Dowry--a big dilemma

The subject of dowry is turning out to be quite strange for me. As the wedding-day has been decided for June 28, 2010, the preparations are on and so is everyone's pressure on me.

Beyond preparations, a big and interesting strange has arisen. Almost all are concerned and want to know about my opinion on one thing---DOWRY.
It has turned a major problem, as I have also been an anti-dowry person and this time it's my turn to set an example. But I am feeling being trapped or pushed into the line of dowry-seekers.

Strangely, the pressure is from girl's side to convince me to accept it with grace.

I don't know why but pressure is mounting on me. I am surprised about not just my family but by her family too. They want to increase the list of 'gifts' for marriage. Being an anti-dowry person by heart and spirit, I have always been dead against it.

Even the initial talks for Rokka (confirmation of marriage) were postponed and brought to the brink of 'NO' by me, as they girl's mother indicated that they may gift a car on wedding.

I strongly objected it and felt a big insult and mockery of my resolution to have a non-dowry marriage.

The girl's mother went into depression for seven days on learning about my decision to even consider the proposal of marriage to her daughter as null and void. She was shocked and fell ill after I made it a serious issue saying how could they even offer me such a thing, when I told them on very first day that i am anti-dowry.

She apologised later and I accepted it and went ahead to marry her daughter after making it clear that I mean something when I say "NO" to dowry.

But I think there is no respite from that for me. Once again, just two months ahead of the marriage they are now influencing my mind indirectly to accept dowry's gifts.

The girl has secretly told me about some of the prominent (read expensive) items of the 'gifts' (read dowry). And, I have made her my secret representative to keep deleting items from that list without letting them know that it's my wish. She has promised me for that.

The influence to keep mum on the issue of accepting gifts by girl's side's choic is being created through my relatives. Somebody is suggesting it's nothing but gifts meant for their own daughter. Somebody says it is a part of ritual and should be accepted as a norm. I am being told not to feel guilty in any way as there is no demand being made from us for any item. Instead, it is the girl's side who are giving it to their daughter for her comfort.

Today, my most respected cousion-cum-mentor Billey Bhapaji called me at his home and convinced me to not to make it an issue . I promised him I wouldn't create any public scene, as is being percieved or feared by girl's side.

My sister and jiaji held a meet with me two hours later on the same issue. I was told to avoid any such resistance. It was told that i should view the gifts as necessary things meant to replace the already for the sake of welcoming new waves in home.
When I said I am also old and deserves to be replaced with new in that case, they laughed away.

Anyways, I am very very disturbed mentally as I am finding it highly uncomfortalbe and almost like ............don't know what.....to accept anything as dowry under the garb of gift.

It's said don't take dowry. I say: "Do they allow us not to take it?"

Latta and jijaji held a meet with me at Sangam to discuss wedding preparations.

My mind is totally engrossed in that......don't know what's happeing and how it will happen...Bhaiya is conveying his hesitation to even participate in marriage or any single preparation.

The problems are aggravating at home.