The Marriage....

To the world, it may have been just another marriage but for me it was one of the most unforgettable incidents of my life.

It was nothing less than a miracle for me that my marriage was solemnised without any single untoward or mood-spoiling scene. Not just me or my family, but the girl’s side was also very anxious about it. Both the families had valid reasons for keeping their fingers’ crossed.

The reason being that from day one when the proposal for my wedding was being considered, there were some unanswered questions, mainly in my brother and my mind.

Even as it was due to over cautious or may be cynical approach, the concerns were genuine. They included failure to find out any familiar relation or relative between the two families, the absence of father in any of our initial matrimonial meetings, the late revelation about the girl that she wears specs, and girl’s families’ probing approach.

The reason behind first concern was because both of the families belonged to one Mohyal community but, perhaps, they didn’t maintain good relations with the members of the community they belonged to.

It led to suspicion that the girl’s side might not be actually from Mohyal community. But very soon me and brother decided even if they weren’t we should meet their father.

The father’s presence was sought eagerly by me and my brother. I don’t know about brother’s reasons but I actually wanted to meet girl’s father before saying ‘yes’ to marry his daughter. My reason was purely a matter of giving him the actual respect and appearing before him as the candidate before getting accepted by anyone else.

My brother’s concern for specs looked a bit genuine, as it was revealed just a day before the ‘Rokka’, official confirmation of marriage. My brother was take a back, as he always viewed anyone wearing specs as having some major medical problem or defect in personality.

On the contrary, I was unusually cool about the matter. I conveyed it to him straightforwardly that specs was a non-issue for a person like me. I conveyed it to girl’s brother that I believed anyone wearing specs looks ‘intellectual’ and it usually adds to one’s personality than affecting it negatively. He was relieved by my prompt answer. But my brother’s suspicion deepened, as I informed him about this private intimation about specs from the girl’s side.

In our private talks, my brother informed that the main reason behind his all concerns was his own wife. He was duped about his looks, as when our family visited his in-laws to see the girl, she looked fair complexioned with no spots on the face. We were told that she was nervous and her complexion was affected since her father’s demise recently. We were fool enough to believe such a stupid reason. It was only later we noticed that half of her face was full of marks and BLACK. It looked as if it was burnt and thus turned black.

I noticed it only after many years. Otherwise, everyday she would come out only after applying foundation cream to cover her original complexion of the face.

Hence, his concern had genuine personal experience as the basis for being over cautious or cynical in every single thing being directly or indirectly ‘revealed’ to us.

The mention of ‘Car’ and the suggestion about the need to learn driving proved the last nail in the coffin. My mother-in-law advised me to learn driving as it could be useful when required. Even as the words meant nothing wrong but they meant for indicating that the girl’s side was considering to ‘gift’ that to us. I read it correctly as ‘DOWRY’, the very word I hated the most. I had mentioned it to the girl’s side on the very first day our meet that irrespective of when the relations gets finalised but ‘Dowry’ was highly objectionable to me.

The moment she left, my tone turned of a furious man insulted by someone. I have always felt irritated if someone tried to unnecessarily oblige me and that too without asking. Innocently, my mother-in-law had done that mistake. I took it very objectionably as if someone tried to ‘gift’ me something which was considered ‘unaffordable’ by others for me.

I being a person who always felt very hesitant even to accept small gifts from my own sister, found it disturbing. It felt like someone was trying to please me or win me with such a ‘gift’ (read dowry).

We objected it as a unit and made it a serious objection. It was decided to call off the marriage proposal as the boy (me) had found it an insult.

A few days later when the girl’s side approached us, the brother lambasted the very person who called. He went berserk and callous in conveying the family’s mood. But little did he realise that there is always a proper was of communicating such things to any lady.

I realised it at night when the girl’s elder brother called me. I found it shocking that such a matter was conveyed by my brother to girl’s mother. I was terrified, as our family knew he is the worst communicator of our family. It was scary to imagine how much or what he would have spoken to the girl’s mother which made her weep over phone. The girl’s brother informed me about all that. He said his mother was in tears and her legs were shaking. The argument with him took a worse shape later.

All this made me apologise, as he could never tolerate a lady, that too elderly, being talked to in rough tone. I was apologetic by heart.

I said we didn’t mean it and the brother shouldn’t have been the main communicator or spokesperson from our side. I assured by sister’s husband (Dinesh) would talk to them now onwards. They felt happy with it that there would be another communicator.

Since then the girl’s brother was irritated with my brother’s repeated claim stating that he was a businessman and thus didn’t need to think too much about anything (expenditure for the function). Such a repeated claim made the girl’s side feel that it was actually being said to make fun of their financial capability.

And, one day while reacting about my brother’s tone and way of talking with the girl’s side, the girl’s brother told my Jijaji that “ Agar itne hi bade businessman hain Datta sahab, to kam se kam apna ghar to repair karwa liya hota. Sab jagah se to wo toota-phoota para hai, itna hi hai to pehle Ghar to thik kara lein.”

I was informed about it with hesitation by my sister. It was informed in response to my question about a surprise meet by my prospective wife in a Mall. I returned from the meeting after convincing her that it was me who dictated terms at home instead of my elder brother in my personal life. But I turned curious to know after all why such a ‘meet’ was called for at the first instance.

Hence, my sister felt it appropriate to intimate me what occurred between her husband and my prospective brother-in-law over phone. I turned flabberghasted at the revelation. I asked her to call it off immmediateelllyy without any ifs or buts.

I was assured of it for the time being. Then came Holi. I was again asked by my close friends’ wives about my marriage. I told them that a very good proposal had be called off due to ‘Dowry’. They were shocked to learn about it. I told them that there was no issue regarding me or the girl but our families. They laughed and felt sad for me.

My Holi had no joy, as I avoided mingling too much due to my saddened state of mind. I kept clicking their pics to keep myself busy and record the annual event for the first time.

After Holi, I was approached by my family members. I was told girl’s side’s context of stating such things. I was told not to miss this proposal just like that as the girl had 100 per cent approval of each member of our family.