One month of my marriage....

On July 28, I completed one month of my marriage and living together with my better half Pratibha. Thankfully, by the grace of God, it was Ok with her.

She has been affectionate, careworn and loving all these days. The honeymoon is actually a superb thing, I realised it after spending a week with her. Most of the experienced people would tell skipping this most awaited period of married life can prove disastrous to carry on with any woman who has married you. I didn't take much time and planned it very carefully. It was planned quite minutely to avoid any major discomfort. Many experienced individuals and local natives' personal advise was sought to keep it a smooth and joyful journey.

I remained quite focussed to keep it blunder-free, the errors were acceptable. I was quite focussed to 'what' next' throughout the trip and hence enjoyed only after reaching at any place. My concern remained her saftey and comfort. She thought I was not showing involvement. But I knew my mental occupation with work to do was vital and her expectations were natural 'wishes' of a newly married girl.

Both of us kept observing each other in real way. I felt she was intelligent enough to observe me broadly. My moody-self and short temperament was something I wanted her to witness besides the romantic person in me. I also showed her my tastes as a nature lover, photographer and religious person. I believe she noticed that her husband could actually take care of her and was equally religious-minded as she is. She liked my religious side of personality.

However, more than anything we got a big chance to know each other and introduce each other by our nature to an extent. I presented myself as a moody and angry man who would object to everything going off the plan or basic mannerism or respect of a husband. She took me as a boy friend whom she could talk the way she wanted to. I made her clear, this is 'HUSBAND'. I felt it was needed to keep things going off limits in next few days after returning home.

I found her caring but quite casual in many things. She looked to be a child brought up with a bit too much 'don't worry' approach. I tried to make her feel that she needed to be quite attentive and hold responsibility about what happens due to what she does casually. For instance, her taking too much time to be ready irritated me the most.

However, these days I am struggling to make her bring some changes in her way of life, as she begins her actual life with a person of my tastes and lifestyle. At times she raises her tone and I have to silence her a bit harshly. Her obession for Air Conditioned environment and dream to CHANGE me has faded.

But God knows that I am trying to apprise her of all possible mistakes or silly acts that may make her become a laughing stock in our family or my social circle. Being aware of what is required in our family or social circle, it is my duty to keep her alarmed about every act.

At times, Pratibha understands. But most of the time she is arguing with me without even listening to me completely. I have found her carrying a baggage of negative experience as lived by others in the past at her parents' side.

She has a bad habit of interrupting in mid-way and hence faces my tough talk. She has a number of strange habits and thus faces my flak.

Like most of the time, even during honeymoon, I told her not to use "Tu" for me, as I was not any junior friends of hers or boy friend. She is yet to overcome her this habit. Many a times I have asked her not to express her care as if I am a school kid seeking mummy's feed or care. I have conveyed her to just control her behavior from looking stupidly caring towards me. Her slightly deafness has shocked me and I want it to be treated immediately. I just fear it should not be permanent or a fact kept secret from me. Had the latter fact proved a truth, I would feel Cheated.

Her high pitch in talking to me or talking back to me is something I find quite disturbing and will make her mend herself. Unfortunately, almost everyday she has to face my rough side,But I am also trying to be tolerant and adjustable to a new person and her strangeness in attitude. I was shocked to see today that an MBA by education person would avoid reading even one news in the newspaper and would cling it for 'horoscope' or bollywood gossip age, known as Page 3.

Frankly, I felt I have got somebody with very ordinary intellectual tastes. I hope she will understand value of my tastes and at least give me my space to carry on with them without getting 'shocked' or 'ignorant' of its significane in an inquisitive journalist's life.

I am taking time to understand that now i am joined by someone in personal life, where I have never allowed anyone to enter.

And, many other things that I feel I need to realise at the earliest is 6.00 p.m. means 7.00 and being ready at the earliest dose means after 45 minutes, having my breakfast means 40 minutes of just eating and unwantedly smiling instead of the previous 10 minutes of gobbling food and flipping through newspapers in complete silence.

My Honeymoon.......


Well!! I am back in Delhi after seven days (July 9 to 15,2010) of honeymoon, the most awaited phase of a man and woman's life after marriage. After having cancelled twice for Jammu and Kashmir, I finally headed to Vaishno Devi in Jammu and Himachal in place of Kashmir, the heaven on earth.

Interestingly, we had to pre-pone it by 12 hours due to Ambala flood situation and the train journey was changed into bus journey. Thankfully, it was by Volvo! We reached Katra, the base camp for Vaishno Devi pilgrimage. We stayed at Durga Hotel for short stay, as we were a bit late for relaxing for two-three hours at the Shrine Board's room. It's called short stay. We finally landed in Durga Hotel, the oldest and biggest hotel, located opposite to Jewels, the ultimate place for fresh, clean, and quality food. It’s any gourmet’s delight.

We left for the ultimate pilgrimage at 7.45 p.m. and returned the next morning riding Khachhars....it was an ultimate joy.....thereafter we visited Dharamshala, stayed at Govt. Guest house with the help of a friend.It was a great joy...surrounded by mountains and fog on the following morning after rainshower. We enjoyed it greatly.

Thereafter we visited Bhagsu nath temple, devoted to Lord Shiva, Dalai Lama temple, an unforgettable and fascinating place full of peace and prayers, and the McLoed Ganj. She didn’t realize McLoed Ganj was about a market full of extraordinary beautiful Buddhists and foreigners. I realized it only when after our brief wandering there for an hour in the market while enjoying the romantic breeze, she asked……Sunna ji yaahan se chalao ab…mujhe McLoed Ganj jana hai!!!! I was surprised. She was left blushing….at her soft-minded or rather ignorant reply.

But the pleasant weather made it a great joy visiting any place.

Later, we headed towards Pathankot, a place where you will find it all buses standing except the one you wish to board. We waited for an hour.

Well, we travelled mostly by local buses there. It was a great joy for me enjoying the local feel. Maybe it wasn't that much for Pratibha. But soon she felt there is different feel and joy than waiting for hours for luxury buses or expensive private cabs to cover even short distances.

The valleys and the mountains added to the mood and joy. The buses were never crowded so we felt nice. Actually, both of us travelled all places as old buddies enjoying a short trip outside home for the first time after a long time of separation. :) Well, then we reached Chamunda Devi, the place I deeply worship and value. I told her that it was the same Devi before whom I had prayed after failing in standard XII exams to bless me with guidance, intelligence and knowledge. She realised it's importance. We had plans to visit Palampur, Tapovan and one more place on the next day. But, on request of a friend, who had arranged our stay in one of his relative's hotel for free, we decided to spend another day at Chamunda Devi. The hotel was very good to be there besides the mood-lifting, soothing and pleasant green surroundings with all greeting mountains around us.

The following day in Chamuda Devi happened to be my b'day also. With my pre-paid phone being inaccessible for all, I missed everyone's blessings and faced the annoyance a few days later. But, it was actually very nice staying there and attendin Aartis four times in two days. It was a great joy also spending time sittin on pebbles or large stones in the river in Chamunda Devi temple.

After that we boarded another bus and left for Amritsar. My dearest and closest journalist friend Ravinder Singh Robin, Bureau Chief of Punjab who always travels with President and Prime Minister and Foreign Minister invited us to pay obeisance at Harmandar Saheb or, the Golden temple.

I agreed to take further obligation from him after having enjoyed free accomodation at his relative's hotel for two days in Chamunda Devi. Though i don't believe in free lunch as a principal but his affection had overwhelmed me. It was Atithi hotel, a three storey building and the second attractive place to stay in Chamunda Devi.

As i reached Amritsar, I had finished explaining Pratibha that we were actually going to visit Robin's residence, located in a remote area in border villages. I advised her not to let her veil or head covering beyond nose-tip, as it will like flouting typical Punjabi customs as maintained and valued by such families in villages. She was scared. I told her to avoid using Hindi or English, as the ladies at his home prefer and understand just Teth Punjabi, the hardcore Punjabi that is too difficult to understand by even Punjabis leave aside non-Punjabis. She turned nervous. I told her there was nothing to worrry about as she would be in Janankhana!! But what's that Sandeep,,,she asked me. I smiled and said it's nothing but a place in a house that is meant for woman only. And, there will be my friend's aged mother, Dadi, Nani and wife to converse with whole night! She turned pale. I said don't worry they will take care tht you have hand-held Pankhi and mosquitoes shouldn't touch you!! She was like.....Sandeep plsss after such a good stay why you are pushing me into all that....I said: Don't worry my dear.....it will be a distinct joy ....going to Jangal Pani.....with a lalten . But whyyyyyyyy.......sandeep....plss tell me ...why can't we skip all thisssss and go to home.....Pratibha asked me.....I said arreyy it's a courtesy to visit my affectionate friend after enjoying his hotel at Chamunda. She murmured something and just settled down in her seat, as i had just added telling ther that she would definitely be accompanied by any child or lady in the fields with lantern! And, it was obvious as it is being said that electricity is going to be available in there village in next five years!! She started sweating...after hearing to all this. She said ....Sandy yaaar....plssssssss....I said: "arrey madam don't worry....it's a joy of different sort and i want to be strong enough wife of a journalist who likes rural life!!!!!

Finally, we reached Amritsar bus stop. My friend Ravinder Singh informed that some close relative is hospitalised and he has to rush back to him. So , he advised me to just visit Darbar Saheb first and later he would catch both of us. He sent a car with a driver and two of his journalists to assist us. They collected our heavy bags to relieve us from its weight and we headed to Darbar Sahib. We were given VIP treatment. The car was parked where nobody's allowed. I was given Rumala and we entered. As usual, my camera's battery ditched at the first pic. One of the two journalists rushed back to car and brought two camera, as they had planned for us. We were clicked before Darbar Sahib and I was happy as it was my first combine click with her. I remained clicking stones, trees, rivers and her throughout the tour and just avoided clicking myself too.

So, my delight was obvious. We were introduced to the in-charge of entire arrangement at Golden temple and later escorted inside the magnificent Golden Temple's sanctum sanctorum. Both of our two new journalist friends were ensuring that we should cover Darshan and due meet with Ravinder Singh within our one-and-a-half hour's time available at our disposal in Amritsar. One of the two journos escorting us whispered something to one of the main Granthis inside the sanctum sanctorum. And, he presented Pratibha with the Saropa, a special religious gift from the temple body often given to VIPs. I felt blessed that my wife recieved it.

Ravinder called up and ensured that we get the best food for our back journey to home. I asked him to leave everything and just meet. He reserved lobby of a huge and captivating hotel for us. We reached there by the car along with the two journalists who assist Ravinder Singh. He was waiting there with his innocent Mrs. and a very handsome child. I termed him an NRI, as his father travels foreign almost every second month.

Well, the meet was actually a family meet and both of them were highly courteous. I wanted to show my wife how down to earth and affectionate my friend Robin Singh is despite his big profile in Punjab, not just in Amritsar. It was actually a great meeting, as she had an opportunity to meet my first friend outside Delhi.

He also arranged for our return journey by Volvo. Pratibha was delighted that she finally had her 'AC' bus at her serivce in her last leg of honeymoon. Ravinder Singh brought her another stylish and luxury vehicle and dropped us. Our luggage was brought in another car by the other two journalists. We had a good talk and our share of laughter with that loving couple and invited them to visit Delhi at the earliest.
Pratibha was so ecstatic after meeting both of them and the special arrangements that she requested me now to stay back at Amritsar for a day as being consistenly requested by Ravinder Singh and family !!!! I smiled and asked her to just remember Amritsar as her second in-laws' house where she would be visiting very soon whenever it's possible for a long stay.

Really, both of us returned, by everyone's blessings with a big cheer on our faces and delight inside our hearts.

The Marriage....

To the world, it may have been just another marriage but for me it was one of the most unforgettable incidents of my life.

It was nothing less than a miracle for me that my marriage was solemnised without any single untoward or mood-spoiling scene. Not just me or my family, but the girl’s side was also very anxious about it. Both the families had valid reasons for keeping their fingers’ crossed.

The reason being that from day one when the proposal for my wedding was being considered, there were some unanswered questions, mainly in my brother and my mind.

Even as it was due to over cautious or may be cynical approach, the concerns were genuine. They included failure to find out any familiar relation or relative between the two families, the absence of father in any of our initial matrimonial meetings, the late revelation about the girl that she wears specs, and girl’s families’ probing approach.

The reason behind first concern was because both of the families belonged to one Mohyal community but, perhaps, they didn’t maintain good relations with the members of the community they belonged to.

It led to suspicion that the girl’s side might not be actually from Mohyal community. But very soon me and brother decided even if they weren’t we should meet their father.

The father’s presence was sought eagerly by me and my brother. I don’t know about brother’s reasons but I actually wanted to meet girl’s father before saying ‘yes’ to marry his daughter. My reason was purely a matter of giving him the actual respect and appearing before him as the candidate before getting accepted by anyone else.

My brother’s concern for specs looked a bit genuine, as it was revealed just a day before the ‘Rokka’, official confirmation of marriage. My brother was take a back, as he always viewed anyone wearing specs as having some major medical problem or defect in personality.

On the contrary, I was unusually cool about the matter. I conveyed it to him straightforwardly that specs was a non-issue for a person like me. I conveyed it to girl’s brother that I believed anyone wearing specs looks ‘intellectual’ and it usually adds to one’s personality than affecting it negatively. He was relieved by my prompt answer. But my brother’s suspicion deepened, as I informed him about this private intimation about specs from the girl’s side.

In our private talks, my brother informed that the main reason behind his all concerns was his own wife. He was duped about his looks, as when our family visited his in-laws to see the girl, she looked fair complexioned with no spots on the face. We were told that she was nervous and her complexion was affected since her father’s demise recently. We were fool enough to believe such a stupid reason. It was only later we noticed that half of her face was full of marks and BLACK. It looked as if it was burnt and thus turned black.

I noticed it only after many years. Otherwise, everyday she would come out only after applying foundation cream to cover her original complexion of the face.

Hence, his concern had genuine personal experience as the basis for being over cautious or cynical in every single thing being directly or indirectly ‘revealed’ to us.

The mention of ‘Car’ and the suggestion about the need to learn driving proved the last nail in the coffin. My mother-in-law advised me to learn driving as it could be useful when required. Even as the words meant nothing wrong but they meant for indicating that the girl’s side was considering to ‘gift’ that to us. I read it correctly as ‘DOWRY’, the very word I hated the most. I had mentioned it to the girl’s side on the very first day our meet that irrespective of when the relations gets finalised but ‘Dowry’ was highly objectionable to me.

The moment she left, my tone turned of a furious man insulted by someone. I have always felt irritated if someone tried to unnecessarily oblige me and that too without asking. Innocently, my mother-in-law had done that mistake. I took it very objectionably as if someone tried to ‘gift’ me something which was considered ‘unaffordable’ by others for me.

I being a person who always felt very hesitant even to accept small gifts from my own sister, found it disturbing. It felt like someone was trying to please me or win me with such a ‘gift’ (read dowry).

We objected it as a unit and made it a serious objection. It was decided to call off the marriage proposal as the boy (me) had found it an insult.

A few days later when the girl’s side approached us, the brother lambasted the very person who called. He went berserk and callous in conveying the family’s mood. But little did he realise that there is always a proper was of communicating such things to any lady.

I realised it at night when the girl’s elder brother called me. I found it shocking that such a matter was conveyed by my brother to girl’s mother. I was terrified, as our family knew he is the worst communicator of our family. It was scary to imagine how much or what he would have spoken to the girl’s mother which made her weep over phone. The girl’s brother informed me about all that. He said his mother was in tears and her legs were shaking. The argument with him took a worse shape later.

All this made me apologise, as he could never tolerate a lady, that too elderly, being talked to in rough tone. I was apologetic by heart.

I said we didn’t mean it and the brother shouldn’t have been the main communicator or spokesperson from our side. I assured by sister’s husband (Dinesh) would talk to them now onwards. They felt happy with it that there would be another communicator.

Since then the girl’s brother was irritated with my brother’s repeated claim stating that he was a businessman and thus didn’t need to think too much about anything (expenditure for the function). Such a repeated claim made the girl’s side feel that it was actually being said to make fun of their financial capability.

And, one day while reacting about my brother’s tone and way of talking with the girl’s side, the girl’s brother told my Jijaji that “ Agar itne hi bade businessman hain Datta sahab, to kam se kam apna ghar to repair karwa liya hota. Sab jagah se to wo toota-phoota para hai, itna hi hai to pehle Ghar to thik kara lein.”

I was informed about it with hesitation by my sister. It was informed in response to my question about a surprise meet by my prospective wife in a Mall. I returned from the meeting after convincing her that it was me who dictated terms at home instead of my elder brother in my personal life. But I turned curious to know after all why such a ‘meet’ was called for at the first instance.

Hence, my sister felt it appropriate to intimate me what occurred between her husband and my prospective brother-in-law over phone. I turned flabberghasted at the revelation. I asked her to call it off immmediateelllyy without any ifs or buts.

I was assured of it for the time being. Then came Holi. I was again asked by my close friends’ wives about my marriage. I told them that a very good proposal had be called off due to ‘Dowry’. They were shocked to learn about it. I told them that there was no issue regarding me or the girl but our families. They laughed and felt sad for me.

My Holi had no joy, as I avoided mingling too much due to my saddened state of mind. I kept clicking their pics to keep myself busy and record the annual event for the first time.

After Holi, I was approached by my family members. I was told girl’s side’s context of stating such things. I was told not to miss this proposal just like that as the girl had 100 per cent approval of each member of our family.

Finally, I am married...


Thank God, I am married. I say this becasue considering the kind of pulls and pressure existed ahead of this wedding are too much to be explained accurately.

There were constraints of money, time, and dirty moves of my elder brother.

Despite my best possible efforts to keep the expenses within my budget, they exceeded. The last three days just ahead of my wedding day were actually very very hectic. The biggest disappointment was not being able to properly invite all of my loved ones the way I wished to.