p.m. ....

Sandeep: Per maine to tujhe last time 7.15 per aane ko kaha tha....aur isi ke liye itna Jhagra bh hua tha ….tere-mere beech….

Pratibha : Haan...per vo....Sandeep ......bus 10-15 minute ki to baat hai...

Sandeep: Baat 10-15 minute ki nahin hai....baat ye hai ke tujhe jo baat kahi jaati hai...tu use apni convenience ya marzi ke hisaab se ....define kar deti hai....waise ....kitne baje chutti hoti hai.....

Pratibha: 6.05 ya kabhi 6.10.....

Sandeep: Oks....aur kitna time lagta hai yahan three-wheeler se pahuchne mein....?

Pratibha: Dekho ji....Jhooth nahin bolungi.....lag bhag 7.00 baje tak to pahunch sakti hoon.....scooter per. ....

Sandeep: Nice. But as you know.....mujhe pata hai….ki…if someone takes a three-wheeler he or she can reach Malka Ganj from Rajouri Garden around 6.45 . Right?

Pratbiha: Haan...per nahin Sandeep ....auto nahin milta kai baar....thora sa insaan late ho sakta hai....Inderlok tak ka milta hai.....phir wahan se dubara lena parta hai....aap Isha, meri friend, se bhi pooch sake ho....

Sandeep: Pratibha....as you said....wo kabhi kabhi kabhi ho sakta hai...no issues…per kitni baar liya auto?…..Aur.phir bhi you can always comfortably reach home by 7.15....(jo ki aadha ghanta ...30 minute extra time hai according to your time of 7.00) .... to phir tu kyon nahin pahunch paati...??

Sandeep: Mujhe pata hain 40 minutes lagte hain…main to sava ghanta kaha hai….for practicality sake…

Sandeep : Waise ….main pehle bhi Tujhe samjhaya tha....ki jaise to subah....three-wheeler per 10.00 baje jaati hai.....waise hi aate waqat three-wheeler per aa jaya kar ....aur thik time per pahunch ja.....bus…koi problem hi nahin hogi…

Pratibha: Per Sandeep.....ab to aapne khana banane wali rakh li hai....ab kyon jaldi aane ko keh rahe ho....??

Sandeep: Maine tujhe kaha tha....ki Khana banane wali isiliye rakhi hai....ki main dekhna chahta hoon....tu time per pahunch bhi sakti hai ya nahin??? ...apna khana bhi bana sakti hai ke nahin?....apni normal homely duties kar sakti hai..ya nahin….

Pratibha: Per Sandeep...bus mein time lag jata hai....

Sandeep : Per maine to tujhe three-wheeler per aane ko kaha hai....bus mein to kaha hin nahin....

Pratibha: Per Sandeep aap bhi samjho.....agar main three-wheeler par roz roz aayi....to mere paas to kuch bache ga hi nahinnn....Mujhe Apne Bhavishya ke bare mein bhi to sochna hain…kal ko aapne chor diya…to mere paas to haath

Mein kuch hoga hi nahin…..

Sandeep: Matlab? ....arey jab subah jaate hue three-wheeler ka kharcha nahin feel hota, to aate hue kaise feel hota hai.....ab to tu jaldi so sakti hai.....main Ghar ka darwaza khud khol kar raat ko aata hoon....ab kaun late tak jaagne ko kehta hai.....and you still get late...in leaving for office in morning.....Is ke liye kharcha mehsoos nahin hota?

Sandeep: Aisa nahin lagta tujhe....ki....kyon ki jaate waqat three-wheeler teri requirement hoti hai.....isi liye uska Kharcha nahin chubhta.....per aate hue.....Ghar ki..family ki requirement hoti hai....isi liye...three-wheeler kha kharcha chubhta hai.....

Pratibha: Sandeep....per aap socho to sahi.....agar main dono time three-wheeler karoongi ...to mere paas bachega kya?? Mujhe Apne kal ke bare mein bhi to sochna hain....Dekho bura mat man na....per kal ko aapne mujhe chor diya.....to mere paas to apne haath mein kuch saving hogi hi nahin.....mujhe aapne kal ke liye bhi to kuch save karna hain na???

Sandeep: Really....to main Gadhe ka bachcha hoon....na.....jo apni puri salary ghar ke uppar kharch karta ja raha hoon...aur bank balance zero hota ja raha hai....mujhe to is hisab se sab se pehle ....Bhavishya ke baare mein sochna chahiye tha...Main to aise hi..apni poori ki poori salary khatam karta raha hoon.....

Pratibha: To kya ho gaya Sandeep.....aap to Aadmi ho.....ghar chalana to farz hai apka....

Sandeep: Sirf mera???? ..tera koi farz nahin hai......tujhe apne Bhavishya ki chinta karni hai....mujhe puri family ke bhavishya ki chinta karte hue kuch.....save nahin karna chahiye..?...main to saala paagal hoon....jo itni saari Naukraniyon per karch karta ja raha hoon.....Ghar per kharch kar raha hoon.......tujh per bhi kharch kar raha hoon.....kabhi ye laao… to kabhi wo.....Main to is hisab se Gadhe ka bacha ban gaya.....pichle do saal se....main to Salary kaaa pura amount …sab kuch khatam karta raha. ....Kabh Geyser..Kabhi Ghari..Kabhi…Music system…Kabhi…bahar dinners….Kahbi films…kabhi ye kabhi wo…...

Sandeep: Mujhe bhi sirf apne per kharch karma chahiye tha….

Pratibha: Per Sandeep......

Pratibha: Mujhe Pehle se pata tha....aap sab naukraniya chutwana chahte hona….....aur mujhe Ghar bitha ke kaam karana chahte ho....unki jagah.....

Sandeep: Per maine to aisa kuch nahin kaha…..maine to kabhi naukraniya lagawane ya chutane ki baat nahin kahin….tujhe….

Sandeep: Aura Ab tu….sun...Tere paida hone se pehle se naukraniyan kaam kar rahin hain yahan.......aur ab kyon ki tu aisa soch ti hai…isiliye sun……Tere Baad bhi  karti rahengi....samjhi.....

Main Chahta hoon aur …tujhe keh rahan hoon Ghar ki Jimmedariya samajh.....tujhe pata hona chahiye Sabzi kaisi khardi jaati hai...Tarbooz 10 Rupaye kiloo ho to ....Do killlo 400 gram kitne ka aayega kuch samajh aana chahiye...tujhe phele time par aakar....apni sabzi -daal banana aur Subah time per uthna....time per office jana  ....ye sab aana chahiye.....

Aur..tu keh rahi….hai ki main ye sab Naukraniyan chutane aur tujhe se kaam karane ke liye keh raha hoon.?????

Pratibha: Per ...main agar Ghar baith gayi....to Sandeep main to pagal ho jaoongi...saare din mein......Kya karoongi main sara din....

Sandeep: Ye Mumma aur Bhabhi …Jo ....Ghar per hote hain....wo pagal hain.....kya kar rahe hain...wo???

Pratibha: Per Sandeep.....unke pas reason tha....Bhabhi do mahine baad hi conceive  kar chuki thi....

Sandeep: To yaani ki....Jab jinke bachche na hon....wo ghar nahin baith te?

Pratibha: Main koi baanjh nahin hoon....Main bachche paida kar sakti hoon....

Sandeep: Maine to ye nahin kaha...maine kahan jab tak bachche na hon....tab tak ghar baithne se log pagal ho jaate hain kya???? Aur tu family badhane ko bol rahi hai.....tujhe kaha hai...basic knowledge acquire kar le ....kya tu bachcha bada kar sakti hai....use basics bhi padha sakti hai....? Ya…uske liye bhi Mayian (naukraniyan) rakhte jayenge?

Pratibha: ...Kya matlab hai aapka...main Gavaar nahin hoon....padhi hui hoon....

Sandeep: Tabhi to bola...hai.....tu abhi se Maiyoon per dependent hai.....apne room ki safai bhi Mai se karati hai....Drawing room ki dusting karne ke liye .....Sunday ki wait karti hai....Family badhne par kya karegi...???  Sabzi lene main abhi tak …gol hai….jo nahin leni wohi Chaant Chaant kar khareedne lagti hai….Tarbooz kitne kilo hai….aur kitne paise dene hai…(24 ki jabah 35 rupeye?)….Saat saal ka bacha tere saamne tujhe Tarbooz ke rate bata raha hai….aur calculate karke de raha hai….aur tu keh rahi hai….mujhe to apna Insurance ki knowledge hai….ye sabzi market mein kis kisko samjhaye gi.. (aur ye sab Shaadi ke do saal ke baad ka haal hai madam)

Pratibha: Acha…Sandeep acha …. Man lo…kal se agar main ghar baith jaati hoon......to pehle batao....mere liye kya kya karoge....???

Sandeep: Malab….

Sandeep:  Tere baap ne kabhi mummy ko list bana ke di hai.....kya kya main karoonga...agle paanch saal mein...tere liye?? Bhaiya ne bhabhi ko list di hai???? Phir mere se kaise pooch rahin hai tu???

Pratibha: Ab dekho ab aap gussa hote jaa rahe ho…..Acha ye batao....mere kharche...Mere kharche ...jaise Mobile ka bill....aur baki sab..mere kapre ....ye sab.....kya aap afford karoge…..

Sandeep: Mujhe pehle ye bata…...jab Ghar per hogi to mobile kis liye chahiye???? Jaise sab jite hain..waise ji nahin sakti….waise Har Mahine ...naye.Kapre kis liye chahiye honge???....Ghar main landline phone hai....jaise sab Use karte hain....waise tu bhi kar liyo....uska bill kya main nahin bharta ??? tu bhi Use hi use kariyo......

Pratibha: Per Sandeep.....

Sandeep: Na Pratibha Na....mujhe samajh aa raha....saala main to Gadhe Ka bachcha bana raha....Saare paise kharch kar diye....teri farmaishyon ke chakkar mein....Mujhe to tujh se pehle jodne chahiye they??? Bhavishya ke liye........Tu to kafi samajhdar bani yaar......apne liye jod rahi hain aur main Chutiya ban raha hoon......

Pratibha: Main kab farmaish ki hai.....Sandeep

Sandeep: Ye jo....kabhi....Nayi fridge .chahiye......Ghar mein.....Washing Machine honi chahiye.....Gadi honi Chahiye........ye sab jo Mumm ya Manushree aur doosron ke saamne kehti hai.....aur mere tak baat pahunch ti hai....wo sab farmaish nahin to aur kya hai.....Main to pagal hua....ek ek karke ....cheeze la rahan Ghar mein convenience badhane ke liye......

Pratibha: Per sirf mere liye kar rahe ho kya.....mujh per hi saara kharach ho raha hai kya???

Sandeep: Nahin...per teri farmaishon ke chalte ….main.....kharcha badhata ja raha hoon....tujhe time per aane mein dikkat thi....to Roti banane wali bhi rakh li.....ab tu kahe to ....dusting ke liye.....bhi aur Naukrani rakh leta hoon......bol..

Pratibha: Nahin..Sandeep maine to aisa nahin kaha.....

Sandeep: Main to bata rahan hoon....jab Kapre dhone wali hai...baratan saaf karne wali hai....Safai karne wali hai..Khana banane wali bhi hai....to tu kya karti hai??? Newspaper padhne ke liye bola to....apne liye bol raha hoon yaa tere liye.....General Knowledge ki Hindi mein book la kar di hai to teri intelligence badhane ke liye...ya apne liye....Osho ke lecture download kar ke laya…teri intelligence ke liye ya…??

Pratibha: Aisa karo mujh se paise lena chahte ho to.....lete kyon nahin....ho....

Sandeep: Acha….Jab tujhe Ghar par time par aane ke liye.....three-wheeler per paise kharch karne mein itni dikkat feel ho rahi hai......to tu Ghar ke liye paise degi?? wo bhi mujhe ??? Tujhe lagta hai...Main tujhe ye saab paise lene ke liye keh raha hoon…..main aise free ke ...haram ke paise loonga???..

Sandeep: Ruk jaa......dekh ise …ye cheque kis ke naam hai aur kitne ka hai???? Read it....damn it

Pratibha: Rs.20,000....Sandeep Datta..LIC Insurance

Sandeep: Ye mera nahin hai..Bhaiye ki kamayi ka hai.....mere naam aya hai...Insurance se.....meri mehnat ka nahin hai.....Thik.....ab dekh ise......(tearing the cheque into pieces)....ab kitne piece hue iske.....????

Sandeep: Dekh liya....mujhe jab apne bhai ke free ke paise nahin chahiyee......to main kya tere paison ke liye tujhe ye sab keh rahan hoon??? Wo bhi tab jab mere bhai .....to mujhe ek do saal mein ek baar sunayega......aur tuuu...tu..mujhe har minute mein....apna ek rupya bhi sunane wali bandi hai....main tere paise loonga???

Sandeep: Maine realise kar liye hai....main Gadha hoon....per main ab aur Gadha nahin banooga......you will sleep in the common room with all ....Mumma ke saath wale room mein...main bhi au tub hi soyenge…...ab se double cooler ya A/C alag alag jagah...nahin chalenge....Main bhi saving karoonga....mujhe bhi apne bhavishya ke liye sochna hai..

Pratibha: Thik hai...Sandeep kal se mein apne liye Sabzi alag se le aaoongi.........

Sandeep: Hey Bhagwan!!!.....ais hai....Sabzi nahin...tu apna Bijli , Paani ka connection bhi alag le......sab kuch alag le......

Pratibha: Mujhe nahin pata wo sab kahan se hota hai....

Sandeep: Main bata deta hoon....MCD office, civil lines mein apply kar......main samajh gaya hoon tera kuch nahin ho sakta....tu bus jaa is drawing room se....mujhe sochne de......mujhe ab apne Bhavishya ke baare mein sochna hai....main to sala Gadha nikla...meri biwi to bahut samajhdar nikali....apne kal ke liye pichle do saal se full salary jod rahi hai.....

Pratibha: Maine ek saal to paise diye hain...yahan...

Sandeep: Really!!! Kitne mahine baad roti yahan banani. ya..shuru ki thi...aur apni half salary (Rs.5,000) kab dene shuru kiye the aur kab taq....??? Thik se yaad hai....half year tha ya...full year?????

Pratibha: Sandeep anyways....acha..acha…main to kuch paise kabhi bhi..diye hi nahin….

Sandeep: Pratibha….tu ab  abhi bus mere saamne se jaa.....mujhe sochne de...mera dimag kharab hota ja raha hai…ye sab sun kar….bus tu ja apne room mein…..