The Undelivered Letter to Pratibha's brother

 (July 31,2 014)

 

Dear Prashant Bhaiya

Though it looks quite childish of a grown up man like me to bother you every now and then, there are certain things that I am sure can be eased out only with your help. I approach to you and your wisdom as you can feel a man's concern as a person, as a husband and a professional too despite being a girl's brother. That's why I have faith in your neutrality.

It's been about a year since Pratibha returned after a long stay at her mother's house. It was due to your tough talking and strict directions to her that helped a lot in achieving peace in our family life.

But as you know Pratibha's nature far well than me, I think whatever I am going to share you can understand how much it could be truth or false, ethical or unethical, justified or unjustified.

Till April, everything was going on absolutely fine. Then she went along with your family to Vrindavan. I don't know what disillusion she got from that visit that she felt completely changed in her behaviour. She started replying back quite rudely, making remarks or saying something something about anybody and everybody. Surely, I interrupted her strictly but she never bothered what she was doing. 

But for past few months, Pratibha has adopted some strange habits that have now turned impossible for me to tolerate. 

The biggest reason is that she has sharpened her old habit of exaggerating things and lying. 

If she is asked to not do something. She turns it such a big issue as if she is being made a slave or prisoner. She wants nobody should tell her about changing any habit. At times she provokes me to the extent of literally challenging saying: "Kya kar loge marogey mujhe, marogey...aur kar hi kya sakte ho". 

CHAKU

Last to last month (In early May), I had asked her to first go and put on her hearing machine. But she shouted on me in front of Neelam didi, Pooja, Manushree and Dhairya. I didn't reply and just closed my eyes and slept in the sofa to control my reaction. After 30 minutes, she arrived near me and put pillows on me. I put aside one. She again put it on me forcefully. I threw it around. Then she put a chair on me. 

When I threw back the pillow on her while telling her never try dare to get physical with me like that, she started shouting before mumma saying: "Mumma dekho mujhe mar rahe hain..aur Inke Haath Mein Agar CHAKU aa jaye to wo bhi mar dengey"

Mumma, came from other room with Chanchal and both shouted at me and asked me to explain why I threw that sofa pillow on her. When I told them to first ask Pratibha why she forcefully put pillows on me and then put even chair on me, she had no explanation. I stopped talking to her for a week due to her this false allegation and behaviour. 

She later accepted that she was angry over something not directly related to me. Think of my condition, if she would have called you while crying to tell her mummy or daddy that I was beating or trying "to kill" her, you would have never believed my version over phone. But I am mentioning it especially to tell HOW she makes up things to her favour.

Imprisonment

As you also know I never stopped her if she ever wished to visit your home, she still makes it a big quarrel if she is asked why she wants to go every month unwantedly. She would say that I wish to cage her in a prison. 

This was the reason why she fought with me to visit mummy's place last time (barely 10 days after Vrindavan visit with her mummy and family). I felt highly irritated over her allegations and I instead made her stay there for a week. I am sure she would have never told you about it.

 

Phones

If you remember I just asked her not to call mummy or sister because of past incidents and her habit of misreporting daily happenings in our house. She has never stopped it. Despite my requests, she never stopped calling. But since returning from there, she has increased this habit and has been calling (I don't know whom) from outside when she visits temple or goes out to buy any household thing. She has never been denied to call anyone except the two and she admits it. 

Temple

Despite your questioning her on temple visits, she has never stopped it. I have told her, requested her and adviced her innumerable times to not spend one hour in the temple (including five minutes of milk purchasing). Especially, when she is required at home. 

She listened to me after many heated arguments and reduced the time by 10-15 minutes that too for a few days. If I tell her that she shouldn't spend so much time in Mandir when it is time for a breakfast or she may be required at home for a cup of tea, she made it as if I am "trying to take away her FREEDOM".  

Last time when Preeti didi's gudiya fell, I rushed to the temple to find her out and convey didi's message. I went inside the small temple and searched for her everywhere, she was not there. I waited for 15 minutes outside the temple and returned. She later said I would not have checked properly. When I later shouted, she said " Main kisi ko milne nahin gayi hui thi". 

Instead of shouting or quarreling I have adopted to stop talking for a few days whenever I am "highly irritated" from her remarks or allegations.

She went missing for an hour

In the latest incident Monday, she got late in getting ready and I left her at home for clicking sunset from the nearby Metro station, as the light was almost ending and I was to rush. When I returned after 15 minutes to pick her up and take to some other place, she was absent. For the next one hour (6.30 to 7.40 p.m. ) , I kept waiting for her to return. And, nobody knew about her. When I asked her where she was and why without telling anyone, she said she opted to spend time inside Mandir as she was feeling mentally disturbed! I asked why did she again went there despite it being late evening and my objections to it, she said "Kar lo , Kar lo ...Mujhe Qaid kar ke rakhna chahte ho"  

In another latest incident (Wednesday), she asked me to go to Income Tax department for some work. She said she wanted to enquire about something. I said "okay go early in the morning but dont' get late". I met her on the road when she was leaving. I asked her I could drop her to metro station or somewhere nearby. She said " nahin nahin aap jao, main apne aap Jaoongi" . It was 11.15 a.m.. She returned home at about 6.00 p.m. (5.45). I asked her why? She said: "Jaake puch lo main Sidhant C.A. se mili thi income tax department mein". I asked her but the income tax department was at ITO and it takes just 15 minutes on bike and 10-15 minutes on metro then what took her so long in a government department just to enquire one or two sentence from any officer? She said: "Main wahin thi" " Jaa kar puch lo".When I asked her in a shouting manner she said: "Ho sakta hai na mujhe aur bhi koi kaam ho". I said but how could it take "Seven hours!!!!" Pratibha's answer was: "Sare kaam ek kamre se nahin ho sakte, Ja kar pata kar lo mere bare mein I.T office se...jaise ke mere office mein pehle Guptchar lagaye they" 

I need to inform and ask you if I am wrong in asking about her whereabouts in such situations. What if tomorrow you will ask me why didn't you check if she did not return for so many hours? Why didn't you tell us she was provoking you or hiding so many things from you? 

Bhaiya, I bored you with all this stuff, because I want you to know it all. I am sure she still keeps reporting or cooking up stories to win "shaabashi" from her family (without letting anyone know about the reality). But the kind of "serial style" lifestyle she is fast adapting is quite dangerous for peace in a married life. 

She feels she has nothing to lose or there is nothing bad in being sent home till her family is supporting her. But trust my words, she is killing her own family life with such an attitude. 

And, please don't forget asking her when was the last time she cooked meal twice in a day.

Regards

Marriage, the biggest mistake of my life

Just a week ahead of one's second wedding anniversary, it feels most discomforting to write about the things that I am about to write today (June 22, 2012). 

It's 7.28 p.m. and Pratibha, my wife, has returned from office. Like any other day she is late and coming on the time decided by herself.

About four months back we quarrelled on this very issue over when she was expected by family to return home and by what time she could actually reach via three-wheeler instead of crowded buses. 

We had a long heated argument which went late into the night, with not just family members but neighbours being all ears to our loud noise. The quarrel had almost brought our marriage to the brink of separation.

I had almost made my mind that either she would live as per family or carry on using her tantrums and making fool of all by telling lies all the time. I even held a special meeting with her mother and briefed her what Pratibha was doing. Till that date, I had covered Pratibha’s weak points and everything she was doing form her family. I wanted her to improve herself in this family and become responsible person in married life.

The main reason for such a quarrel was triggered after I wished and requested her to return home by 7.15 p.m. I narrated her my circumstances and mumma’s health.

But she was adamant she couldn't reach before 7.30 p.m.. I told her since my mother requires her meal by 7.30 p.m. Pratibha, being the daughter-in-law should reach 15 minutes earlier than that. It was requested because I wanted my ailing mother should get the meal (two chapatis and a dal) made by my wife and not Bhabhi. 

This request was made after learning that Bhabhi has been preparing the evening meal almost on daily basis for Mumma, who requires this mini-size dinner before taking her medicine around that time. Her neurologist who has been treating her since she suffered a partial paralytic attack last year. 

Her attack had turned me nervous of losing her forever. Hence, I wanted to do whatever maximum I could manage to do within my means. I told about this to Pratibha that Mumma needed personal attention now onwards. Before that it was Mumma who was taking care of me for the last 35 years. 

Pratibha agreed to come by 7.15 p.m.. But she never stick to this time beyond three days of our argument and settlement. 

In Brief....(June 21)

Pratibha made it an issue that she was pointed out by Mumma over her habit of taking a glass of milk at night. As I was present on this occasion in the same room, I could see what happened and how it was conveyed, observed, and also how it was made up to sound like what …by both the sides.

Mumma said: Pratibha tenu keiya hai Dudh waste, phir wi tu samajh ni nahin hain....

Pratibha: Nahin Mumma, mein rakhti hun kal ke liye....

Mumma: Kithe hai...dikha mainu....fridge wich....dekh lai...nahin paya hai na....tenu kini war kaya hai....Savere layi thora jaya chad ditta kar.....je kise nu savere ...cha pini hoye te ....dudh nahin honda.....thora soch ke chalya kar....agale din wastey vi kuj sochya kar....

Pratibha: Mumma mujhe ye pasand nahin....aap jo roz roz ....mujhe doodh ke liye suna dete ho.....

Mumma: Maine tujhe pine se mana nahin kiya.....tujhe kaha hai ki agale din ke thora sa hai ya nahin....ye sochna bhi chahiye....beshak hor le ke aao....per agali subah da vi sochna chahiye......

Pratibha: Nahin nahin mummy main samajh gayi hoon....main apna doodh kal se le kar aa jaya karoongi....

Mumma: Dekh le ...baat ko doosri taraf le ja rahi hai....tu...maine kaha hai ki doodh lete waqat pehle dekh lena chahiye ki kal subah ke liye thora sa bacha hai ke nahin......

 About two weeks ago (around June 7, 2012)

Sandeep: Pratibha tu aaj kal kitne baje aa rahi...hai....

Pratibha: Sandeep ....lag bhag 7.30 p.m. ....

Sandeep: Per maine to tujhe last time 7.15 per aane ko kaha tha....aur isi ke liye itna Jhagra bh hua tha ….tere-mere beech….

Pratibha : Haan...per vo....Sandeep ......bus 10-15 minute ki to baat hai...

Sandeep: Baat 10-15 minute ki nahin hai....baat ye hai ke tujhe jo baat kahi jaati hai...tu use apni convenience ya marzi ke hisaab se ....define kar deti hai....waise ....kitne baje chutti hoti hai.....

Pratibha: 6.05 ya kabhi 6.10.....

Sandeep: Oks....aur kitna time lagta hai yahan three-wheeler se pahuchne mein....?

Pratibha: Dekho ji....Jhooth nahin bolungi.....lag bhag 7.00 baje tak to pahunch sakti hoon.....scooter per. ....

Sandeep: Nice. But as you know.....mujhe pata hai….ki…if someone takes a three-wheeler he or she can reach Malka Ganj from Rajouri Garden around 6.45 . Right?

Pratbiha: Haan...per nahin Sandeep ....auto nahin milta kai baar....thora sa insaan late ho sakta hai....Inderlok tak ka milta hai.....phir wahan se dubara lena parta hai....aap Isha, meri friend, se bhi pooch sake ho....

Sandeep: Pratibha....as you said....wo kabhi kabhi kabhi ho sakta hai...no issues…per kitni baar liya auto?…..Aur.phir bhi you can always comfortably reach home by 7.15....(jo ki aadha ghanta ...30 minute extra time hai according to your time of 7.00) .... to phir tu kyon nahin pahunch paati...??

Sandeep: Mujhe pata hain 40 minutes lagte hain…main to sava ghanta kaha hai….for practicality sake…

Sandeep : Waise ….main pehle bhi Tujhe samjhaya tha....ki jaise to subah....three-wheeler per 10.00 baje jaati hai.....waise hi aate waqat three-wheeler per aa jaya kar ....aur thik time per pahunch ja.....bus…koi problem hi nahin hogi…

Pratibha: Per Sandeep.....ab to aapne khana banane wali rakh li hai....ab kyon jaldi aane ko keh rahe ho....??

Sandeep: Maine tujhe kaha tha....ki Khana banane wali isiliye rakhi hai....ki main dekhna chahta hoon....tu time per pahunch bhi sakti hai ya nahin??? ...apna khana bhi bana sakti hai ke nahin?....apni normal homely duties kar sakti hai..ya nahin….

Pratibha: Per Sandeep...bus mein time lag jata hai....

Sandeep : Per maine to tujhe three-wheeler per aane ko kaha hai....bus mein to kaha hin nahin....

Pratibha: Per Sandeep aap bhi samjho.....agar main three-wheeler par roz roz aayi....to mere paas to kuch bache ga hi nahinnn....Mujhe Apne Bhavishya ke bare mein bhi to sochna hain…kal ko aapne chor diya…to mere paas to haath

Mein kuch hoga hi nahin…..

Sandeep: Matlab? ....arey jab subah jaate hue three-wheeler ka kharcha nahin feel hota, to aate hue kaise feel hota hai.....ab to tu jaldi so sakti hai.....main Ghar ka darwaza khud khol kar raat ko aata hoon....ab kaun late tak jaagne ko kehta hai.....and you still get late...in leaving for office in morning.....Is ke liye kharcha mehsoos nahin hota?

Sandeep: Aisa nahin lagta tujhe....ki....kyon ki jaate waqat three-wheeler teri requirement hoti hai.....isi liye uska Kharcha nahin chubhta.....per aate hue.....Ghar ki..family ki requirement hoti hai....isi liye...three-wheeler kha kharcha chubhta hai.....

Pratibha: Sandeep....per aap socho to sahi.....agar main dono time three-wheeler karoongi ...to mere paas bachega kya?? Mujhe Apne kal ke bare mein bhi to sochna hain....Dekho bura mat man na....per kal ko aapne mujhe chor diya.....to mere paas to apne haath mein kuch saving hogi hi nahin.....mujhe aapne kal ke liye bhi to kuch save karna hain na???

Sandeep: Really....to main Gadhe ka bachcha hoon....na.....jo apni puri salary ghar ke uppar kharch karta ja raha hoon...aur bank balance zero hota ja raha hai....mujhe to is hisab se sab se pehle ....Bhavishya ke baare mein sochna chahiye tha...Main to aise hi..apni poori ki poori salary khatam karta raha hoon.....

Pratibha: To kya ho gaya Sandeep.....aap to Aadmi ho.....ghar chalana to farz hai apka....

Sandeep: Sirf mera???? ..tera koi farz nahin hai......tujhe apne Bhavishya ki chinta karni hai....mujhe puri family ke bhavishya ki chinta karte hue kuch.....save nahin karna chahiye..?...main to saala paagal hoon....jo itni saari Naukraniyon per karch karta ja raha hoon.....Ghar per kharch kar raha hoon.......tujh per bhi kharch kar raha hoon.....kabhi ye laao… to kabhi wo.....Main to is hisab se Gadhe ka bacha ban gaya.....pichle do saal se....main to Salary kaaa pura amount …sab kuch khatam karta raha. ....Kabh Geyser..Kabhi Ghari..Kabhi…Music system…Kabhi…bahar dinners….Kahbi films…kabhi ye kabhi wo…...

Sandeep: Mujhe bhi sirf apne per kharch karma chahiye tha….

Pratibha: Per Sandeep......

Pratibha: Mujhe Pehle se pata tha....aap sab naukraniya chutwana chahte hona….....aur mujhe Ghar bitha ke kaam karana chahte ho....unki jagah.....

Sandeep: Per maine to aisa kuch nahin kaha…..maine to kabhi naukraniya lagawane ya chutane ki baat nahin kahin….tujhe….

Sandeep: Aura Ab tu….sun...Tere paida hone se pehle se naukraniyan kaam kar rahin hain yahan.......aur ab kyon ki tu aisa soch ti hai…isiliye sun……Tere Baad bhi  karti rahengi....samjhi.....

Main Chahta hoon aur …tujhe keh rahan hoon Ghar ki Jimmedariya samajh.....tujhe pata hona chahiye Sabzi kaisi khardi jaati hai...Tarbooz 10 Rupaye kiloo ho to ....Do killlo 400 gram kitne ka aayega kuch samajh aana chahiye...tujhe phele time par aakar....apni sabzi -daal banana aur Subah time per uthna....time per office jana  ....ye sab aana chahiye.....

Aur..tu keh rahi….hai ki main ye sab Naukraniyan chutane aur tujhe se kaam karane ke liye keh raha hoon.?????

Pratibha: Per ...main agar Ghar baith gayi....to Sandeep main to pagal ho jaoongi...saare din mein......Kya karoongi main sara din....

Sandeep: Ye Mumma aur Bhabhi …Jo ....Ghar per hote hain....wo pagal hain.....kya kar rahe hain...wo???

Pratibha: Per Sandeep.....unke pas reason tha....Bhabhi do mahine baad hi conceive  kar chuki thi....

Sandeep: To yaani ki....Jab jinke bachche na hon....wo ghar nahin baith te?

Pratibha: Main koi baanjh nahin hoon....Main bachche paida kar sakti hoon....

Sandeep: Maine to ye nahin kaha...maine kahan jab tak bachche na hon....tab tak ghar baithne se log pagal ho jaate hain kya???? Aur tu family badhane ko bol rahi hai.....tujhe kaha hai...basic knowledge acquire kar le ....kya tu bachcha bada kar sakti hai....use basics bhi padha sakti hai....? Ya…uske liye bhi Mayian (naukraniyan) rakhte jayenge?

Pratibha: ...Kya matlab hai aapka...main Gavaar nahin hoon....padhi hui hoon....

Sandeep: Tabhi to bola...hai.....tu abhi se Maiyoon per dependent hai.....apne room ki safai bhi Mai se karati hai....Drawing room ki dusting karne ke liye .....Sunday ki wait karti hai....Family badhne par kya karegi...???  Sabzi lene main abhi tak …gol hai….jo nahin leni wohi Chaant Chaant kar khareedne lagti hai….Tarbooz kitne kilo hai….aur kitne paise dene hai…(24 ki jabah 35 rupeye?)….Saat saal ka bacha tere saamne tujhe Tarbooz ke rate bata raha hai….aur calculate karke de raha hai….aur tu keh rahi hai….mujhe to apna Insurance ki knowledge hai….ye sabzi market mein kis kisko samjhaye gi.. (aur ye sab Shaadi ke do saal ke baad ka haal hai madam)

Pratibha: Acha…Sandeep acha …. Man lo…kal se agar main ghar baith jaati hoon......to pehle batao....mere liye kya kya karoge....???

Sandeep: Malab….

Sandeep:  Tere baap ne kabhi mummy ko list bana ke di hai.....kya kya main karoonga...agle paanch saal mein...tere liye?? Bhaiya ne bhabhi ko list di hai???? Phir mere se kaise pooch rahin hai tu???

Pratibha: Ab dekho ab aap gussa hote jaa rahe ho…..Acha ye batao....mere kharche...Mere kharche ...jaise Mobile ka bill....aur baki sab..mere kapre ....ye sab.....kya aap afford karoge…..

Sandeep: Mujhe pehle ye bata…...jab Ghar per hogi to mobile kis liye chahiye???? Jaise sab jite hain..waise ji nahin sakti….waise Har Mahine ...naye.Kapre kis liye chahiye honge???....Ghar main landline phone hai....jaise sab Use karte hain....waise tu bhi kar liyo....uska bill kya main nahin bharta ??? tu bhi Use hi use kariyo......

Pratibha: Per Sandeep.....

Sandeep: Na Pratibha Na....mujhe samajh aa raha....saala main to Gadhe Ka bachcha bana raha....Saare paise kharch kar diye....teri farmaishyon ke chakkar mein....Mujhe to tujh se pehle jodne chahiye they??? Bhavishya ke liye........Tu to kafi samajhdar bani yaar......apne liye jod rahi hain aur main Chutiya ban raha hoon......

Pratibha: Main kab farmaish ki hai.....Sandeep

Sandeep: Ye jo....kabhi....Nayi fridge .chahiye......Ghar mein.....Washing Machine honi chahiye.....Gadi honi Chahiye........ye sab jo Mumm ya Manushree aur doosron ke saamne kehti hai.....aur mere tak baat pahunch ti hai....wo sab farmaish nahin to aur kya hai.....Main to pagal hua....ek ek karke ....cheeze la rahan Ghar mein convenience badhane ke liye......

Pratibha: Per sirf mere liye kar rahe ho kya.....mujh per hi saara kharach ho raha hai kya???

Sandeep: Nahin...per teri farmaishon ke chalte ….main.....kharcha badhata ja raha hoon....tujhe time per aane mein dikkat thi....to Roti banane wali bhi rakh li.....ab tu kahe to ....dusting ke liye.....bhi aur Naukrani rakh leta hoon......bol..

Pratibha: Nahin..Sandeep maine to aisa nahin kaha.....

Sandeep: Main to bata rahan hoon....jab Kapre dhone wali hai...baratan saaf karne wali hai....Safai karne wali hai..Khana banane wali bhi hai....to tu kya karti hai??? Newspaper padhne ke liye bola to....apne liye bol raha hoon yaa tere liye.....General Knowledge ki Hindi mein book la kar di hai to teri intelligence badhane ke liye...ya apne liye....Osho ke lecture download kar ke laya…teri intelligence ke liye ya…??

Pratibha: Aisa karo mujh se paise lena chahte ho to.....lete kyon nahin....ho....

Sandeep: Acha….Jab tujhe Ghar par time par aane ke liye.....three-wheeler per paise kharch karne mein itni dikkat feel ho rahi hai......to tu Ghar ke liye paise degi?? wo bhi mujhe ??? Tujhe lagta hai...Main tujhe ye saab paise lene ke liye keh raha hoon…..main aise free ke ...haram ke paise loonga???..

Sandeep: Ruk jaa......dekh ise …ye cheque kis ke naam hai aur kitne ka hai???? Read it....damn it

Pratibha: Rs.20,000....Sandeep Datta..LIC Insurance

Sandeep: Ye mera nahin hai..Bhaiye ki kamayi ka hai.....mere naam aya hai...Insurance se.....meri mehnat ka nahin hai.....Thik.....ab dekh ise......(tearing the cheque into pieces)....ab kitne piece hue iske.....????

Sandeep: Dekh liya....mujhe jab apne bhai ke free ke paise nahin chahiyee......to main kya tere paison ke liye tujhe ye sab keh rahan hoon??? Wo bhi tab jab mere bhai .....to mujhe ek do saal mein ek baar sunayega......aur tuuu...tu..mujhe har minute mein....apna ek rupya bhi sunane wali bandi hai....main tere paise loonga???

Sandeep: Maine realise kar liye hai....main Gadha hoon....per main ab aur Gadha nahin banooga......you will sleep in the common room with all ....Mumma ke saath wale room mein...main bhi au tub hi soyenge…...ab se double cooler ya A/C alag alag jagah...nahin chalenge....Main bhi saving karoonga....mujhe bhi apne bhavishya ke liye sochna hai..

Pratibha: Thik hai...Sandeep kal se mein apne liye Sabzi alag se le aaoongi.........

Sandeep: Hey Bhagwan!!!.....ais hai....Sabzi nahin...tu apna Bijli , Paani ka connection bhi alag le......sab kuch alag le......

Pratibha: Mujhe nahin pata wo sab kahan se hota hai....

Sandeep: Main bata deta hoon....MCD office, civil lines mein apply kar......main samajh gaya hoon tera kuch nahin ho sakta....tu bus jaa is drawing room se....mujhe sochne de......mujhe ab apne Bhavishya ke baare mein sochna hai....main to sala Gadha nikla...meri biwi to bahut samajhdar nikali....apne kal ke liye pichle do saal se full salary jod rahi hai.....

Pratibha: Maine ek saal to paise diye hain...yahan...

Sandeep: Really!!! Kitne mahine baad roti yahan banani. ya..shuru ki thi...aur apni half salary (Rs.5,000) kab dene shuru kiye the aur kab taq....??? Thik se yaad hai....half year tha ya...full year?????

Pratibha: Sandeep anyways....acha..acha…main to kuch paise kabhi bhi..diye hi nahin….

Sandeep: Pratibha….tu ab  abhi bus mere saamne se jaa.....mujhe sochne de...mera dimag kharab hota ja raha hai…ye sab sun kar….bus tu ja apne room mein…..

My experience at IANS...

Oct 1, 2011

As I have spent last eight months in the Indo-Asian News Service, the initial experience,which was highly traumatic and nerve-shaking, has been overwhelmed by the joy of learning at this stage.

Irrespective of the initial experience at this media organisation, I feel I am enjoying this part which has pushed me to study and learn to get rid of my uninformed self. I believe this exercise should be a must for every aspiring journalist and even graduate.

One feels compelled to learn here is because "people here know", "people here question", but "people here can fuck you too anytime". One has to remain a student here and keep pushing the limit of knowledge to an unknown limit as a routine. There are many people here who have spent their lifetime or a big part of their professional life in journalism and hence can point out even the minutest mistake easily. It is not that these people don't commit blunder. They do so like any other human being but the way the keep themselves involved in and around useful subjects and sharing and improving silly mistakes, is actually worth experiencing at least once in one's journalistic life.

The best thing the environment here pushes you or inspire you for is to ENJOY LEARNING and TAKE WRITING and YOUR KNOWLEDGE SERIOUSLY.

Learning about one's country, neighbours, and the rest of the world is always beneficial and a great entertainment for any knowledge-seeker like me. My habit of collecting or knowing at least something by the end of the day is thoroughly satisfied here. I realised the value of learning here. I hope this is going to benefit me the rest of my life. What I avoided or failed to learn as 'basics' at school or college gets exposed and thus being taken care of hurriedly by myself.

Why and how knowledge is power can rightly be understood only after facing and realising consequences of not having it. I feel far more informed in actual way today than I used to when I joined IANS.

Among many other things, the organisation has made me learn a variety of things and its utilisation in everyday life of IANS and outside has boosted my confidence as a journalist and writer.

From taking home print-outs of specific and important subjects to studying and memorising them to ensure my respectful survival at IANS and after it, has been a great satisfaction so far.

I hope to make this style of living or learning integral part of my life. Thanks for MR Narayanswamy for all this.

My experience at IANS...

Oct 1, 2011

As I have spent last eight months in the Indo-Asian News Service, the initial scary and highly traumatic experience has been overwhelmed by the joy of learning at present.

Irrespective of the initial experience at this media organisation, I feel I am enjoying this part which has pushed me to study and learn to get rid of my uninformed self. I believe this exercise should be a must for every aspiring journalist and even graduate.

One feels compelled to learn here is because "people here know", "people here question", but "people here can fuck you too anytime". One has to remain a student here and keep pushing the limit of knowledge to an unknown limit as a routine. There are many people here who have spent their lifetime or a big part of their professional life in journalism and hence can point out even the minutest mistake easily. It is not that these people don't commit blunder. They do so like any other human being but the way the keep themselves involved in and around useful subjects and sharing and improving silly mistakes, is actually worth experiencing at least once in one's journalistic life.

The best thing the environment here pushes you or inspire you for is to ENJOY LEARNING and TAKE WRITING and YOUR KNOWLEDGE SERIOUSLY.

Learning about one's country, neighbours, and the rest of the world is always beneficial and a great entertainment for any knowledge-seeker like me. My habit of collecting or knowing at least something by the end of the day is thoroughly satisfied here. I realised the value of learning here. I hope this is going to benefit me the rest of my life. What I avoided or failed to learn as 'basics' at school or college gets exposed and thus being taken care of hurriedly by myself.

Why and how knowledge is power can rightly be understood only after facing and realising consequences of not having it. I feel far more informed in actual way today than I used to when I joined IANS.

Among many other things, the organisation has made me learn a variety of things and its utilisation in everyday life of IANS and outside has boosted my confidence as a journalist and writer.

From taking home print-outs of specific and important subjects to studying and memorising them to ensure my respectful survival at IANS and after it, has been a great satisfaction so far.

I hope to make this style of living or learning integral part of my life. Thanks for MR Narayanswamy for all this.

A unforgettable honeymoon

People always say it takes about one or two year to adjust to some extent with your life partner. I always accepted that as a funny remark thinking it may not be applicable to a self-proclaimed stud in relationships like me. I have been proved wrong and foolish for having assumed so.

As my married life started from the request of changing the honeymoon programme, I noticed first stupidity of Pratibha who did not reveal about problem of monthly periods to me. The very day when I had finalised our honeymoon schedule in Kashmir, with the help and obligation of a very senior journalist, I had to cancel it. It was quite embarrassing for me to first ask for its cancellation and then on having joined my office the third day of marriage. I had no option as I could afford to waste my hard-earned offs for no reason by staying back at home.

I faced a lot of remarks. But my wife never realised how embarrassing time I had to face at office among girls and senior journalists and especially the boss.

She refused to make love as she had vowed to first visit the Vaishno Devi shrine and only after that do it properly. I somehow tried my best not to do it fully. It was decided that after visiting the holy shrine we will start our honeymoon from Dharamshala cottage. It's a scenic place and with the monsoon season the surrounding turned pleasand beyond expression. The breeze, the fog, the green cover of the giant mountains around our huge cottage added to the pleasant mood and most awaited phase of life.

But on the very evening we reached the cottage in Dharamshala, she turned out to be a deaf person. She started making all sorts of silly reasons for not beigg able to listen to my words. She feigned being over occupied in thoughts to listen carefully what I was saying. Initially I felt she was not listenly to me purposefully. Later, I felt she couldnot listen. I asked her, she said nothing serious. But all the time she would listen only when I would shout.

There was an incident which proved that I had genuine doubts. A room boy came to ask for the order for dinner. Ours was a small room, barely 10 by 8. There was only one bed and an almirah in it. I was sitting on the bed and she was doing something in the almirah. The roomboy came and he was standing in our middle. She was barely five feet away from me. I called her once, twice and thrice. The last time my voice was a little louder. She turned around and gestured whether I was calling her!! I was shocked so was the room boy who was barely two feet behind her and faced towards me. I was shocked but I smile and let him go.

Then I asked her about the reality. She said there is no truth in her deafness. It was simply some problem 'perhaps' . I believed her foolishly on the pretext that the first thing she would do is to visit a doctor in Delhi on return. She agreed. But my mood had spoiled as I was in full doubt that I had been perhaps ditched by her family.

On the very next morning, we tried to make love. She responded as if I was about to kill her. She feared pain which hadn't yet occurred. It was the pain of pleasure. I was irritated. It continued the whole time during our entire honeymoon. She didn't let me in properly and kept acting fearful of that same pain, perhaps every girl on this planet waits for to begin her married life with.

I decided to enjoy the trip as a pleasant visit instead of love making trip. I turned the nature of our visit to various places like Dharamshala, the Dalai Lama Temple , One nearby Shiva temple, Chamunda Devi temple in Himachal, the Golden Temple in Amritsar and return journey. She was delighted to see that I was taking her to every place safely and without much discomfort, if not with the best possible comforts. I think she had had a dream of travelling by plane to Jammu for Vaishno Devi and travelling by air conditioned private cabs at rest of the places. I took her by local transportaion to let the enjoy the actual feel of local places. I was disappointed to see, she had no charm for that just like I had. She just kept complaing for air conditioner bus or luxury every now and then and I pulled her at times for that.

We returned to Delhi having completed an overall nice honeymoon trip. She looked happy having visited so many places as a surprise from a person of my limited means. She was impressed with my links which she least expected from me. All she knew that only her family could make her trips pleasant. Throughout the honeymoon trip, she kept briefing her mother about our every movement. I didn't object and took it in good spirit. Anyways after about a week, we were finally back to Malka Ganj, our place in Delhi.

To avoid spoiling the moment I somehow tried to forget that I have a suspected deaf person in my life. Any how my worst fears came true, when she once admitted naively in my study room she deserves a compliment for having let her husband know such a big hidden thing so easily! (Arrey dekha kitni smart hun main ...itni badi kaan se na sunne ki baat kaise coney bhi kar di aur chupa bhi li!!).

I was stunned to hear her disclose all this before me so disgustingly boastfully. Little did she realise, she lost my trust forever by betraying me.

Regards

Chaudhary Sandeep Datta

As I complete my first year of anniversary on June 28, 2011.......

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man.” : Socrates quotes (Ancient Greek Philosopher, 470 BC-399 BC)

It is quite distressing to notice my wife having turned so much money-minded and over critical of me that I have started losing interest in her presence in my life.

Her over-mouthing, loud-mouthing and ill-mouthing has turned me off. She seems to be building her support group while tarnishing my reputation in my family among my loved ones. She wants me to earn for our future but keeps putting more and more demands for new things. Her sarcastic way of putting her demands or getting things done is only taking her to the end of her married life at least with me.

Pratibha's fascination towards everything new or the attitude of replacing everything older at my home with new are very irritating. She wants to change everything as per her desire.

The most tragic thing is she is going all around stating "Khud kama rahi hoon, khud kha rahin hoon" . Her frequency of cribbing about me or the existing circustances is being noticed by each of my family member. And, she is soon going to be in serious trouble. The kind of positive image she managed to build with my open admiration of her abilities or nature, she has started ruining it all quite fastly.

She is getting tips and using them stupidly in our house. It was shocking to learn how she once told one of my family members that her mother has asked her to keep me, her husband, under her feet!

Pratibha has started throwing tantrums and cribbing. She thinks now everyone loves her so much that she would be supported despite everything.

She knows it very well how she has betrayed me. She is gaining an image of being a 'Be-imaan' girl in my eyes. Her deafness is something that will keep on pushing me away from her. She doesn't understand she is losing her image before me and family with each passing day.

She thinks by getting a child from her married life despite avoiding treatment for deafness and by leaving her job, she acted quite smartly. She doesn't know what's coming her way and that too suddenly.

I wonder how this same woman ran from pillar to post for seeing a doctor for pregnancy checkup but never found any doctor to get herself treated for deafness. I wish she knew this guy knows it all and just observing her every moment of her life.

I had placed her in a position where everyone would like her instead of Rekha bhabhi but Pratibha seems to have resolved to suffer a shocking future full of solitude and hatred.

Her approach of comparing facilities being available to her (within her husband's means) with the kind of facilities being available to her elder sister and friend pooja or cousin is ruining her personal life. She is turning impossible with each passing day and in her expectations.

Be it the demand for car, my new job, more money, comparison with my brother’s luxurious life, irritation from my simple dressing style, hatred from my journalistic career, shift system, wish of removing my painting from drawing room, breaking of my office’ precious gift, consistent demand of opening her juicers or other things, demanding to take charge of my life and bank and all other things—are only making her spoil her personal image or value in my life.

Her leaking of even talks related to our sexual life to her mother showed her level of stupidity to the maximum limit. Recently, on the day of completing our day of engagement she wished me and completed her sentence saying : “Kahin muh mat marna” are some of the examples that have made me lose trust and interest in her.

She is going to burn her married life by own hands.

Keeping her politics, criticism, illogical demands, careless attitude at home, comparisons with others' lives, and reporting to mother or others related to her will compell me shift my interest from her to other things, perhaps other individuals. It would be tragic to find our child taking birth in such an environment under such a stupid and dishonest mother's care.

It is quite disturbing and strange as well to see how she always without exception fails to understand my acts of affection or love. If I buy her anything, she would thing it is my duty.

If I take her out, she would feel I would have some purpose behind it. If I listen to her with patience for a few days, she would take me for granted and use foul or illiterate people's vocabulary with me. If I inform her that I would be coming late, she would say 'certainly you would be dating someone'. If I tell her to be careful so that nobody could expose her for her mistakes, she would ignore it as silly suggestion. If I taken her out for movie or at any place, she would start comparing in her mind or even blurt it out to me how her friend or relative's husband take care of their wives. If I ask her to work and turn intelligent and be prepared as an up to date lady in my social circles, she would think I am trying to push her to work for 'her fucking money'.

I just pray her so called advisers soon realise that they are teaching her all those things which she is applying wrongly and stupidly. And, second thing is her husband is observing her every clever move and demand and words now with suspicion! And, very soon she could be with them forever with such over smart approach with her own husband who simply wishes her to turn a better non-selfish and nice human being.

One serious thing she is forgetting in her mind is that if this person can love her, he can very well leave her forever. And, she will have only herself to blame for this disaster in her married life. I fear that time is coming quite fast in her life due to her 'well wishers' and her personal over smartness in personal life.

Regards

Chaudhary Sandeep Datta

Pratibha irritates with her ignorance and non-understanding

I am very much peeved at my family's response to my probability of joining IANS. None of them, particularly Pratibha, is in a condition to understand the influence of such a new job will have on my journalistic carer.

Call it her ignorance or anything, she just wants me to continue with the present job, as it's 'less demanding'.

Yesterday, I had to lecture her for half-an-hour over this issue. I felt very agitated on noticing that there is pall of gloom that has overtaken her mood, as if I am going out of this world on an expedition. She feels I will go away from her with the new job, as it will require my presence on odd hours of the day at times.

She is not able to understand just like a fish dies when brought out of the river the same way a writer cannot live without writing and a journalist would lose interest in life and surrounding if he is to live out of journalitic work for long.

I feel very very disturbed on such a response coming from my wife. She is totally disheartened. Thankfully, her elder sister has started to understand what it would mean to stay out of journalism that too for a contractual job of six months.

Pratibha wants me to be available for her always. No matter whether we quarrel over silly issues or I have live in wait for her just like I have done in this last one-and-a-half month period at MDNIY.

She doesn't understand the worth of being a journalist and the value of being 'nobody' in the crowd.

Yesterday (Dec.28,2010), we completed six months of our marital bliss. But I had to do some straight talk to my affectionate wife.

We were to visit Lord Hanuman temple for our Tuesday-visit. On noticing her face so saddened, I had to ask and lecture her about my basic nature, personality and dedication to writing.

Even though I hate talking about myself, but had to do the same yesterday. I chose to make things quite clear to her so that there is no scope of any ambiguity in her mind henceforth.

I said, "I have chosen a field for taking up tough things. Even if I manage to learn one form of writing , I would be instinctly inclined to learn something new and better. After one platform, despite the financial rewards being satisfactory or not, I would always wish for higher platforms of writing. This is my basic nature to try hard and endure pain for excellence in life. "

"I have never wished to be ordinary but extraordinary performer in every pursuit of life. I am after knowledge and excellence and not satisfaction of any ordinary person who aims to lead a simple life."

I had to mention that her husband, that's me, has set himself tough goals and aims to enjoy the satisfaction of rising high and making a splash all around.

But all she wishes is just a decent amount of salary and my availabity for her outings or enjoyments. I felt highly fed up with this attitude.

My dilemma and family....

Strange but true that I am faced with a strange dilemma in personal life over joining a coveted job of working at the foreign desk of IANS. None of my family members want me to join the new job and stay in the present one. They feel this five days a week job is the best thing.

They don't wish to think about contractual six-month job and the increasing stupid work profile and pressure. None of them is interested in making a note of the very fact this is non-journalistic job.

They don't realise the importance of working on Foreign Desk that too in a reputed news agency like IANS. They are very much scared with the shift system in IANS. I have informed that the new job will involve working 8 to 4 p.m. , 4.00 p.m to 12.00 midnight. and 12.00 a.m. to 8.00 a.m. . They concern is valid but they don't understand it could be quite useful for my career graph.

All of my seniors have asked me to jump and grab this opportunity.My family, including wife, doesn't understand the importance of getting back Journalist's tag and living without it. They view everything as just a JOB.

Thank God you made me quit ANI on a good note......

Yes, I quit Asian News International (ANI) finally on Nov.15, 2010. That was my last day there.

I was in a doubt, whether I would ever be able to see or imagine myself living beyond working at ANI ever. My decision surprised many of my well-wishers as they learnt that I quit to join as media consultant at Morarji Desai National Inst. of Yoga (under Depart. of AYUSH), Ministry of Health.

It felt surprising also because I opted to not explore or utilise the available options of working in TV channels or rival News Agency and even Economic Times!) I know I disappointed many a people as much I disappointed the journalist in me. But , at the same time, my decision did delight all those who knew about the untenable circumstances I was working in for such a long time.

It will not be complete truth, if I said that I changed it for the sake of new opportunity. Rather, I left ANI as it had been consistently getting into my nerves.

The kind of intense stress and third-grade politics was killing me inside. I remember how on the very day I joined office on the third day after marriage, an emergency meet was convened to target me. It was a well-planned meeting to reflect an easily readable political trap for me.

I was told that my evening shift, that I did for over a year consistently, couldn't be changed in any circumstances. Even my weekly off, which was easily possible, could not be changed. It simply meant that no matter what my personal life was going to be affected henceforth. My bastard boss lacked humaneness when he mentioned the new rules of 'no change in shifts', exculively for me. I was told the evening shift meant for those who were not good writers. It was adding insult to injury for a person who had been writing on daily basis in last seven years without a break.

All this was a bastard act of Praful, an average Bihari journalist whose claim to fame is nothing beyond "Mere Bhaiya President ki security ke incharge hain". He colluded with Ashok DickShit to target me so that he could escape the hardship of evening shift.

My classification in the poor writers' category was quite hurtful. It was all the more surprising to everyone, as I am known for my writing among all.

It is worth mentioning here about the work profile I was assigned in ANI to evaluate my worth for Print Media section of ANI. In the last five years, I was made the sole incharge of Feature stories of ANI's print media section, the incharge of late evening shift happened two years ago. On the last day, as an ANI employee, my profile comprised being responsible for Jammu and Kashmir's stories, North East stories, Jharkhand, Chhattisgarh stories, writing Ministry of External Affairs's Exclusive Feature stories, handling all political, and international stories related to President, Prime Minister, and External Affairs Minister's foreign visits, Sports (Commonwealth Games's opening ceremony and closing ceremony related all stories). Even though my sincerity and dedication to my work without complaint, despite everything, had earned me respect gradually from Ashok Dick-Shit, the very man I hated the most all these years, but I was too anguished with the politics as had been played in the recent past here that I wanted to quit even for peanuts.

Ashok and Praful had joined hands in Harami Giri (the bastard act of putting resonsiblity on others) for the sake of just 'Daru ki Bottle' (a bottle of whisky).

But I have no ill-will for the great organisation, the ANI, that offered me an opportunity to explore the hidden writer in me. It was quite a privilege to work upon a variety of subjects. Various forms of writing required for them were gradually developed in me. It was initially, like in all writing jobs, much to do with adapting the right formats and stuffing relevant information in that. Later, it turned quite interesting exploration of style of presentation with words and placements of additional or relevant information to every writing piece. The whole credit for enabling me to write to my fullest potential goes to I.Ramamohan Rao, the Editior-in-Chief, the person I directly reported to. The immediate boss, Ashok Dixit, was a dampenor always. His job has always been to keep others demotivated like himself.

Ashok Dixit, my immediate boss and News Editor, threw a farewell lunch for me at a fantastic hotel in Green Park and my main boss that I respected the most all these years, Mr. I. Ramamohan Rao, threw another farewell party at the renovated Karnataka Sangha, in R.K.Puram after two days. The gesture of both the bosses touched my heart immensely. It was a farewell worth remembering forever for its sincere gesture. Honestly stating, I least expected it !.

Regards
Chaudhary Sandeep Datta

After all it’s all about two square meal

The elderly suggest that a woman should cook and serve food with peace in mind to keep one’s family delighted. Perhaps, most of the modern-day women need to learn this basic thing.

I have recently come across such a woman in my life. She knows how best to get ‘please don’t do this for me as I will do it myself’ sentence from my mouth and then make it an official line forever. With each passing incident like the latest one, I have realised the reasons why individuals stop loving their better halves and think beyond marriage and start focussing on other pursuits.

On Oct.28, it will be four months to my marriage. I remember one of the most compelling reasons to get married was to have someone who could take car of my meals.

I had literally starved myself for months since my beloved mother turned bed-ridden. Doctors observed she had met with mild brain stroke, which if repeated can turn into paralytic attack. The winter season posed a big challenge for me to protect her at any cost.

I tried my best. Sometimes by changing chicks to prevent unbearable chill to come inside her bedroom, making sure she has room heater kept on most of the time without bothering about electricity bill, ensuring she gets a vegetable in the afternoon which should not contain onion, as she has been pure vegetarian all her life.

But, personally, it was quite difficult for me to take care of my daily food. Often I would return late at night and there will be no dinner available, as the neighbourhood eateries or local Dhabas would close after 11.00 at night. In the afternoons, my lunch was limited to samosa and tea. It’s been actually quite nightmarish all these months for me. The office colleagues would point out : “Sir, why don’t’ you get married at the earliest and I gave up after a few months and decided to marry.”

My cousin and mentor came across a family during a matrimonial alliance meet. And, I was delighted he approved one girl ‘suitable’ for our family and more importantly, me.

Without bothering about her average looks, I decided after my 15-minute private conversation that she could be my life partner if she gives her nod after learning about my lifestyle as I sincerely narrated to her in brief.

I remember it was one of the biggest battle that I fought to have myself married with grace despite my elder brother and his wife’s incooperation and enemy-like role during the whole process till wedding day.

I don’t know but whenever I would feel dejected or disheartened I would assure myself once she was in my life, the happiness would come with her companionship.

But the irritation which started right from the first day, though thankfully at small scale. But the more she is trying to be a bit ‘smart’ , the more cautious and distant I am turning from her.

Yesterday’s experience when she reflected her compulsion to serve food at night to my best friend, who is chiefly responsible for her presence in my life, I was shocked and utterly disappointed from her.

I shouted like a mad man, as I couldn’t believe such a woman is related to me and I am having food from her hands all these days. Instead of viewing it as joy to be able to serve food , instead of properly cooking, for me, she is doing it as ‘compulsion’ . I realised it yesterday. What an unfortunate man I am that I have someone in my life who has such views for those who have been so faithful and caring to me for so many years much before she entered my life.

I am quite disturbed to notice instead of making a bigger space in my life, she is becoming a person worth observation for her ‘tricks’ or ‘tantrums’.

On the issue of food, I would say it’s quite difficult to enjoy food if served with compulsion by someone.

My marriage, a disappointing beginning of a new phase of life


The honeymoon period seems to have ended much earlier that I intended it to stretch. I had plans to educate my wife on the careful way and restraint approach that she would require to carry on with me in family and before all.

I remember I told everyone in family and the Khandan that they shouldn't go on looks but the kind of a special being I have selected in her. I termed her 'very impressive and adjusting sounding girl' who has the temperament and comes from a family culture that teaches her to take care of Everyone as an affectionate family member with my cooperation and protection for her mistakes every time.

Her overexcited statements to sound friendly or cheerful, I feel, are being looked upon as acts of a loving, affectionate and deeply respecting individual by our family. I can notice how they welcome her and listen to her with a smile.

But as I believe in looking at near future and the time which is bound to come with our present acts. I know she has deep regret for marrying a person with not so high salary and lost in his own world of self esteem or hollow ego. Perhaps, marrying a richer person who was less understanding and educated or caring could have been tolerable for her.


Though I am quite satisfied with her affection for me and developing of actual love for me so far, but it's her silly acts that agitate me beyond control. I feel very very saddened after shouting like an 'animal' at his prey but she invites it everytime. It actually hasn't affected me too much that she is slow learner in bed. I can understand her struggle in this from her point of view and accept that it's completely my responsibility to train her. And, soon I will. But I can least tolerate becoming an OPEN BOOK for any damn person on earth.

A big satisfaction is that she is winning my mother and sisters' affection but I know once she gets exposed by her own acts or over spokenness, she would make even a joke of her husband besides her.

Her childishly selfish reaction on handing over salary to Mumma showed her hidden self in very poor light to me. She was told before marriage that the extra salary is required to help create comfort in family and she would thus be needed to work. Perhaps, she has taken her as if she would work and earn for herself. I wonder what if, after marriage.

I see her nervousness when she talks 'money' money money if not in words, anymore, but in acts and greedy eyes towards 'luxurious things' in others' possession. I know I am wrong in expecting the same feeling of self-reliance or 'on my guts' to earn or win anything in life is just too much of asking from a person of such personality.

By the end of every argument, I end up feeling exhausted in mind. Especially when I realise I was actually preaching a person 'who simply cannot understand being very narrow-minded. Her hearing impairment is turning a serious concern for me. And, she doesn't know that it can spoil her charm in my eyes forever because of that.



I decided to write to her....a day previous to completing three months of marriage........and here the letter explains the experience.....

Having felt utterly disappointed and shocked with Pratibha, I decided to maintain distance from her. I intend to make our relation 'not so friendly', as over closeness of last three months has made our association a bit too open of a relation to entertain anyone wishing to have a hearty laugh.

Having tried my best to protect her in last three months from becoming a laughing stock in my family, as she is alien to what matters and what doesn't matter to our family members. She has a greediness to have what others have, and fails to realise the importance and value its presence in life. Her lifestyle is of any

I meant what I said. You don't deserve friendly approach in our relation, as it involves sharing many things in privacy. But I have noticed you lack that maturity to retain things to yourself.

It remains a lifetime shock to me that things related to our sexual life have been shared with mother in law and sister threadbare. Had it been anyone he could have dropped you immediately at home and advised you to share as much as you wished to. But it was my mistake that I trusted such a person again and shared many things, thinking she would learn that a husband and wife's talks or habits or acts are not shared in public or among family members too seniors or juniors to him.

I have tried my best so far to sound an irritating person but save you from public mockery in long term. But with the latest act you have shown that you are basically A STUPID, who feels despite being a married person and aged well past 30 her words will not be taken seriously by anyone.

For the first time since Bhaiya's marriage I looked an idiot before Bhabhi and kids, who noticed that this so called 'responsible and mature' person could not properly train his wife how to conduct herself in family. She goes kiddish and turns a joke for all with her silly or credulous behaviour equal to children, even when she is related to someone who is most reserve in family.

What Sharada Bhabhi told you about 'moti wandey hon ge zaroor' was a compliment (though I don't deserve it) that showed how much your husband has been valued before marriage by relatives and why.

You haven't realised your role and basic conduct after officially being associated to me. You have not realised the day you married you are taken seriously and keenly observed for every word and act.

Failing to take up responsibilities at home, has already given you an awkward introduction. But your growing silly acts and statements 'Bhabhi ka angan' , or words like 'Bhukhi', 'ridiculous' or physical ailments like having hearing problem are beginning to create long term problems for you. I don't know about others, they may be lenient towards you for a longer time or accept you with that forever, but that's not possible with me.

Yes, having her in my life is actually a differnt joy. I am trying my best to prepare her for everything and everyone which may otherwise prove quite difficult to handle or deal with otherwise.

I wish to save her for any eventuality in the circumstances at my home, which require a careful approach in one's conduct and utterances. As I have been a reserved fellow in general and quite assertive on certain occasions, my better half requires to guard her conduct for obvious reasons.

I feel sorry to observe but she has to be quite watchful in her utterancs in particular. Her pet word is 'disgusting', she always keeps her mind busy with the thougts of 'air conditioner', car, MONEY, MONEY and more MONEY.

She is yet to learn the maturity what should be or shouldn't be revealed about her husband. Plus, she has a habit of hiding things from me, which I expose bitterly when I feel like. SHe is fearful of Bhabhi and her dangerous politics.

The more she feels 'free' before anyone, the more she tends to commit another blunder to invite criticism or laughter.

Well, she is a late riser. Till date (Sep.9, 2010), what she cooks is barely enough for one person or two for breakfast. She cooks sukhe aloo, manchurian, corns. That's it. She cooks chapati for me in the evening. But on Sundays, I think she cooks Dal, which I don't eat as I never eat Dal while Rajma Chawal are available.

So far this is the reality. I have mentioned this to her once quite strongly. But she says she needs time to take up entire responsibilty for food, as she is 'NEW'.

But I believe partialy i am also guilty, as we sleep around 2.00 or 3.00. But now I am changing that sleeping time, as it gets very exhaustive and sleep for no reason. I ahve to go to computers almost everyday to satisfy me ultimately.

Aug.2, 2010

I am surprised at my surprise to notice what an individual of our family is doing to my married life. May be it is the timing which led to my surprise. It was Sunday morning when I took Pratibha to buy raincoats. As she was to start her official routine from Monday onwards, I decided to take her to Azad market and buy raincoat. On return journey, she requested me to take her to Ridge area, as she had heard a lot about it before marriage.

I find it quite nice demand, as it would also take me to a place full of greenary all around in a rainy weather. Both of us were soon in the ridge area of Delhi University. She enjoyed every moment as I felt she would.

As we entered Delhi University's Jawahar Vatika adjoined with teh universtiy ground, she revealed me something quite important. She took my promise not to reveal it anyone but to keep it all to myself. I 'promised'. She narrated how Bhabhi has been poisoning her mind by talking about our family and particularly me. She has been critical of me and blamed me for 'ill treating' her in the past. She mentioned a lot in praise of her husband and how 'happy' she was with her husband. The silly things like daily juices and 'very caring' approach of her husband for her were narrated in detail. She was critical of me and Chanchal, my widow sister, for ill treating her. And, she also mentioned that me and my elder brother, her husband, are actually very hard to deal with. She narrated that she had almost all the luxuries of the world and was thus very very happy. She said that her husband and herself were of the opinon that Sandeep has got a nice wife in Pratibha by chance and were surprised over it. She expressed her concern and tried to prick her for being a working woman and also a housewife. She said she should carry on working till she could manage and take care of her instead of what family or husband thinks.

Bhabhi told Pratibha that there is no more possibility of any new construction work or change taking place inside the house and she should forget all that from Sandeep's side. She mentioned that a lot of money has been spent on the marriage. And, that her husband has told her once that he has collected enough money to even take care of even Sandeep's children. Like a typical, mother in law, Bhabhi pulled her that she has been gifted with two jewellery sets from her mother's side and the in laws (Sandeep's family) could only gift her with one jewellery set. Bhabhi tried to provoke Pratibha's mind with all this knowing very well that Sandeep intends to keep her away from such stupid matters and lead a quality life.

Bhabhi knows it well that she is playing a trick to spoil my personal life, as she along with her four sisters have already done to first wife of her elder brother in Tilak Nagar.


I felt very pleased with my beloved wife for confiding in me and revealing all that to me. I narrated her how Bhabhi is trying to poison her new inning of married life. I told her she is playing her move of the chessboard. It's nothing but hardcore family politics where she intends to spoil my married life, just like she has done in her brother's life. I told her that it is nothing but because I rejected her niece whom she wanted to marry off with me. She wanted me to obey her diktats and let her live her own chosen way. She wanted maximum freedom to roam around without any family restrictions and set her own rules. Bhaiya has been a poor guy in all this as he doesn't have the guts to control her. I believe she is taking advantage of his some 'big' weak point that she may have observed recently. She is jealous like her husband (my brother) and suffering from inferiority complex for a long time from me. And, everything is being done to create differences and unsettle my life.

But I couldn't tell her that Bhabhi's both brothers have a seriously troubled life with the eldest one facing complaints from her second wife before crime against women cell. He has been booked for beating his wife with iron rods.

Off and on Bhabhi complains to us that Bhaiya wants dowry! And how laughable matter this is because Bhaiya has amassed so much money from his textile business that he can purchase his family not just once but five times. We chose her from a poor family and accepted her with grace but now she is showing her true colours after 10 years of marriage.

She wants my room at the ground floor for her children's study room. It is demand to actually make me vacate a room so that she could enjoy full rule at the ground floor without hindrance or being inspected by anyoen. And, I AM DETERMINED NOT TO LET HER DO SO AT ANY COST!

The biggest joy is me and my wife are realising her intentions and turning extra careful about her designing character. Bhabhi is doing a hara-kiri, a Japanese way of suicide. She is all set to lose entire family's affection. I just want my wife to win hearts of my family, as she will not have to compete with anyone for being more considerate. All she has to do is to be a bit more careful in her words and develop an affectionate approach.

Regards
Chaudhary Sandeep Datta

One month of my marriage....

On July 28, I completed one month of my marriage and living together with my better half Pratibha. Thankfully, by the grace of God, it was Ok with her.

She has been affectionate, careworn and loving all these days. The honeymoon is actually a superb thing, I realised it after spending a week with her. Most of the experienced people would tell skipping this most awaited period of married life can prove disastrous to carry on with any woman who has married you. I didn't take much time and planned it very carefully. It was planned quite minutely to avoid any major discomfort. Many experienced individuals and local natives' personal advise was sought to keep it a smooth and joyful journey.

I remained quite focussed to keep it blunder-free, the errors were acceptable. I was quite focussed to 'what' next' throughout the trip and hence enjoyed only after reaching at any place. My concern remained her saftey and comfort. She thought I was not showing involvement. But I knew my mental occupation with work to do was vital and her expectations were natural 'wishes' of a newly married girl.

Both of us kept observing each other in real way. I felt she was intelligent enough to observe me broadly. My moody-self and short temperament was something I wanted her to witness besides the romantic person in me. I also showed her my tastes as a nature lover, photographer and religious person. I believe she noticed that her husband could actually take care of her and was equally religious-minded as she is. She liked my religious side of personality.

However, more than anything we got a big chance to know each other and introduce each other by our nature to an extent. I presented myself as a moody and angry man who would object to everything going off the plan or basic mannerism or respect of a husband. She took me as a boy friend whom she could talk the way she wanted to. I made her clear, this is 'HUSBAND'. I felt it was needed to keep things going off limits in next few days after returning home.

I found her caring but quite casual in many things. She looked to be a child brought up with a bit too much 'don't worry' approach. I tried to make her feel that she needed to be quite attentive and hold responsibility about what happens due to what she does casually. For instance, her taking too much time to be ready irritated me the most.

However, these days I am struggling to make her bring some changes in her way of life, as she begins her actual life with a person of my tastes and lifestyle. At times she raises her tone and I have to silence her a bit harshly. Her obession for Air Conditioned environment and dream to CHANGE me has faded.

But God knows that I am trying to apprise her of all possible mistakes or silly acts that may make her become a laughing stock in our family or my social circle. Being aware of what is required in our family or social circle, it is my duty to keep her alarmed about every act.

At times, Pratibha understands. But most of the time she is arguing with me without even listening to me completely. I have found her carrying a baggage of negative experience as lived by others in the past at her parents' side.

She has a bad habit of interrupting in mid-way and hence faces my tough talk. She has a number of strange habits and thus faces my flak.

Like most of the time, even during honeymoon, I told her not to use "Tu" for me, as I was not any junior friends of hers or boy friend. She is yet to overcome her this habit. Many a times I have asked her not to express her care as if I am a school kid seeking mummy's feed or care. I have conveyed her to just control her behavior from looking stupidly caring towards me. Her slightly deafness has shocked me and I want it to be treated immediately. I just fear it should not be permanent or a fact kept secret from me. Had the latter fact proved a truth, I would feel Cheated.

Her high pitch in talking to me or talking back to me is something I find quite disturbing and will make her mend herself. Unfortunately, almost everyday she has to face my rough side,But I am also trying to be tolerant and adjustable to a new person and her strangeness in attitude. I was shocked to see today that an MBA by education person would avoid reading even one news in the newspaper and would cling it for 'horoscope' or bollywood gossip age, known as Page 3.

Frankly, I felt I have got somebody with very ordinary intellectual tastes. I hope she will understand value of my tastes and at least give me my space to carry on with them without getting 'shocked' or 'ignorant' of its significane in an inquisitive journalist's life.

I am taking time to understand that now i am joined by someone in personal life, where I have never allowed anyone to enter.

And, many other things that I feel I need to realise at the earliest is 6.00 p.m. means 7.00 and being ready at the earliest dose means after 45 minutes, having my breakfast means 40 minutes of just eating and unwantedly smiling instead of the previous 10 minutes of gobbling food and flipping through newspapers in complete silence.

My Honeymoon.......


Well!! I am back in Delhi after seven days (July 9 to 15,2010) of honeymoon, the most awaited phase of a man and woman's life after marriage. After having cancelled twice for Jammu and Kashmir, I finally headed to Vaishno Devi in Jammu and Himachal in place of Kashmir, the heaven on earth.

Interestingly, we had to pre-pone it by 12 hours due to Ambala flood situation and the train journey was changed into bus journey. Thankfully, it was by Volvo! We reached Katra, the base camp for Vaishno Devi pilgrimage. We stayed at Durga Hotel for short stay, as we were a bit late for relaxing for two-three hours at the Shrine Board's room. It's called short stay. We finally landed in Durga Hotel, the oldest and biggest hotel, located opposite to Jewels, the ultimate place for fresh, clean, and quality food. It’s any gourmet’s delight.

We left for the ultimate pilgrimage at 7.45 p.m. and returned the next morning riding Khachhars....it was an ultimate joy.....thereafter we visited Dharamshala, stayed at Govt. Guest house with the help of a friend.It was a great joy...surrounded by mountains and fog on the following morning after rainshower. We enjoyed it greatly.

Thereafter we visited Bhagsu nath temple, devoted to Lord Shiva, Dalai Lama temple, an unforgettable and fascinating place full of peace and prayers, and the McLoed Ganj. She didn’t realize McLoed Ganj was about a market full of extraordinary beautiful Buddhists and foreigners. I realized it only when after our brief wandering there for an hour in the market while enjoying the romantic breeze, she asked……Sunna ji yaahan se chalao ab…mujhe McLoed Ganj jana hai!!!! I was surprised. She was left blushing….at her soft-minded or rather ignorant reply.

But the pleasant weather made it a great joy visiting any place.

Later, we headed towards Pathankot, a place where you will find it all buses standing except the one you wish to board. We waited for an hour.

Well, we travelled mostly by local buses there. It was a great joy for me enjoying the local feel. Maybe it wasn't that much for Pratibha. But soon she felt there is different feel and joy than waiting for hours for luxury buses or expensive private cabs to cover even short distances.

The valleys and the mountains added to the mood and joy. The buses were never crowded so we felt nice. Actually, both of us travelled all places as old buddies enjoying a short trip outside home for the first time after a long time of separation. :) Well, then we reached Chamunda Devi, the place I deeply worship and value. I told her that it was the same Devi before whom I had prayed after failing in standard XII exams to bless me with guidance, intelligence and knowledge. She realised it's importance. We had plans to visit Palampur, Tapovan and one more place on the next day. But, on request of a friend, who had arranged our stay in one of his relative's hotel for free, we decided to spend another day at Chamunda Devi. The hotel was very good to be there besides the mood-lifting, soothing and pleasant green surroundings with all greeting mountains around us.

The following day in Chamuda Devi happened to be my b'day also. With my pre-paid phone being inaccessible for all, I missed everyone's blessings and faced the annoyance a few days later. But, it was actually very nice staying there and attendin Aartis four times in two days. It was a great joy also spending time sittin on pebbles or large stones in the river in Chamunda Devi temple.

After that we boarded another bus and left for Amritsar. My dearest and closest journalist friend Ravinder Singh Robin, Bureau Chief of Punjab who always travels with President and Prime Minister and Foreign Minister invited us to pay obeisance at Harmandar Saheb or, the Golden temple.

I agreed to take further obligation from him after having enjoyed free accomodation at his relative's hotel for two days in Chamunda Devi. Though i don't believe in free lunch as a principal but his affection had overwhelmed me. It was Atithi hotel, a three storey building and the second attractive place to stay in Chamunda Devi.

As i reached Amritsar, I had finished explaining Pratibha that we were actually going to visit Robin's residence, located in a remote area in border villages. I advised her not to let her veil or head covering beyond nose-tip, as it will like flouting typical Punjabi customs as maintained and valued by such families in villages. She was scared. I told her to avoid using Hindi or English, as the ladies at his home prefer and understand just Teth Punjabi, the hardcore Punjabi that is too difficult to understand by even Punjabis leave aside non-Punjabis. She turned nervous. I told her there was nothing to worrry about as she would be in Janankhana!! But what's that Sandeep,,,she asked me. I smiled and said it's nothing but a place in a house that is meant for woman only. And, there will be my friend's aged mother, Dadi, Nani and wife to converse with whole night! She turned pale. I said don't worry they will take care tht you have hand-held Pankhi and mosquitoes shouldn't touch you!! She was like.....Sandeep plsss after such a good stay why you are pushing me into all that....I said: Don't worry my dear.....it will be a distinct joy ....going to Jangal Pani.....with a lalten . But whyyyyyyyy.......sandeep....plss tell me ...why can't we skip all thisssss and go to home.....Pratibha asked me.....I said arreyy it's a courtesy to visit my affectionate friend after enjoying his hotel at Chamunda. She murmured something and just settled down in her seat, as i had just added telling ther that she would definitely be accompanied by any child or lady in the fields with lantern! And, it was obvious as it is being said that electricity is going to be available in there village in next five years!! She started sweating...after hearing to all this. She said ....Sandy yaaar....plssssssss....I said: "arrey madam don't worry....it's a joy of different sort and i want to be strong enough wife of a journalist who likes rural life!!!!!

Finally, we reached Amritsar bus stop. My friend Ravinder Singh informed that some close relative is hospitalised and he has to rush back to him. So , he advised me to just visit Darbar Saheb first and later he would catch both of us. He sent a car with a driver and two of his journalists to assist us. They collected our heavy bags to relieve us from its weight and we headed to Darbar Sahib. We were given VIP treatment. The car was parked where nobody's allowed. I was given Rumala and we entered. As usual, my camera's battery ditched at the first pic. One of the two journalists rushed back to car and brought two camera, as they had planned for us. We were clicked before Darbar Sahib and I was happy as it was my first combine click with her. I remained clicking stones, trees, rivers and her throughout the tour and just avoided clicking myself too.

So, my delight was obvious. We were introduced to the in-charge of entire arrangement at Golden temple and later escorted inside the magnificent Golden Temple's sanctum sanctorum. Both of our two new journalist friends were ensuring that we should cover Darshan and due meet with Ravinder Singh within our one-and-a-half hour's time available at our disposal in Amritsar. One of the two journos escorting us whispered something to one of the main Granthis inside the sanctum sanctorum. And, he presented Pratibha with the Saropa, a special religious gift from the temple body often given to VIPs. I felt blessed that my wife recieved it.

Ravinder called up and ensured that we get the best food for our back journey to home. I asked him to leave everything and just meet. He reserved lobby of a huge and captivating hotel for us. We reached there by the car along with the two journalists who assist Ravinder Singh. He was waiting there with his innocent Mrs. and a very handsome child. I termed him an NRI, as his father travels foreign almost every second month.

Well, the meet was actually a family meet and both of them were highly courteous. I wanted to show my wife how down to earth and affectionate my friend Robin Singh is despite his big profile in Punjab, not just in Amritsar. It was actually a great meeting, as she had an opportunity to meet my first friend outside Delhi.

He also arranged for our return journey by Volvo. Pratibha was delighted that she finally had her 'AC' bus at her serivce in her last leg of honeymoon. Ravinder Singh brought her another stylish and luxury vehicle and dropped us. Our luggage was brought in another car by the other two journalists. We had a good talk and our share of laughter with that loving couple and invited them to visit Delhi at the earliest.
Pratibha was so ecstatic after meeting both of them and the special arrangements that she requested me now to stay back at Amritsar for a day as being consistenly requested by Ravinder Singh and family !!!! I smiled and asked her to just remember Amritsar as her second in-laws' house where she would be visiting very soon whenever it's possible for a long stay.

Really, both of us returned, by everyone's blessings with a big cheer on our faces and delight inside our hearts.